Saturday, January 7, 2012

1. I am a 33-year-old, married, mostly straight Canadian man.

2. I say "mostly" because when I was 26 I went over to a guy's house that I saw on cam and tried giving him oral. I didn't enjoy it like I expected, and definitely didn't enjoy how he rubbed my cock.

3. Nonetheless, I will watch gay porn on occaision, and always find hung guys sexy.

4. I think part of that has to do with my size. I'm just over 4 inches hard, and thin. So my fantasies for a long time have revolved around giving the women in my life the size they "deserve."

5. I think my size fetish came from 3 experiences at a younger age: 1) accidentally flashing my friends (including girls) at a party in middle school 2) the woman who took my virginity in Grade 10 had a black friend she crushed on before being with me that she'd talk about to make me jealous 3) I soon thereafter started my lifelong fascination with interracial porn.

6. As I said, I lost my virginity at 16 to a neighbor I was dating. We were having trouble and she said we shouldn't break up because she wanted to have sex. So we didn't, and spent the next few weeks sneaking out and having sex.

7. I wasn't attracted to her all that much but I wanted to experience sex and so did she. She's the only woman who let me try anal; the only woman I've played with in public; only woman I've been with who's seemed to enjoy oral; the only woman who felt "loose" around my penis; and holds my personal record for most sex in one day (I came 10 times).

8. I left her for my first love a few months later - a woman I'd eventually never sleep with, but who could soak a bed with her wetness when I fingered her.

9. I've only had sex with three different women. I regret that somewhat, as I feel I've missed out on some fun and personal learning.

10. I've had two woman "put on the brakes" when they saw I was smaller. Both times were in university when I was single.

11. I had a long-term girlfriend in years 2 to 4 of college. You could hear her neighbor next door in the dorm having sex with a bouncer friend. It turned me on, so much so that I got into searching for erotic sex sounds online. So much so that I'd sit in my bedroom closet and listen to my own roommate have sex with different women.

12. I did a few times go in after they had left the apartment and smelled the sheets/bedding of where they just had sex.

13. The noises women make during sex remains a turn-on.

14. The three women I've had sex with have all enjoyed it. I'm a giver (I love oral sex) and I can last a long time. I've never struggled giving women orgasms.

15. My wife and I have been together 7 years and she still turns me on.

16. However, she hates oral sex.

17. And never initiates sex - sex and fun are not a priority for her, as she's a hard-working professional.

18. Thus I have a healthy fantasy life online, watching cams (men and women), porn and cyber-sexing.

19. I'd barely do any of #18 if my wife wanted as much sex as I do.

20. I fantasize about other men - hung, muscular, dominant older or younger men - pleasing her instead.

21. I know she has a thing for black men, although she's too conservative to pursue it.

22. One of the hottest things she ever told me was how, at a Vegas work convention, she and her colleagues went dancing, and this black guy was grinding on her.

23. Early on in our dating life, I found artsy naked photos of a colleague of hers that she'd taken. She had a falling out with the friend over it, as he'd crossed a boundary. Still, I found it hot that another man had tried to seduce my woman, and that she'd taken a picture of his perfectly average penis.

24. I wish my wife and I communicated better about sex. It's a work in progress and I know we'll sort it out because we're very much in love and devoted to one another. I want to see her happy and vice versa.

25. I probably "edge" too much, turning reasonable 20 minute masturbation sessions into 1, 2, 3, 4.... 8-hour marathons. In fact, I've been late to work because I was jerking off.