Saturday, August 13, 2011

1. I'm a 32 year-old, married, outwardly conventional, straight man. Nobody would look twice at me on the street.

2. I lost my virginity at 19 to a girl I thought I loved. The sex was terrible because we didn't have a clue how to communicate.

3. I wasn't in love with the girl in #2. I was in love with a fantasy version of her that I created in my mind.

4. My wife fits my fantasy #2 much better than real girl #2 ever did. For that I'm oddly grateful to girl #2.

5. In college, my best friend gave me and her boyfriend simultaneous hand jobs to distract us while we played Super Smash Brothers.

6. I won, and the two of them gave me a blowjob together.

7. Two weeks later I lost a game of strip poker with them. He fingered and fucked me in the ass while I went down on her.

8. Numbers 5-7 actually cleared any doubt in my mind about my heterosexuality. I tried it with a guy, loved it, crossed it off my list, and have no interest in doing it again.

9. My first girlfriend after college would blow me at the drop of a hat, masturbate while riding in the car, fuck me in semi-public, beg me to fuck her in the ass, rim me, and give me prostate massages, but she never once let me go down on her because she thought it was "dirty."

10. The girl in #9 used to knowingly wear light sundresses with her thong and nipples clearly visible. It was the sexiest thing I've ever seen.

11. #9 taught me that "crazy" will always override "hot" sooner or later. She was a lot of both. Ultimately the crazy won, and I moved on.

12. My wife is hot without an ounce of crazy. She wins.

13. My wife massages my prostate at least once a month. Afterward I have a feeling of emptiness that I can never achieve through ejaculation alone.

14. The only thing I would even remotely consider changing about my wife's sexuality is making her more comfortable being dominant in the bedroom. Every once in a while I would love it if she would throw me down and sit on my face.

15. If I had to choose only one sexual act that I could do for the rest of my life, it would be going down on my wife. I suspect she might choose the same.

16. My wife and I have an explicit rule of, "look, think, talk, but don't touch" when it comes to other people.

17. Rule #16 has led to some amazing sex for us. Sometimes my wife will meet a hot guy and act her fantasies out on me. As far as I'm concerned, anything that keeps us fucking is a good thing.

18. My wife doesn't know about 5-7 and never will. As far as I know, the only people who know about it were there, and one of them is dead now (car accident).

19. Almost every girl I've ever dated has been at least moderately kinky. This leads me to believe that most people are, if given an opportunity to let it come out.

20. I don't talk to girl #2 anymore, but I've heard that she's a lesbian now. This doesn't surprise me at all and I'm happy for her.

21. Somewhere on the internet there's a picture of me from when I was 21, blindfolded and hogtied on the bed wearing only black boxer-briefs, with a butt-plug, a bottle of lube and a realistic dildo sitting next to me.

22. The only unfulfilled thing on my sexual to-do list is to be dominated by two or more women. I don't think it'll ever happen, and I'm quite OK with that. I suspect it's better as a fantasy anyway.

23. I'm uncircumcised and extremely grateful to my hippie parents for making that choice. Not only is my head super-sensitive, but the feeling of the foreskin stretching can be incredibly pleasurable. Masturbation without lube is super easy too.

24. Six out of the eight girls who've seen my penis said it was the first uncircumcised dick they'd seen in person.

25. I think that hand-jobs are highly underrated when done correctly.