Monday, June 13, 2011

1. I'm a 25 year old queer woman. I identify as a dyke, which I think of as more open than lesbian - I am attracted mainly to female bodies, but I know it would be naive to think I could never fall for a male-bodied person. I'm kind of terrified of falling for a man because I think it would involve another "coming out" (to most of my friends, I am lesbian) and reassessment of my sexual identity. And because I don't want to give up sex with women.

2. I'm confident in my gender identity as a woman, but I struggle with gender expression. I don't think of myself as either feminine or masculine. I wear men's underwear under skirts. I'm terribly attracted to androgyny and wish my body was more androgynous. It's definitely feminine.

3. I was 23 before I did anything sexual with another person. I was embarrassed at the time, but now I'm glad I had my first sexual experiences as an adult. It makes me sad when people have a hard time with being a virgin in their 20s because I remember feeling that way and it all worked out.

4. I didn't masturbate until I was in my 20s - I grew up Catholic, and it took me a long time to get over my shame about sex.

5. I've only had one partner. I came out in my early 20s; I never dated before coming out (I thought I was interested in men, but I never managed a relationship), but I started dating my now-ex very shortly after coming out.

6. My first time was the most wonderful first sexual experience I can imagine. Even though I'm not with that partner anymore, I love remembering it.

7. I've never had a nonconsensual sexual experience, other than being felt up when I was super drunk. I feel almost guilty that my experiences of sex and my body have been so completely positive.

8. I love breasts, especially small ones. I love the way two women's bodies look together. I love love love watching my partner suck on my breasts. I am pretty sure I could come just from having my nipples stimulated.

9. I was terrible at making out at the beginning, but my ex called me a prodigy in bed. I think I'm meant to be a dyke because my body just knows what to do with another woman.

10. Oral sex is another matter. My ex didn't like it, so I haven't had much practice. The first time I went down on a woman I almost gagged, it was so overwhelming. I felt awful then because lesbians only talk about how great it is to give, and I thought there must be something wrong with me because it took some serious getting used to. Now, I love it - giving and receiving.

11. I love the smell of sex. I especially love smelling it in her hair before I go down on her.

12. I refuse to ever shave for anyone. I did it once and thought it looked like a prepubescent child; it's so un-sexy to me. I'd prefer my partners don't shave either, but it's their choice. But I think public hair is hot.

13. I think I miss making out even more than sex while I'm single. Women's lips are so soft.

14. I've only tried a vibrator once, but I vastly prefer my own fingers.

15. I have better orgasms alone, but nothing can replace the feeling of making a partner feel good. I love the gasps, sighs, moans, wetness, contractions. It's so intimate to feel all of that from the inside of another person's body. I really love being inside of each other at the same time and responding to each other's bodies.

16. (Vaginal) fisting was the best sex I've ever had. I don't like watching it in porn, but it's amazing in real life.

17. The most intimate sex I've had was days after a vaginal surgery. I'd had bad experiences in the hospital, and my partner went down on me a few days later at home. My body felt like it wasn't mine any more after the hospital; when we had sex, it seemed like she was giving my body back to me.

18. I don't get why people find period sex repulsive. It's just sex, with a little extra clean-up. And I want it more than ever when I'm on my period.

19. I can't decide whether I could do sex without love. Part of me wants a FWB situation because I want sex but I'm not ready for a serious relationship again. On the other hand, so much of the fun of sex is being so intimate with a person I love so much. Maybe I should just think of them (sex with love vs. without) as 2 entirely different activities.

20. I feel like my social world is pretty limited to just queer women, and maybe I should have more straight friends. But it's so easy to associate with each other as queers because we're a somewhat distinct group, we share some common experiences in families and in society as being gay, and it's just easier to find groups based on sexual orientation. I don't really know how else to meet people in the adult world except by going to various LGBT groups / events.

21. My mother called me a "fucking queer" when I came out and tried to cut me off financially when I moved in with my ex. Thank goodness my dad is way more understanding and didn't let her take away my health insurance. The atmosphere in my home (aside from my dad) is very homophobic, and I really wish I could save my teenage sister from it - partly because I suspect she's queer and partly because I want to be closer to her.

22. I guess I'm pretty vanilla, though I try to be GGG. I can't imagine even experimenting with BDSM (I don't judge it, it just doesn't turn me on), and role-play makes me pretty giggly and shy.

23. I like (queer) porn, which makes me feel terribly un-feminist. But some of it is hot. Jiz Lee is my favorite porn star; it makes the little Catholic I have left in me scream that I have a favorite porn star. Erotica is more predictably arousing for me, though.

24. I have better orgasms when I can make noise. And I love hearing my partner's moans.

25. Androgyny is the epitome of sexiness for me. In men or women.