Friday, November 23, 2012

1. I am a 29-year-old man. I mostly identify as male, but I don't agree with the standard behaviors expected from men (aggressiveness, initiative, dominance, etc.)

2. I am platonically attracted to women and physically attracted to men.

3. I was a virgin until age 28, when a stranger I met in a bus crossed my gaze and, after many hidden bumps and touches, gave me his number. When I went to his apartment, I insisted (perhaps too many times) that I didn't want anything anal, and he accepted it. I consider myself lucky that my first time was with someone who treated me with gentleness and respect. We haven't seen each other since.

4. When my older brother went through puberty, his body turned considerably uglier in my eyes, and I was terrified that the same would happen to me. I was revolted by my own puberty until I finally noticed that my body was not doomed to mimic his. I'm more or less glad with how it turned out.

5. I would like more chest hair, though. I have a fair amount, but I'd like lots more.

6. Women wearing a tie look extremely sexy to me. In fact, I think I like drag kings.

7. Contrary to what my friends may think, I very much do really badly want to have sex. It's just that I never learned how to get it. I'm afraid I never will.

8. I don't think I would enjoy pain in any form.

9. As a kid I would envy my sister's dolls. My mother let me play with them once, but I felt there was something very wrong about it. I dared not do it again.

10. My mother always chastised me when I didn't walk "manly" enough.

11. I remember some moments as a child when I felt I'd like to be a girl. Today I still see women as the luckier ones in this world.

12. I liked the smell of my mother's lipstick. I would put it under my nose and breathe for several seconds, afraid that my mother would find me and mistakenly conclude that I was about to put it on.

13. Two or three times I have tried to let my hair grow to my shoulders, but I've never been able to learn how to comb and style it properly.

14. I get idiotically nervous around beautiful women. And men, but they don't seem to notice.

15. I don't watch pornography. Sometimes I masturbate to photos of athletes or actors, but that's about it. I strongly dislike anything more hardcore than that.

16. My nipples are the center of the universe. Touch them and I'm yours.

17. I began masturbating at age 9, even before I had erections. I rubbed my penis against the inside of my underpants, and I remember perfectly the surprise and puzzlement of my first orgasm.

18. When I started to have erections, I had to explore different masturbation methods. My orgasms began to function very differently from that moment, even though I still couldn't ejaculate.

19. I never had wet dreams. My first ejaculation was during masturbation, at age 12.

20. I've never felt comfortable exposing my body. I choose shirts long enough to avoid revealing any portion of my belly when I stretch. As a child I would do everything to avoid going shirtless.

21. A couple times, during a shower, I suppose around age 20, I put my finger inside my anus. I didn't like or dislike it; it was just a foreign object that was doing nothing there. I tried to feel for my prostate, but nothing happened. That was the end of my anal explorations.

22. Only very few times, with great concentration and effort, have I been able to masturbate and have an orgasm without touching my penis.

23. As a teenager I often ate my own semen, mainly to leave no evidence.

24. I am very glad to be uncircumcised.

25. I fear I'll not find a life mate. I don't feel attractive enough, though both male and female friends have tried to convince me that I'm quite good-looking. But it doesn't seem enough.