Wednesday, May 30, 2012

1. I'm a 19-year-old virgin guy with an average body type, and I'm bisexual. I'm from Utah, in the United States.

2. I suppose I'll start from the beginning. I kissed my female friend when I was 4. It didn't mean anything; we were just trying to figure out what all the adults were so enthralled about. The only effect it had on me was causing me to dislike the taste and smell of chips for a long time.

3. I grew up Mormon most of my life, and only left about a year ago. I was a complete believer and followed every rule I could think to follow, but my parents never gave me "the talk." This resulted in me getting curious about why my body was changing while I was going through puberty. I googled the term "bulge" because that's what my genitals were doing sometimes, and found pictures of guys' erections underneath shorts or pants. This fascinated me. It was something I had never heard of before, and so the mystery behind it made me all the more curious.

4. I began masturbating late. I was 14 or 15 when I started. I learned it watching other guys masturbate. My mother would eventually tell me that masturbation was evil and wrong when I was 17... which I already believed from being in the church.

5. Despite the fact that I was looking at homosexual porn just as much as I was looking at heterosexual porn, I was completely oblivious about my orientation. I believed I was straight. I don't completely know how I missed it. It's easier to suppress homosexual tendencies when liking girls. I was more worried at the fact that I was looking at any kind of porn at all, than I was that I was looking at gay porn. All of my efforts were being absorbed into trying not to look at porn and trying not to masturbate. I never had a chance to worry that I might be gay.

6. All throughout, I felt incredibly guilty for watching porn and masturbating. I recall quitting porn for a month and repenting once, and feeling everything the scriptures would tell me I'd feel... that my sins were washed away and that I became as white as snow. Interestingly, I feel that way now, and I'm as sexually active as you can be while staying a virgin. Now I just know that there's nothing wrong with it.

7. I mentioned that I followed every rule I could think to follow. That includes not only the guidelines put in place by the gospel, but also guidelines put in place by my mother. She felt that I should abstain from any romantic connection to girls whatsoever. To this day, I haven't had sex, kissed, or held hands with anyone in a romantic sense. I'm frustrated with how inexperienced I am, and I'm eager to catch up.

8. Despite being a virgin in more ways than one, I've been told that I know a great deal about sex. And it's true. My sexual internet browsing included reading Wikipedia articles about sex organs and other similar topics. I like to know how it all works.

9. After I left the church, it still took me half a year to begin confronting my orientation. I was still terribly ashamed, afraid and nervous to come out of the closet. I had somehow gotten it into my mind that it's okay to be straight, and it's okay to be gay, but if you're bisexual, then you're just a horny bastard. It started with me being bi-curious, and then deciding that I'm attracted to the male gender, but unable to understand having a romantic relationship with a guy. I've since changed my mind about that, and I believe that on the spectrum of gender attraction, I'm leaning slightly towards liking men more.

10. I've since embraced my sexuality and my orientation, and I'm glad I did! I'm happier because of it, and now I wouldn't have it any other way. I appreciate having a hunger for something, because it feels so good to fulfill it. I also like having more options. I'm less afraid of rejection than I used to be. If I'm rejected, I have all of the humans in the world to turn to, minus straight men and lesbians.

11. I'm interested in experimenting with all kinds of things. I'll be like a kid in a candy store! It seems that almost everything turns me on, except for the obese and the elderly. I want to try; soft sex, rough sex, fingering and being fingered, penetrating and being penetrated, pegging, giving and receiving oral, rimming (as long as I can't taste any nastiness), and every position I can think of or research. I want to pick someone up by their waist and have at it. I  also want to have sex outside, in the grass. I want to be teased. I want to be bound or tied down somehow. I want to be slapped in the face real hard in the middle of sex. I want to have some playful wrestling with someone... something easier to do with a guy than with a girl.

12. I fantasize about cuddling.

13. I want my foreskin back! It pisses me off that it was taken from me without my consent. Also, I like uncut dicks better for some reason.

14. I'm generally submissive. I want someone to control me. That said, there are some personalities that seem like they would be a lot of fun to dominate.

15. I'm interested in threesomes, although I've received some mixed reviews. I'm wondering if it helps to have an even number of people, in which case, a  foursome would be more desirable. I love the idea of an enormous orgy, but I wonder how practical it actually is.

16. Although I'm a virgin now, I'd like to someday be in the position of being a sexually experienced person, and teaching a virgin his or her way around the ropes.

17. My sex drive is off the charts. I'm always thinking about it, and fantasizing about it. A few weeks ago, I masturbated twice a day, sometimes three times a day. This pattern changed after I bought a sex toy.

18. My sex toy is an Aneros, which is a prostate massager. I've had seven sessions so far, and I've been able to achieve prostate orgasms, also known as dry orgasms or dry-O's, ever since my third session. They're awesome! I highly recommend one for anyone who has a prostate. Now I spend less time masturbating because I'll often save it for the end of the day when I can use my Aneros. I feel all the more prepared to lose my virginity, because stimulation of the prostate leads to better orgasms, better control over orgasms, and more overall sensitivity to erogenous zones. It has also given me the perk of being able to tickle my prostate with my mind.

19. I'm hoping that I someday wind up with a guy who becomes interested in getting his own Aneros. That could lead to the best sex ever, in my opinion.

20. Currently, I won't have sex with strangers or acquaintances, but I just might with a friend (effectively making them a friend with benefits) or a lover. I can sense that I would value the meaning behind it, and I only want to share myself with people that I truly appreciate. I'm not at all interested in paying for sex, and I don't think I ever will be.

21. The first time (and only time) I was offered sex, it was a guy and his boyfriend offering me a threesome. I debated furiously for days, eventually settling on the statement that it wouldn't be good for a first time. They weren't very attractive to me anyway.

22. I'm hoping that I someday have a relationship with a bisexual girl so that we can both talk about how much we like dicks, vaginas, and other things about both guys and girls.

23. I occasionally like to look at futanari or transsexuals... but only the convincing ones (not that I ever get convinced that they were a girl born with a functional penis).

24. Sometimes, when I'm about to orgasm, my balls spread apart and elevate to the sides of my dick. I still don't know why. I've only ever seen it somewhere else once before.

25. I like to be competitive, and I would enjoy working a competition into sex somehow. My idea is to box a guy (even though I don't box. But I could learn!) and the winner would penetrate the other after the match. If I ever found someone who would be down to do this with me, I'm sure we'd do it again with other challenges, like arm-wrestling, or weight-lifting competitions. It would definitely motivate us to work out harder.