Tuesday, January 26, 2010

1. At the age of 20, I'm still a virgin. I wanted to sleep with my first real boyfriend (we broke up a few months ago), but he dumped me before I was quite ready to do it. He did finger me once though, but I didn't come. I asked him to stop because I hadn't expected that we'd be doing that and I guess I wasn't ready.

2. My first kiss was with a girl, in my childhood bedroom, at the age of 16. I was in love with her (mostly unrequited, though we did hook up several more times) for the next two years.

3. I started masturbating when I was about 12. I remember being on a family vacation in Florida and trying to get off in the room I shared with my sister and aunt, hoping they wouldn't notice.

4. I once masturbated in the school library on a weekend, when it was empty. (It was a boarding school.) I also got off once during a school play (I was in the audience) in sixth grade. I'm beginning to think I might have an exhibitionist streak.

5. My first sexual experiences were with my younger sister. I would be ashamed, but I've read it's not uncommon for young kids. We'd play games where one of us would be taken captive by some evil queen, who would order her burly manservants to have their way with the captive. I've tried to forget about this, because since I'm the older one I feel that I am responsible.

6. I sometimes fantasize about rape.

7. My ex boyfriend used to tell me he liked my ass and would squeeze it a lot while we were making out. I really liked this.

8. I've kissed five people- two girls and three guys. This is actually pretty representative of my sexuality.

9. I'm bisexual. I've never had sex with anyone, but I'm worried I wouldn't like it with a girl and it would damage my bisexual cred or something.

10. I watched straight, lesbian, and gay porn. Straight porn is OK, but I always feel dirty afterward. Lesbian porn I don't usually like because the girls aren't usually actually gay and they're so femmy. I like more butch girls. Gay porn is the best. But none of it's really that great.

11. The first "porn" I got off to was Gundam Wing fanfiction. I was about 13.

12. I'm scared that when I finally do have sex with a guy I won't like it or be able to come. I haven't ever had a vaginal orgasm (though I have clitoral ones, no problem) on my own, so I'm worried.

13. I love love love kissing. I like it a little bit rough, with lots of sucking. Not so much spit though. I like getting bite marks on my neck, feeling claimed.

14. I like the taste of my come.

15. I don't shave my pubic hair but I feel like most people do and I should. But I really don't want to.

16. The most exciting experience I had was with my ex and his best (female) friend--I was in the middle, both of kissing my neck (which I love) and touching my breasts. No clothes came off, though. We did this once at his apartment, drunk, and another time at a club. The second time was even better because there was this table of hipsters next to us and I knew they were watching.

17. The only problem was that the friend developed feelings for me that I couldn't really return. I felt really bad.

18. Once I found condoms in my dad's bedside table. Scarred for life. I'm glad my parents are still having sex after 20 years of marriage but I don't want to know about it.

19. I wish my clit was bigger.

20. I still think about my ex when I'm getting off (alone). I feel a little guilty about this. But not too much!

21. I'm worried I'm too fat to ever get laid. I do need to lose some weight (because I'm not meant to be this big, not because "fat people are gross" or whatever), but other fat people get laid all the time. I don't know.

22. I feel like a bad feminist because I like being submissive. I like the feeling of someone on top of me, holding my hands above my head, etc. I do want to receive oral sex though. Maybe I'm just selfish for pleasure.

23. Penises kind of gross me out, although I like the people they're attached to.

24. I think trans guys are hot. Trans women don't do it for me.

25. I have really full lips (for a white girl, anyway- like, practically Angelina Jolie) and I wonder if guys sometimes imagine what my mouth would look like while I was blowing them.