Monday, February 1, 2010

1. I’m a 19 year old pansexual female virgin, but I hate labels.

2. I’m incredibly attracted to androgyny and transpeople, both MTF and FTM.

3. I’ve only had two boyfriends, once when I was 17, and once when I was 18. I broke up with each of them, and they both got incredibly depressed. I regret being with them, and even though I say I feel bad for them, I secretly feel incredibly pleased that I hurt someone like that.

4. I’ve been kissed twice, both on the same day. I’ve blocked as much of this out of my memory as possible.

5. My dream is to marry a female to male transgender.

6. I will pretty much go out with anyone I find attractive, regardless of gender.

7. I have a lot of fears about losing my virginity, but I refuse to admit this to anyone.

8. Despite #7, I wish I had lost my virginity in high school; I worry that everyone I’ll go out with in the future won’t understand the fact that I am indeed a virgin.

9. I detest body hair on men and women except for pubes. I don’t like them, but I would never demand for anyone to be hairless down there.

10. In regards to #9, the reason I don’t mind pubic hair is because I’m not completely hairless. I try to trim (recently I’ve taken to buffing hair off), but I just can’t keep it up.

11. I can tell you the exact day I started masturbating: May 11th, 2008. I remember because I was fantasizing about Wesley Crusher from Star Trek.

12. I used to be afraid of masturbating, because I was afraid to stick anything up my vagina. I still retain a bit of this fear.

13. When I masturbate, I tend to fantasize about having insanely mundane conversations.

14. I’m plus-sized, so whenever I go shopping, I buy matching bra and panty sets in my size. I’m amazed that my town has a plus-sized store that sells more than just granny panties. I love how I feel when I wear a matching set: I feel like I fit the media definition of pretty, even when no one else knows.

15. There are a lot of things I’d like to lose my virginity to, including a Stanley Kubrick movie.

16. Recently, my masturbation fantasies have been threesomes, where I’m being held down.

17. I think I would enjoy a bit of light bondage in my sex life.

18. I got a Clean and Clear blackhead eraser for huge blackheads on my nose. It worked, but I noticed that it vibrated, so I took it into my room and I've used it to masturbate ever since. I hide it in one of the drawers under my bed, where I keep movies. I forgot about that when I had wisdom teeth removed, so I think my mom knows what I use it for because she got movies from my room.

19. I’ve never been good with dirty talk, though I like hearing/reading it, I’ve never been able to say or write it. I like writing erotic fiction, but when it comes to sex scenes I feel awkward and almost never continue.

20. I once accidentally masturbated in math class when I was in grade 9. I was 14, and I was just sitting with my legs crossed. I felt pressure, and it felt good, so I squeezed my legs tighter. I don’t know if anyone noticed, but I felt disgusting afterward. I had a hard time being in that room.

21. As long as I’m not sick, I really think I could masturbate to sleep every night, but part of me feels like a whore if I do.

22. I form really intense connections and I feel like I can’t move on sometimes. I feel guilt and regret really easily, so if I miss an opportunity, which I did when I was 17, I hold onto it for a long time.

23. The first time I thought about having sex was when I was 8. I only knew the basic mechanics of it (rod A goes into slot B sort of thing). I dreamed about having sex with Leonard Nimoy.

24. For a time I had major crushes on certain Deities that I worked with on a regular basis. I forced myself to project these feelings onto fictional characters, which I found a lot less creepy.

25. I sometimes worry I’ll have a vanilla sex life and won’t excite my future spouse because I’ll be too afraid for certain things like anal sex.