Wednesday, November 4, 2009

1. I'm straight, but I used to question that.

2. When I was younger, perhaps four, I was sexually molested by my babysitter's son. I buried that memory, but when it clawed its way back to the surface I cried for weeks.

3. In high school I became interested in GLBT rights, which was weird because I'd never really thought about that community before. According to many of the adults around me, there was something wrong with them.

4. Once when I was discussing bisexuality with my mother, who claims to be open-minded to people who are different from her, we got into a screaming fight. She insisted that bisexuals are just indecisive; this infuriated me and I left the conversation crying.

5. My compassion for the GLBT community used to frighten me. Maybe I was gay, as everyone in school and at home insinuated.

6. As a young girl I used to daydream about having an older girl to look up to, follow around, and cuddle with.

7. My first heart-breaking crush was on a boy named Mikey. He was a whole year older than me and used big words. His crooked smile was irresistable too.

8. A string of unrequited crushes throughout my childhood made me phobic of falling in love with anyone, because I wasn't sure anyone would fall back.

9. Right now I'm in love with a boy who loves me back. Sometimes this frightens me.

10. I'm still a virgin, but I don't expect to be for too much longer.

11. I used to think I wanted to wait until I was married for sex, but now I don't ever want to get married. I sure as hell won't die a virgin by choice!

12. Sometimes when I masturbate I can't help but feel dirty and wrong.

13. My boyfriend has been extremely helpful in helping me get over that.

14. I feel fortunate to have sex-positive friends who openly and matter-of-factly assure me when I'm scared or have a question.

15. I often wonder if I'm the only girl who can happily admire a beautiful girl and not have lustful or romantic feelings about her.

16. For me, a sense of humor and intelligence are the biggest turn-ons. Gales of laughter or passionate conversations about politics get me hot and bothered.

17. I adore people who break social norms. The boys that many renounce as weird or radical make my ears perk up. Well, other parts too.

18. I love, love, love to kiss. My first passionate kisses were some of the nicest things I've ever felt.

19. Being in a long-distance relationship has helped me realize the importance of talking dirty.

20. I am very fortunate to have a partner who cares about my physical pleasure and satisfaction. (I refrained from saying "sexual" because we haven't had sex yet...)

21. I dislike the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." I prefer partner... it makes me feel more bad-ass. Partner in crime, maybe?

22. I believe I have yet to experience orgasm.

23. I used to masturbate regularly, but for the past year or so I haven't been able to compel myself to spend some quality time alone. It may have something to do with the fact that my brother once caught me masturbating and called me "Sticky Fingers" for weeks.

24. My inability to masturbate could be another matter... for the longest time I had a crush on a friend I knew I could never be with. I felt guilty whenever I had sexual feelings about him, so I refrained from thinking about sex because it always led back to him.

25. I don't know if I could ever be polyamorous. I become very attached to the person I love, and I want them to want me and only me just as much. Or more.