Thursday, November 19, 2009

1. I’m a white male, in my mid-30s. I have a grad school level education; I’m an above average income earner, who comes from a lower middle class background. I am recently divorced and we did not have any children. I mention these things because I think a person’s background and current situation can affect their sexual proclivities.

2. I’m usually attracted to two ‘types’ of women: Smaller, curvy brunettes with big eyes and dark complexions who are typically quite ‘high maintenance’; and tall statuesque blondes with blue/green eyes and largish breasts who are easier to get along with. I think that I have dated more of the former and less of the latter because I feel like I have ‘earned’ their love more.

3. Intelligence and confidence are the ultimate aphrodisiacs. I’ve never been attracted to a woman who wasn’t smart, no matter how attractive she is.

4. I love talking dirty. I don’t like doing it over the phone, but I can and will say some filthy things before, during and after sex.

5. I think that it’s perfectly OK for people in a happy, healthy relationship to want to have sex with other people. ‘Traditional’ monogamy is not suited to everyone. I would feel uncomfortable in an ‘open relationship’, where both partners were free to sleep with other people without the participation or knowledge of the other partner. However, if both partners are sleeping with the same people at the same time, I think that the experience can be very fulfilling and can also bring both partners closer together.

6. I have been in several relationships with bisexual women (including my ex-wife). In most cases our dalliances with threesomes and group sex were positive, but the relationships didn’t work out for a variety of other reasons.

7. The older I get, the more I realise the crucial role honesty plays in good sex as well as a good relationship. It seems like a no-brainer, but I don’t know if I’ve ever really been completely honest in asking for what I want in a relationship or in the bedroom.

8. I find body hair on both men and women to be distasteful. I wax regularly and would find it hard to be with anyone who did not. I love the way a smooth, stubble-free pussy feels under my tongue. I feel that the hairlessness removes a ‘barrier’ between me and my partner. The tactile sensations are more acute and I feel closer to my partner when I can’t feel the hair.

9. Both of my nipples are pierced and I have several tattoos. I usually hate getting needles when I go to the dentist or doctor, but I find the piercing and tattooing process to be very erotic.

10. I love piercing and tatts on women even more than I love them on me.

11. I think piercings and tattoos display a certain sense of daring and ownership in the person who has them. I’m aware that both have become commonplace and that many people get either or both on a whim. I feel that even these whims come from a motivation on the individual’s part to take ownership of themselves and to stop being what other people expect them to be.

12. When I first have sex with a woman, I find it hard to ejaculate. I remain hard and I enjoy the sex and consciously I would like to have an orgasm, but in some way I feel it’s almost disrespectful to my partner to ejaculate. It’s so messy.

13. I love performing oral sex. One of the best compliments I ever received was during a threesome with my ex-wife and one of her friends. I was going down on my wife’s friend, who was kissing my wife and moaning in pleasure. She stopped kissing my wife long enough to say “My God, your husband has an amazing tongue." My wife replied “I told you” before coming down to help me with her friend.

14. I have a number of female friends. I’ve slept with almost all of them. I feel closer to them than I think I would if I had not. In most cases, we would think nothing of occasionally having sex when either they or I were single. It was never awkward or strange afterwards. I think it’s because I love all of them a little bit and don’t feel I have to put any distance between us following the act.

15. I’ve been accused of being good at friendship but lousy at relationships. There is some truth in this. I don’t think I was ever loved enough as a child and I know that I was constantly demeaned by my parents and told I was worthless. I think this has made it really hard for me to become emotionally intimate with people.

16. I get really turned on by formal wear and formal occasions. I love wearing a tuxedo and I love a woman in a ball gown or a cocktail dress. Formal attire seems inherently glamorous to me and I also love the thought of what women may be wearing under their formal gowns. The juxtaposition between genteel normality and the naughty sexy things happening underneath is an immense turn-on.

17. I have a slightly larger than average sized penis when erect, but when it’s flaccid, it can sometimes become frighteningly small. I sometimes become embarrassed by this when I am at the gym. I have actually started taking Cialis so that my penis will look bigger in the gym changing room. I know this is stupid, but it makes me feel better about myself.

18. Although I have never indulged the fantasy, I have recently been thinking that I could have sex with a guy. He would have to be quite feminine in appearance, well muscled, toned but womanly... slightly built. I find the idea of kissing a man distasteful, but I think I would be able to perform anal and oral sex on him. I wouldn’t swallow and I think I would freak out if any cum got on me. I’ve never masturbated to this fantasy, but when I have thought about it in the abstract, the guy has usually been of Asian appearance.

19. I think that the above idea formed in my mind when my ex-wife and I had a foursome with another couple. While I was having sex with the other woman, I watched my wife 69’ing with the other guy. She stopped blowing him for a second leaving her hand on his cock. I had an enormous desire to change my position so I could suck his cock. I’m not sure if I wanted do it because I wanted to have his penis in my mouth or because I wanted to participate in what my wife was doing.

20. My ex-wife and I picked up a guy in a bar in Paris once. We took him back to our hotel where he and I double-teamed my wife. While he and I were both inside her, I could feel his cock on mine through the flesh separating my wife’s anus and vagina. It was an odd, but pleasurable experience.

21. I find it hard to orgasm from oral sex. I’ve only ever succeeded 3 or 4 times in my entire life. That being said, I’ve never really been with many women who’ve seemed to like or to be overly committed to the task.

22. I don’t have a problem with light bondage and discipline, but I rarely engage in any of these activities. I’m always in control in the bedroom and would feel funny if a woman tried to ‘top’ me. I am hesitant to even spank a woman because I am afraid I will hit too hard.

23. I like porn, but find a lot of it to be formulaic and uninteresting. I think that film makers like Erika Lust make the best kind of porn / erotica. The performers all actually look like they are enjoying themselves and they never seem to fall into the standard porn pro-formas.

24. I’ve been secretly in love with one of my best female friends for about 16 years now. I have never made a move on her or told her how I feel because I have always been frightened that it won’t work out and I will lose her as a friend. In reality, I suspect that my lifelong feelings of inadequacy have lead me into relationships which I knew would never make me happy. I think that maybe I have never said anything to my friend because I don’t feel like I deserve to be happy.

25. Both of us are single at the moment, so I have been wondering if I will seize the moment.