Thursday, March 24, 2011

1. I'm a 24-year-old biological female, and I am attracted to men, yet I think of myself as androgynous and queer.

2. I have been a tomboy ever since I can remember, as I have always been attracted to masculinity. I wanted to be it and to have it. When I was 5 or 6, I used to pretend I was a boy when I played either by myself or with others. I have always thought of myself either from an entirely male perspective or from a gender-nonspecific perspective (e.g. human).

3. I have always been highly sexual. I think the first time I experimented with masturbation, I was about 7 or 8. It happened accidentally. Somehow I ended up touching myself. I didn't even know what I was doing or what it was called. But then I began doing it whenever I had the chance. I think about sex a lot, every day.

4. When I was about 13 I started to be fascinated with and attracted to gay sex. At first I was kind of ashamed of it, but the more I thought of it, the more it made my heart pound and every inch of my body throb. So much so, that I fantasized I was physically a male myself, as I had always wanted to be, and having sex with other males. Later, I discovered that the terms which most closely described me were "girlfag," "autoandrophile" and "genderqueer," but I'm not really sure these terms encompass my identity entirely.

5. I have had sex with both males and females, and I have an insignificant attraction to females, while I am absolutely in love with the male body and masculinity, and genuine masculine behavior (not fake machismo).

6. Claiming that i'm a gay man in a woman's body may sound corny. However, I thought about sex reassignment many times when I was younger. Unfortunately, my current body morphed into a male wouldn't satisfy me, as I have quite a feminine physique - I am too short, too slender, too narrow and, with the medical knowledge of today, I would not be able to have a functional penis.

7. I love gay porn. I can become aroused watching both straight and gay porn, but clearly gay porn tops it for me. The best material for sexual arousal.

8. I have fantasies of being a guy and being dominated sexually by another guy. Anal sex, oral sex, facials, creampies, you name it

9. I also have fantasies of dominating other guys (not as frequent as being dominated though)

10. I would love to have successful anal sex. So far I've tried it once and it didn't go too well (I wasn't very comfortable with it, and the guy wasn't lubed enough).

11. I like kinky sex things - S&M, bondage, rape/humiliation role-plays--but not extreme things.

12. I find it very hard to express my identity and sexuality openly, due to the very narrow niche I seem to fall into.

13. After several failed attempts at relationships, I am convinced that a potential long-term partner for me would have to be insanely open-minded and, of course, bisexual.

14. Otherwise, I'd rather be single and take my pleasure where I can find it than waste time on boring straight dudes with dull sexualities and zero imagination.

15. As a teenager, I struggled with my sexuality and even considered seeking medical help or therapy to help me embrace my femininity, which I constantly rejected.

16. In the true tradition of the ancient Greeks, I feel that homosexual love is the most beautiful and glorious of all romances. To me, it by far surpasses heterosexual desire. I don't think of myself as a female variant of those dudes who like lesbian sex. I don't just "like" gay sex, I feel like I should be a man involved in it. Nonetheless, the sex act itself is not the only thing that makes me identify as queer. To me, queer is a state of mind and a state of being which, sprung from sexuality, ramifies into all aspects of life.

17. I know I am quite a physically attractive female, and I am very disenchanted by the heterosexist men and women who approach me. And most men and women are heterosexist. The more they are so, the more they turn me off, and the more they don't get why.

18. I never see myself getting married or having children, or living any of the socially comfortable, gender normative lifestyles.

19. If I were physically a man, I would neither be a macho nor a sissy.

20. If I were physically a man, I would be versatile sexually, but since I am attracted to more masculine, dominant men, I'd most often be a bottom.

21. Most of my natural mannerisms are quite masculine, although I have learned to behave in accordance to the female gender norm, under pressure from my family, peers, etc. I don't like it and I am struggling to minimize it.

22. However, due to my slender physique and my preference for tight clothing, I often come off as a punky rocker chick rather than someone with gender dysphoria.

23. I am very liberal about sex and admire sexually open people, gay, straight, male, female, intersex, androgynous, genderqueer, you name it. I like reading about sex, sexuality, sexually challenging, gender-challenging, non-normative sex, queer theory, feminism, sexual liberation, sexual revolutions, cultural impacts of sex, etc. I think one of the biggest of the social problems in the western world is our shame with sex.

24. My sexuality has affected and affects all aspects of my life. I find it intriguing how people want to belittle their sexuality.

25. My big sex fantasy right now is to have a threesome with two bisexual men. I want to see them fucking before me.