Sunday, August 14, 2011

1. I am currently a 22-year-old female who has been dating my first and only boyfriend now for over 5 years (we started flirting at 15 and dating at 17, then became long distance at 18 because of school). Before him my only similar relationship with a boy was with my best friend and neighbor (we started being friends in kindergarten and we broke up in grade three. We only kissed).

2. My first time was when I was 19. Until then I had thought I would save my virginity until I was married, but thinking on my boyfriend I decided that if I had to be awkward with someone, it had to be him (he could laugh it off with me). It was surprisingly good, though I did not orgasm, and to this day I am still glad I decided to do it with my boyfriend (he was so sweet). Since, we have devoted a lot of alone time to becoming comfortable with each other and having fun.

3. It's not easy for me to orgasm (unless I use a vibrator), and when I do, it's even harder to do it a second time. One time when I did orgasm a second time, it burned a bit too much. I also usually become too dry for a second time after I orgasm (I've even become dry just before orgasming, which lube always saves).

4. (Though...) A few days before my period, it is always easy to orgasm, and I get impossibly wet. I also get really wet and sensitive if we haven't had sex for a long time (a month or two).

5. I have a hard time relinquishing control over my body, and I feel this is tied to me having a hard time orgasming. I do get better at it every time though, and I still have a lot of fun having sex with my boyfriend without climaxing. Usually I'm fine with just getting some great waves, but I have to admit he's getting better at finding places!

6. I really like to look at women, and have toyed with the idea of being bisexual. When I was first starting puberty, I couldn't stop staring at all the girls and their boobs and it kind of worried me for a long time (until I heard about female competitiveness, and left it up to that). To me, women are gorgeous; I love watching them, thinking of clothing for them, and drawing them. Aesthetically, women are great (especially breasts and curves!). For myself, I like to keep lean, but for other women I prefer a soft layer of fat. Over the years, I have become more comfortable with the male form as well (and draw it constantly).

7. I've found a kink of mine for male-male sexual relationships. I like to watch men fall in love and break that barrier (and admit their true feelings). I also just love to watch men have sex (because, hey, they're sexy). Recently I have gotten interesting gay films as well as gay porn as an outreach for this fetish. I also do some writing and read others' works.

9. My boyfriend knew of my kink since day one, and we have both been obliging to each other's desires. About a year and a half ago we finally started pushing towards being comfortable with me dominating (it was a personal barrier as well, confronting my issues with how to orgasm), and now we're a menstrual cycle away from me pegging him. I am so excited! We have the toy waiting...

10. I don't see my pegging my boyfriend as me dominating him so much as me equalling him. We have both been honest with each other about wanting an equal relationship, one where one person is not greater, or lesser, than the other. I feel like this attitude has kept our sex playful and fulfilling.

11. I love the idea of doing someone back, and some days wish that I had a penis (I have a bit of penis envy myself). My boyfriend is a little squishy and I love to handle his curves like he's a woman. I especially love when I can tease him until he begs, even bite him a little too hard to urge him on. I also love to show off my sexual prowess, and feel empowered by my sexual skill. My boyfriend and I joke that I have a huge, imaginary dick because of the way I act sometimes.

12. I have a complex about being girly; I hate being submissive, and have always been treated equal to a boy by my family. Things that empower me to have a more dominant sexuality include: power tools, exercising, and shooting firearms. Cars are pretty awesome too.

13. For the last five years I've had boy-short hair, and I've loved it. It allowed me to be a little sexually ambiguous and that gave me the freedom to explore my male side. Recently though, I've been growing it out in some sort of exploration of a former self who before I felt self-concious about. So far, I have had a hard time re-envisioning my sexuality; to me, long hair is girly and submissive. But I'm getting over it and learning to love the hair I used to always despise, and in turn, the self I used to despise. Now I'm making her a part of me.

14. Until this past year, I never masturbated. I always felt like there was no point unless I was actually doing it with someone. Now, it's kind of a stress reliever for me, and also something to do when I can't get to sleep. I still value spending physical time with my boyfriend over masturbating though, because I really love the intimacy of it.

15. To me, sex isn't about the orgasm (and sometimes my sex life goes down because I start to think it is). I love to feel that extra connection and freedom that comes along with knowing someone's body in such a pleasurable way. I love to be free with my body and to learn to adore the body of another, because being human is okay (despite what others may tell you).

16. I like to confirm my sexuality by boasting with other girl friends about my sexual exploits. I think this is linked to an underlying paranoia of mine that I don't have enough experience, or that I'm missing out on something because I've only been with one man. Sometimes I worry that maybe there's someone even better out there than my current boyfriend, but usually he does something to prove otherwise shortly after the worrying starts.

17. I am sexually attracted to men who I can have an in-depth conversation with, no matter what they look like. I've had a crush on one of my guy friends as a result of this, and I still feel connected to him and jealous when he pays attention to other women. I'm never drawn to another man by looks alone, and mostly am repulsed by muscular or vain men.

18. When I was little, I loved Barbies. I used to make then have explicit heterosexual and lesbian sex, and even made sexy outfits for them. I played with Barbies all the way up to grade 9.

19. I easily catch urinary infections (I've had about four), despite being very clean and health-obsessed. I've had them happen after several bouts of good orgasms, and wonder if I'm defective.

20. I like pubic hair. I like hair on men, and hairless men seem strange to me. The sight of pubic hair turns me on, and in turn I like to keep my hair (groomed of course). I feel that shaving is oppressive and that I should be accepted as I am, not some man-made fantasy. Because of this, I find heterosexual porn and some gay porn to be oppressive instead of sexy.

21. I like giving my boyfriend blowjobs (though, not all the time), and still feel uncertain about receiving them. I like them best when my boyfriend is on his knees, and least when I'm on my back. I feel silly just laying there with my boyfriend's face in my crotch; I feel like I should be doing something.

22. I'm 125 pounds and 5'8". Sometimes I worry I'm too thin and that's why I can't orgasm easily. I have found that with a few pounds I usually orgasm easier (fluke?), but my self-confidence goes down and I'm more submissive. My new solution to this issue is to be fit and strong, as women who exercise are also rumored to orgasm more easily. So far, it is a proven energizer and confidence-booster.

23. Until I started dating my boyfriend, I was scared of my sexuality. Even kissing him for the first time gave me a feeling that I knew was supposed to be sexy, but I had decided I didn't like sexy, so I didn't like it. With time, I got over that closed-ness, but it still affected my attitude towards masturbating until recently. Sexual feelings were something I didn't associate with myself; I liked to see myself as something asexual. I guess this has continued in my life through my short hair, and I still like to act like a kid when not in bed. I don't feel like my sexuality should define my personality and intellect (although I can't be quite feminist).

24. I don't believe that there is only one person out there for you. I believe that humans are community-based creatures who should have multiple partners in order to live a healthy lifestyle. That being said, I seem to be a bit of a hypocrite. In my defense, I love my boyfriend and do muse about having other partners (but he would not be okay with that). I also believe that we should have different partners for different stages of our lives. My boyfriend so far has been there for me through my sexual evolution, and I love him for every second of it. We'll see if in time I need someone else to grow with.

25. I have to be pretty/the pretty one. In every situation, I have to find myself the winner against all women around me. I guess all girls have this competitiveness, but sometimes I surprise myself with the size of my ego. I pull this less often with my female friends, but sometimes get miffed at the fact that I have a history of men ignoring me. This past year, though, I feel like I've sexually peaked, as I've noticed men's gazes and had a few more nerds flirting badly with me. It's kind of great.