Wednesday, June 15, 2011

1. I’m a 43-year-old male, straight, and in most ways quite masculine, but largely sexually submissive and very in touch with my feminine side.

2. My first recollection of a vaguely sexual feeling (although I of course didn’t recognize it as such at the time) was watching a women’s wrestling match on TV with my father at the age of seven or less.

3. The only aspect of my personality that I would consider to be a genuine “kink” is a consistent lifelong turn-on from women fighting, wrestling, boxing, etc. As my taste has refined, the preferred type of scenario has evolved specifically to be as brutal/genuine/realistic as possible, but with certain formalities, such as rules, a boxing/wrestling ring, etc.

4. My first orgasm was achieved with the aid of my mother’s Hitachi Magic Wand, and was so intense that I was fearful I’d injured myself.

5. My first experience with porn was reading a particularly juicy passage in my mother’s bedside copy of Marilyn French’s The Women’s Room.

6. Around the same time, I went through a brief period of taking Polaroid photos of my erect penis. The pictures were horrible, and, while the phase lasted, were an intense turn-on.

7. Although I never really thought of it as “bestiality,” and certainly don’t consider it to have been abusive, when I was in my early teens, I once enticed the family cat to lick my penis.

8. From the time I experienced my first pre-sexual “crushes,” I was most attracted to tomboyish, underdeveloped and in some usually subtle way “ugly” girls.

9. When I was in Boy Scouts, there was a woodpile out behind the meeting house where the older boys kept a stash of skin mags, some of which I pilfered. They were invariably tattered and water-stained.

10. My high school girlfriend was a skinny, flat-chested good girl who, though eventually going to third base, would never put out through five years.

11. Two months before graduating, I broke up with her to go out with a fast girl with large breasts and an English accent.

12. I lost my virginity on the bathroom floor of a strange girl’s apartment while her roomate fucked my friend on the sofa bed. I was almost too drunk to complete the transaction.

13. Some weeks later, I found myself in this girl’s apartment again, and during my second time having intercourse, the condom broke.

14. I have never been married, and have had only two relationships of more than a year in length.

15. I have had sex with well in excess of 100 partners over 25 years, and don’t consider myself particularly promiscuous.

16. I worked at an adult video-rental store in college. Though I looked forward to working with porn when I began, by the time I quit I mostly hated it and felt a sickening contempt toward the customers.

17. For several years, I dated an homely, fat girl in college. Though I loved her, I lived with the knowledge I would eventually have to break up with her because I wanted more attractive sexual partners.

18. I have never fucked a girl in the ass, and have never had a strong desire to.

19. I dated an earthy girl who taught me that I did enjoy having a vibrator used on my prostate.

20. I enjoy co-writing erotica with a sexual partner, but have mostly been disappointed in my partners’ efforts.

21. I dated a girl who played guitar in a metal band. One night when she was playing a show, we went back to my apartment between sets and fucked.

22. I dated a girl who was into the BDSM scene. She cut herself, and liked to be cut by her “dom,” who convinced her that I, an Eagle Scout, didn’t know how to handle a knife well enough to use it on her safely. This was my initial and lasting impression of the “lifestyle.”

23. I once found out three months after breaking up with a girlfriend that she had recently been hospitalized for a tubal pregnancy. I never felt guilty about this.

24. Though my drive and level of stimulation have diminished, I still usually masturbate once a day, and can orgasm three times in a day when given the proper stimuli.

25. Although I once thought it would be a relief when I got old enough that my sex drive started to abate, I now sadly realize that the equipment fails long before the desire does.