Saturday, December 15, 2012

1.       I’m a 19-year-old, delving eagerly into the process of questioning my assigned gender, which is female. 

2.       I’m very unsure of my sexual orientation. I most identify with the label bi-curious. It’s all up in the air right now. I’ve only ever had sexual experiences with men, two so far. 

3.       I am more often attracted to women over men. I’ve been attracted to women with all body types, skin colours; I’ve found no obvious patterns in my attraction.

4.       I think that if I had some sort of sexual experience with a woman it would solidify my sexual orientation. I’m not sure why I want to solidify it, though. I think that one of the reasons is that I feel like I never challenge heterosexist assumptions about myself because I’m so unsure about my attraction to women. I’m not sure if my attraction to women really is deeply sexual or I just think that a lot of women are beautiful. If I did start looking for someone to experiment with I know I would be picky about who. I never want to share my body with anyone who isn’t sex-positive, body-positive and feminist.

5.       For men, I’m least attracted to muscled, body-builder type figures.  Though I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule.

6.       I really want to experience oral sex with a woman. I just don’t know how to go about pursuing this fantasy while in an exclusive relationship. I would never cheat. My partner knows that I’m attracted to women, and honestly, I think that if the opportunity came up, he would probably be okay with my trying a one-night stand kind of thing with a woman. I’m just very anxious about trusting that he would be honest about his feelings towards it because I wouldn’t want it to strain our relationship at all.

7.       My favorite word for my cunt is cunt. I love the way it sounds and looks when written down. Something is so deliciously simple about it.

8.       My PIV sexual debut (a sex-positive term that rids the negative connotation of losing one’s virginity) was at 18, with my boyfriend. We had been dating for years, having lots of oral sex and just waiting for a time where it felt right to go further. I was ready for sex before he was and I patiently waited. When we finally did, he wasn’t very hard throughout it because he was nervous about performing well, but it was a great experience anyway.

9.       I’ve strip-teased on webcam and sent nude photos to a boy I met through the internet and I consider it a mistake. This was in a time in my life where I used my body to try to make boys like me.  Now I will never know if he still has those photos.

10.   Up until my current relationship I felt shame about doing sexual things. I succumbed under pressure to things I didn’t want to do, and rarely explored what I did want to do.  I feel like this is because I was affected by ideas that society puts forth about sex and women’s roles. Since becoming more feminist and sex-positive my sex life has definitely improved. Being able to talking openly about sex with my partner has lifted a huge weight off of me.

11.   I think that the way that cocks work is a beautiful metaphor for sexual desire and release. I like the boldness of erections. The pattern: the hardening, movement until cumming, the release and final softness of a hanging cock, drooping and exhausted. It makes sexuality look so clean and obvious, and in comparison vaginas seem so subtle and mysterious to me.

12.   For a long time I hated many parts of my body. Now I love myself wholly, especially the bits I hated most; I love the curve of fat at the top of my thighs and the way it looks against my cunt and I even love my small perky breasts.

13.   My previous boyfriend had begged me to give him a blowjob and when I finally did I simply hated it. I don’t think I was turned on at the time at all. I hated the smell and taste of his cock and the way if filled my mouth. I just put my mouth around it for less than a minute so that he would leave me alone about it. Afterwards he thanked me and said that he thought blowjobs were overrated because he didn’t like it very much. It was really frustrating for me because he said he thought it would be “gross” to perform oral sex on me, but urged me to go down on him after I told him I didn’t want to. In retrospect this disgusts me, and I feel like telling him that what he did was wrong because I don’t want him to put anyone else through that.

14.   I’ve been sexually assaulted 5 times. 4 out of 5 times I was groped by strangers in public in broad daylight. The other time a family member kissed me on the lips when I was upset. I’m still not sure if he meant the kiss to be sexual, but I felt violated afterwards and he never asked me if it was okay.

15.   I think I’d like to try anal sex, and some BDSM things (mostly being tied up during sex). Both scare me a bit, though.

16.   One of my favorite things is when my boyfriend goes down on me. He’s so passionate about it and I love that it turns him on. I get so horny as he kisses down my body, heading for my cunt.

17.   I find it exhilarating to have sex outside. Once I went down on my boyfriend in the basement of a half-built house that we broke into. Not knowing if someone was going to catch us made it so sexy.  

18.   I want to be fucked harder than I’ve ever been fucked.

19.   I love going down on my boyfriend. Something about the shape of the tip of his cock is so appealing; it makes me want to put my lips around it. Sometimes I like when he throat-fucks me, but I’m not in the mood for that all the time. We’re really consistent about being open about what we feel like doing, which I value a lot.

20.   I’ve never had an orgasm from PIV sex. It doesn’t bother me; I really do enjoy sex anyways. It’s such a different sensation for me than clitoral stimulation.

21.   I’ve recently been getting off by being in control. I suddenly realized that I previously rarely moved during sex and it really freaked me out. Being able to move my body against my partner is the fucking bomb.

22.   My first kiss was at summer camp and I snuck out of my cabin in the night for the kiss. It was so beautiful to kiss him in the moonlight, and his touch was so passionate and hesitant at once. It was a French kiss, and feeling his tongue on mine was incredible.  Even though it probably only lasted for a fleeting moment, it is still one of my most vivid sexual memories.

23.   Another vivid sexual memory of mine is when my boyfriend and I mutually masturbated until we both came. It was so steamy to watch him in such pleasure, and see him watch me. He came first, and afterward he kept urging me on saying “please cum, cum for me” as he watched me touch my clit. When I finally came it was so powerful. The whole time, we had an unspoken agreement that we weren’t going to touch each other. It was so sexy, when I think of it now there is a red haze over my vision.

24.   I’m going sex toy shopping with my boyfriend. I’m really excited. I want to try something that stimulates my clit while we fuck.

25.   Most porn turns me completely off.