1. I'm a 26-year-old cisgender female. I identify as a lesbian, but am aware that (as with all identifications) the precise meaning will remain permanently unclear. In fact, I am a little suspicious of my own ability to articulate sexual desire, but I do not think that reflecting on my desire will ruin it. I just think we fool ourselves, most of the time, when we try to talk to ourselves about what really turns us on.
2. I've had 5 sexual partners. One was a 5-year commited relationship with the man to whom I lost my virginity. One of them is my current (also committed long-term) relationship with a woman who I love very much. The other three were friends I messed around with in the interim. Four of them were women. One of these experiences was an attempt to prove to myself that I can have sex without romantic feelings. Turns out I can, and it was fun and I would hypothetically do it again, but I was somewhat surprised and a little relieved to find that my orgasms are better within the terms of a committed, loving relationship.
3. I'm slim, but not super-skinny, I'm pretty happy with my B-C breast size, and I think my ass is probably pretty cute. I don't have a large stomach but my abs are not tight and never will be. I think about the way I look much more than I ought to. I blame the male gaze that has infected society like a cancer, has been feeding me messages since before I could speak...
4. My nipples are my favorite part of my body. Seriously, you could lick/suck on them for days and I wouldn't stop you. This is one of the secret reasons why I never want to give birth to a child. I'm worried I would lose that relationship to my own breasts.
5. I love wearing a strap-on. This strikes me as odd because I look and feel pretty girly most of the time. I never thought I'd want to wear something that protrudes from my crotch, but what a feeling. Wow.
6. Whenever I have sex while wearing a strap-on I fantasize about being penetrated with the strap-on. (I have always wondered if straight men feel this way when they have PIV sex with women.) However, if I do wind up being penetrated, I usually don't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I really can only take so much penetration.
7. I came out of the closet before I had had sex with a woman. I always felt a little strange about that--as if I decided my destiny before I really knew--but then I remember that that's how I wound up sleeping with a guy, I decided THAT destiny before I had any empirical knowledge too. We all walk into sexuality completely blind, don't we?
8. I have some weird kinks that I'm not ready to admit to myself. Old internet search histories would probably really disturb my partner. I really don't think I'll ever act on them though.
9. Tribadism is really amazing. The problem is that 9 times out of 10, when I try it, I just feel ridiculous. When it works, though... wow.
10. I have this twisted fantasy of having a threesome and gently tribbing with another girl on either side of a guy's penis. It would probably be too awkward of a position to hold, and I will probably never act on it, but still...
11. I fantasize about exhibitionism, but I tend to behave as an almost compulsive voyeur.
12. I masturbate frequently. Often daily. This borders on a political act for me. I think it's important to understand my own individual and ever-changing sexuality.
13. The amount of sex I have directly reflects the amount of emotional intimacy in my relationship. I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.
14. I love porn. I am a feminist, I am vocal about the harmful effects of objectifying/overly sexualizing women, but I LOVE porn. I do not see this as a contradiction. I think sexual expression is a key component in a culture that values freedom and I think that more women need to pick up cameras/write erotica/talk about what turns them on. If we don't, the market is just going to keep defining desire in terms of the male (usually heterosexual) gaze.This is why I prefer amateur or body-positive porn. But please don't sell me that lame "sensual," "romantic," "female-friendly" bullshit that attempts to define "female sexuality" for me. I'll decide what the fuck porn I'm into. Just show me people who are really enjoying themselves and I'll probably enjoy it too.
15. The anus repulses me. My own anus repulses me. I don't judge you for enjoying analingus but I'll never do it/want it.
16. I have much better orgasms with my own fingers than with a vibrator, but every once in a while I like to mix it up.
17. I like women of color more than white women, and have always felt guilty about that. I'm white and I hate the thought of desiring race qua race, like I need a certain degree of "exoticism" as defined from the perspective of my bourgeois white privileged perspective... but their nipples and skin are just prettier! And freckles (sorry Celts) kind of freak me out.
18. I like women both chubby and skinny, both femme and androgynous, but I have never been attracted to a stone butch. Dunno why, because I feel a lot of personal admiration for very butch women.
19. Every once in a while I want to fuck a random male stranger. It's a fleeting fantasy that I'll likely never act on, and even if I did I probably wouldn't enjoy it, but it's there.
20. I really want to have group sex. My partner would never be cool with it and I cannot imagine a context in which such a thing could spontaneously develop, but I really hope I get to try it one day.
21. There are, in fact, naked photos of me on the internet. They're on a site with very little traffic, and it's unlikely you'll ever see them...but If I do say so myself, they're really hot.
21. I started masturbating around 9 years old and I used the exceedingly thin handle of a paintbrush holder. I think I did orgasm, but I didn't know what it was.
22. I experienced my next real orgasm while at a horseback riding lesson. I thought something was wrong with me and was very scared. Then it happened again. I told me mom about it but she didn't tell me what happened. I didn't figure it out until much, much later.
23. I've experimented with sex under the influence of consciousness-altering drugs with my partner. It was fun, but really, all I wanted to do while on all these sex/party drugs is talk. Sex is great, but I think the intimacy that I crave has to do with really knowing/being honest with someone. This intimacy is a lot more elusive than it should be.
24. I think that there is something that is fundamentally consciousness altering about sex itself and I think it's more than the happy chemicals and neurotransmitters that fly around in the bloodstream. I think that messing with the boundaries of your body, inviting someone inside, being welcomed in by someone else, reminds us of something elusive and primal about our natures. I also don't think that will ever be made into a commodity.
25. I wish I could talk about sex more freely and more openly with more people. I push people's boundaries too much, but I don't mean to be predatory. Despite the impossibility of articulating sexual desire, I think we need to confront it, to challenge the way it is used against it, to challenge the way we express/repress it, to understand its power for good and its danger... this blog is pretty great.