Thursday, October 29, 2009

1) I'm a 40 something year old man. The more I work out, the more sexual I am.

2) I've had about 20 sex partners. One of them was male.

3) I've been married for over 20 years. My wife is really beautiful. In shape and hot. We have a couple of great kids. My family is the love of my life.

4) My one male partner was my cousin when I was 18. He sucked my cock and made me orgasm. I sucked his dick (I liked the feel of it in my mouth), but couldn't make him hard. I must have not been very attractive to him, because he definitely seemed a lot gayer than I was. He wanted to kiss, and I wouldn't.

5) I sometimes fantasize about being with men. My wife's hairdresser.

6) I've always thought my wife was kind of repressed (no toys, no porn, no anal, no masturbation, very very little oral, literally no fantasies at all). As I've gotten older I've come to realize that repressed may not be as accurate as highly selective and desiring to stay in control.

7) Earlier in my marriage I hired prostitutes a few times, and went to a Nevada brothel. I felt I owed myself something for staying in my marriage. I enjoyed at least one of the encounters, whom I felt close to, but generally they seemed wrong for me. Hurried and commercial. I like to feel wanted; this was the opposite. And I felt guilt afterward.

8) About 10 years ago my wife had an affair, having sex with another man in our home while I was away. She tried to break open some of her boundaries e.g. blowjobs and fantasies, but with someone else. When I found out about it I was devastated, but I told her about my forays with commercial sex, and we started to try to rebuild our marriage. I found some peace by rationalizing that humans are just wired to cheat. She is no different from anyone else (from me) It seems like we've been successful at this reconstruction project, but it's more like a second marriage between the same two people.

9) I did hire a prostitute one more time. A secret back at'cha.

10) I like to look at online porn a lot. I sometimes masturbate a lot, but more rarely as I get older. Sometimes I go to a peep show and watch the models masturbate.

11) I have a wild fantasy life. Would love to share my wife, go to an orgy, have shared bisexual experiences. Watch her with another man or woman. To be clear, I'd like to not only talk about, but live out these fantasies.

12) My fantasy life is definitely focused on my wife. But I'm scared to be real about this with her. I do try occasionally to bring up fantasies, but her discomfort seems intense.

13) I lust after pretty much anything female and (even moderately) cute. Pretty much anyone my age or younger. I'm that letchy guy. Oh well.

14) I started masturbating when I was 10. I don't think I made myself come until I was 11. One of the most intense orgasms I can remember having was masturbating in the same room (lights out) as my cousin (see number 4) when we were 12.

15) After I learned how to make myself come I masturbated all the time. I used salad oil for lubricant, and sometimes kept my semen in a small bottle. I was amazed and delighted with the powerful smell of it. A few weeks after I learned how to come my penis was literally swollen around the crown from over-use.

16) I lost my virginity when I was 17, with my beautiful 16 year old ballet dancer girlfriend. I had lied to her, telling her I had more experience than I did. She dumped me a few weeks later, after cheating on me.

17) I fell in love with someone (i.e. they loved me back) when I got to college. She was blonde down to the pudendum, and very smart and passionate. Wore clogs and danced. We fucked all the time. I only found out after about 6 months that she wasn't having orgasms, so I learned how to make her come with my mouth.

18) She cheated on me too. In fact, every woman I've ever been in a relationship with has cheated on me.

19) I like having something in my ass. I totally fantasize about my wife pegging me. She's said no dice.

20) I was in love with a girl for years whom I only kissed once (a good night peck). She married someone else, I married someone else, but I still think about her. Not as much as I used to. Not contacting her is my gift to her and to my wife and family.

21) My wife likes how I fuck her, most of the time. She usually has at least two orgasms, often three. She tells me I have the biggest dick she's ever fucked, I find that hard to believe, as she literally can not count the number of men she's fucked. She told me it was over 40; I overheard her mention to a friend once it was over 60. At the right time of the month she can have 6 or 7 or more orgasms. I think she feels closer to me after her affair.

22) I still don't know how I feel about it (her affair). I do know that ending my marriage would likely result in more misery, poverty and despair for a number of people I care about. And that any other marriage I would start would have its own issues, probably of a very similar nature. And probably be with someone a lot less attractive.

23) One favorite fantasy: tying my wife up and pleasuring her (or not) as I choose. Bringing her almost to orgasm and making her wait.

24) Sometimes I think I'd like to have an affair like she did. (It is disconcerting that one of the most significant events in my sexual history happened without me being present). But when I've gotten close to cheating I've found that I'm not attracted enough to person X to want to endure the spiritual damage of lying to my wife or jeopardizing my family.

25) I love to watch women make themselves come. My wife won't do that for me.