Thursday, April 21, 2011

1. I am a 19-year-old female who has been wanting to do this list for quite a while.

2. I've wanted to do this because I find it quite hard to talk to anyone at the moment about sex, even though lately it's become more of a big deal to me.

3. Unfortunately I'm a virgin, but I hate it and don't want to be for much longer. It seems that when people find out they either stop talking about sex or keep asking if I understand what they're talking about. I don't know why they think it means I don't know anything.

4. Admittedly that is better than the last people who I told, who just gave me a disgusted look and turned away. It made me feel like crap.

5. It's weird how much my views on sex have changed. Three years ago I was lecturing my friends about how they should wait for the right person. I like the idea of waiting, but now I just feel like I'm missing out.

6. I do have a very healthy interest in guys, but I cannot talk to them. At all. Apparently that's what five years at an all-girls school will do to someone.

7. I do like to wear low-cut tops as I feel that my breasts are my only good feature. I spent years being raised by my dad who found nothing wrong with pointing out how fat I am and despite people telling me otherwise, I will always believe it. I suppose I use my breasts to take the attention away from any other "wobbly bits."

8. As a result of 3, 6 and 7, I have never even been kissed by anyone, let alone touched. This depresses me more than I let people know.

9. I have only held one boy's hand in my entire life and that was a gay mate of mine as a joke.

10. The first time I ever heard about sex was when I was ten and a friend gave me a very detailed description about what her pets had got up to the night before.

11. My mum has been one of the best people to talk about sex with (as apposed to my dad who still thinks I don't know anything). This has probably shaped me quite well as I know that I'll always have someone to talk to, but also as she wasn't uptight about it as other people's parents were, I know the truth; that having sex is going to most likely be a lot of fun and nothing to be ashamed of.

12. Even though I have never been touched, it doesn't stop me from doing it myself. I started around two years ago, but would only ever do it in the bathroom as it was the only room with a lock and I was scared of someone walking in on me.

13. I now masturbate in my room (much more comfortable). I have to do so at least every other night, if I go for any longer without doing it I get easily agitated.

14. It took me well over a year before I could make myself orgasm. The times before that were pleasurable but also frustrating as hell.

15. Even though I can now orgasm and can make myself come 4-6 times a night (I don't know if this is good going or not) I'm still not sure I'm doing it right. Everyone I've talked to says it feels like an explosion and while that's kind of true for me, it still feels over-exaggerated. I guess that's just because I'm always aware that I'm doing it to myself and that I haven't got anyone to do it for me. I feel really alone.

16. I find it really weird that when I do talk to friends about sex, the only one I can have a serious conversation with is also a virgin but the two who aren't get all giggly or don't really want to talk about it. I feels like it should be the other way around.

17. I'm pretty much open to anything, well except all those leather things and stuff like whips, just a bit too kinky for me. My friends have already decided against things like anal and even blow jobs. I think that you should at least try it before you make any decisions. I'm even open to threesomes, and that includes two guys or a guy and a girl. I'm still unsure about all-girl.

18. Despite what I said in 17, I've never really considered myself anything other than straight, though I can appreciate when a girl is naturally beautiful. I think it's because I've never really thought about it and, again, my dad is very homophobic, so I'd know he'd disown me. Though lately I seem to be getting increasingly curious.

19. I have watched quite a bit of porn as I thought it would help to get me off, though with some you really can't get past the bad acting. I love it when I'm watching amateur porn as it's more real and the sounds of the couple screaming make me seriously wet.

20. I spend a lot of my time on literotica as this never fails to get me off. As much as I do like a nice sex story, my favourites are the non-consent/reluctance stories. I'm quite worried about what this possibly says about me but I love it when the girl is forcibly taken and when there's a lot of dirty talk. Just to be clear, though, I only like the ones where she was already thinking about it or ends up loving it. I do not like rape stories, they do nothing for me.

21. My sex fantasies at the moment are to be tied to the bed and to use food. I know they're not particularly adventurous, but I am still inexperienced. I like the thought of being tied up, because I am quite shy and wouldn't really know what to do, the guy would have to do all the work and I'd just love to lick melted chocolate of off a guy's chest or have them lick it off my chest and stomach. I wouldn't use whipped cream, though; seems too clich├ęd.

22. The only two people I have ever told any of this to are guys I talk to over the internet. One I had been talking to for ages and felt comfortable talking about it with him. I have no idea why I told the other one.

23. I have a huge crush on the first guy in 22, and it was only after our first discussion about sex that I had my first orgasm, as I was thinking about everything he had told me about himself and what he likes. I'm getting annoyed, though, lately, as he doesn't seem to want to talk any more, and keeps asking to meet up then backs out. I know that after everything we've said, if we met, I would probably either jump him or let him have his way if he did so to me. The second guy from 22 I like but am not really attracted to, which is a shame as he is not shy about what he wants to do with me.

24. I seem to always be thinking about sex and lately get wet really quickly. I really need to get a boyfriend soon as I need someone to deal with how horny I can get and because I'm getting tired of my own fingers and don't really want to get a vibrator in case it gets found. I don't know how I'd be in a relationship, though, as if I get over my shyness, I will probably be wanting sex all the time. Though I think I can find a guy who will be OK with that.

25. I often joke that, even though I am trying to wait for the right guy, when they come along I probably won't be able to walk for weeks and that if I don't find someone and this 2012 nonsense turns out to be true, I'm either going to grab the first person I find or be on the first guy from 2's3 doorstep. If neither of those plans work, the second guy said, if it is true, that he'd gladly sort me out.