Thursday, April 30, 2009

1. Like most boys, I discovered the joys of masturbation when I was around 11. Stole porn mags from Dad and older brothers. Mother yelling through bathroom door as to why I am taking such long showers and in an old hay barn loft down the road were common scenarios of my youth.
2. At 45, I am masturbating now more then I did as a teenager. On one hand, that is good because it is in spite of being on blood pressure & diabetic meds that are suppose to dampen my libido. I attribute it to taking up jogging and exercising that last 2-3 years. On the other hand I have been married 11 years and the wife has lost all desire for sex.
3. I lied all my life as to when I first had sex. I always had a story as to when I was 17, but I was actually 21 and in the Navy at the time. I was quite drunk but remember it still. Mostly because of the first experience of going down on the girl and her being “not so fresh” that I had to keep from gagging. I was a trooper though and kept with it. It was miracle that I developed a taste for it eventually, but it was many years later that I did.
4. On a whim, mostly because I was in rut, as I had no particular predilection for nudity, I went with a work friend to a nudist resort. It forever changed what I found most attractive in women. From then on my top criteria was women who were ok with their naked body. That’s it. Didn’t matter what they looked like, what size, just being comfortable in their own skin. That narrows the field considerably because I have met so many with various hang-ups about their body.
5. Years in the Navy did not really afford me much experience. A few one night stands here and there, prostitutes in foreign lands, but no relationships to speak of till I got out. I have had only 2 relationships. A girlfriend for 3-4 years after I got out of the Navy and the wife now of 11 years. It was the girlfriend who taught me to be a lover. Control, taking it slow, working up to it were among the lessons and I have thanked her since. She broke up with me after I had given permission for her to sleep with another when I was out of town. Made me regret that decision but I did get solace when she said it was the single biggest mistake of her life.
6. The proceeding years from when I was in my early 30s, I moved to a new state and was once again back to irregular one night stands. The dawn of internet and AOL contributed to some of my success in getting laid. I had more confidence in myself but I never slept with anyone more than once. I always felt guilty afterwards because I knew I did not have feelings for them and I was afraid they might get feelings for me. It was at a party that I had met my future wife. She was with someone else at the time but the sole thing that really attracted me to her was the ease with which we talked for hours. That was the spark.
7. The first few years of marriage the sex was great. She had lived as a lesbian for many years so there was many adventures we had. The ones with other couples were not very good overall, but a couple threesomes, M-F-F were very good, despite that I was banned from screwing another girl in front of her because she could not handle that. Much of the great sex was fueled by drugs though, and as such, they could not last. As the drugs were put aside so the sex faded away over a few years.
8. Porn. I had a computer when the internet was just starting and what did you use it for? Porn, of course. I went through periods where I just liked to see everything, no matter how extreme. Scat, watersports, BDSM, gay, animals, etc. Not that I was necessarily turned on, as it was just to satisfy curiosity. These days I really only peruse only a couple sites, one with true amateurs where they send in pics of their wives and girlfriends. I especially like to see those 35 and older, no matter what shape they are in, though it makes me jealous and hurt that I don’t have a partner that wants sex. It helps me picture woman naked which I do ALL the time. The other porn I like is spanking. More on that later.
9. I like to eat pussy. I never had the bad experience like the first time again. In fact, I would say all the ones I had were real clean, even too clean. I like some muskiness as it goes straight to my cock. Times that I wanted to go down on girlfriend or wife after they had done some sweaty activity was always turned down as it always grossed them out. I think that is largely a universal thing with women.
10. I have no hang-ups about gay/bi sex. I have tried it. Sucking cock does not do anything for me but receiving certainly beats jacking off. It's been many years, but I think it's an option as there is no chance man will get emotionally attached about it and from looking online, there are a bunch of married guys out there using that option because they are not getting it at home.
11. Have had the wife and girlfriend anally before. I liked it a lot but to be honest it is more a mental thing than the sensation. Can’t beat pussy. Have also received with strapon/dildo. I liked that too if in the right mood. I tended to be more submissive in the early days but that has changed 180.
12. I try not to pressure the wife about sex but I think it comes out that way after a couple months. I don’t blame her as I know it is mostly because of her medication. She has suggested before, half jokingly, that maybe I should look elsewhere, as long as she never knows about it.
13. I have cheated with 2 different girls in the last 12 years marriage. Couple times with a girl from work. I finally succumbed after over a year she was hitting on me. I regret that, but she never had multi orgasms before. All I really did was pay attention to her needs. The wand didn’t hurt either.
14. The other one I cheated with was my ex-girlfriend. We seem to find each other every few years and give each other what we are need of and don’t get otherwise. I can’t bring myself to regret and not just because it was the best sex I ever had.
15. I believe there is truth that one looks for one’s mother’s traits when seeking a mate. My mother was very forward and definitely had her own opinion on things despite having grown up in a male dominated society. Having all male siblings, we were raised to cook/clean and take care of our selves and never expect a woman to do so. I gravitated towards strong-willed women as a result and the relationships I had, we were always equals, at least in the beginning.
16. As I ended up taking on more and more responsibility within the marriage my ideas changed. Out of frustration and brainstorming ways to hold her accountable to doing her share of chores, I stumbled upon the idea of domestic discipline. I was utterly fascinated with the idea of the willing wife, submitting, especially for the spanking part, though I also understood the immense responsibility you take on with this lifestyle.
17. What I also found fascinating exploring some for the domestic discipline sites was that for the majority of couples, it was the female who wanted the lifestyle and they often had to talk their mates into it. I had no such luck and have given up really trying because I realize it is something that has to be willingly given, not coerced. I still believe I am worthy and deserving of my “propers,” as I like to say. I still secretly hope for that one time, that one opportunity should it arise because I honestly believe it would really help her.
18. If I was single now, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have to have a “head of household” type relationship. I suspect I would be lonely for awhile, but then again, after reading here and other places, there seems to be a real desire for the type of men who are comfortable being in charge and know what they want.
19. Though most all my fantasies involve older, average looking women, I do sometimes have a fantasy of teaching sex to a younger, early 20s, shy, homely girl. I think I would be a great, patient teacher.
20. I wish the idea of “friends with benefits” was more prevalent back in the day. I wonder what it would it would be like to have a polyamory relationship. That fantasy only coincides with me winning the lottery fantasy.
21. If I had to pick one part of the anatomy I like best, it would be the butt. I love all things about it. I love to squeeze it, hug it, lick it, spank it, etc., etc.
22. I used to fantasize that I would take a list of all fetishes and such and just work my way down the list whether or not I like them or not just to say that “yeah, I did that.”
23. I usually masturbate watching videos on the computer. Sometimes in the bed, even when the wife is sleeping. Every once in awhile I put a small dildo in my bum and put the wand vibrator against it. That’s always a toe curler.
24. Water and swimming, especially in the ocean, has the side effect of making me horny later. Not sure why, but it is still true today as it was when I was 9.
25. I actually now fantasize about my wife these days. I never used to do that.