Tuesday, May 24, 2011

1. I am an 18 year old, cis, bisexual female who is totally writing this to avoid a ten page paper.

2. I am a virgin (how boring) and have never been in any sort of romantic relationship because I am awkward as hell around people, not because I don't want to (I do! I do!).

3. That being said, I am both terrified and excited at the prospect of sex.

4. When I was really little (2-4?) my brother and I would play doctor, and I really hope he doesn't remember (he probably does because he is two years older than I am).

5. My friend next door and I would act out elaborate sex scenes with Barbie dolls and Polly Pockets, usually where the female heroines are captured and forced to be sex slaves to the evil mastermind. They would eventually escape, beat him up, and go on with their cool ass-kickin' lives.

6. I was exposed to porn for the first time because that same friend had a stash of German porn magazines that her aunt sent her. Someone's mother found them and was very upset, but I don't think we ever threw them away.

7. I masturbate on the weekends because that is when my roommates are gone. My next door neighbor recently suggested that he can hear me occasionally. Oops, haha.

8. My favorite and most reliable way of getting off is my electric toothbrush (which is as loud as a jet engine, hence 7). This year was the first time I orgasmed by hand and by water faucet (wonderful!).

9. I started masturbating around 11 or 12 to role-play threads on gaiaonline (haha such a dork). I didn't find my clit or orgasm, however, until senior year of high school.

10. Most of my time is spent daydreaming. I am a hopeless romantic. Weirdly, though, I rarely masturbate to sexual fantasies. Masturbation has always been goal-oriented for me, and I get frustrated if I can't come.

11. I want so badly to talk about sex with my friends, but most of my friends in college are judgmental and prudey. I love reading feminist and sex blogs in my spare time, and that helps me explore my feelings about sex.

12. Speaking of judgmental and prudey friends, they are part of the reason I have not gotten laid by now. I always party with them, and it is awkward if I want to dance with a guy (let alone another girl) and I am the only person in the group doing it. Although at the last club I went to I did dance with a guy. It was nice, except he would not put his hands on my hip so he was just bobbing up and down behind me. I got bored and I was pretty sure my pony tail was in his face so I stopped. He did have a raging boner, so that made me laugh a little. On a side note, I love getting compliments from drunk people because they are so earnest and in awe. It is like they actually believe wholeheartedly what they are saying and they really want you to believe it to. It is so different from artificial, polite compliments, like "I love those shoes." I don't know, I just think being drunk is wonderful.

13. Only my very best friend from elementary school knows that I am bisexual (she is amazing and was not weird about it at all, mostly because she is miles ahead of me in that she is super smart and amazing). It is not that my other friends and family would be mad or disgusted, I am just afraid that if I told them they would treat me differently. Maybe I am afraid they would be disgusted.

14. My best friend is incredibly sexy, but I am not romantically attracted to her and I never had to explain that to her. That is why she is amazing and lovely!

15. Drinking makes me less socially anxious and more flirty, but I don't want alcohol to be a requirement for me having fun sexy times.

16. I think I would be very good in the sack. I like trying new things, am extremely conscientious, and am comfortable with my body. But what do I know?

17. Have I mentioned that I have never kissed anyone? Really, I am a sad case.

18. I love playing with my clit and have never gotten off playing with my vagina, but maybe that would be different with a partner.

19. Watching people kiss is incredibly sexy.

20. I cannot cannot cannot watch sexy things with other people in the room, though. If there is a passionate scene in a movie I get so embarrassed. I think I get embarrassed because I don't like people seeing me as someone who enjoys sex and that is messed up because I do! My American Puritan upbringing has totally screwed me over (pun unintended).

21. Another reason I have never been in a relationship is that I don't notice I have crushes on people until I am firmly in the friend zone, or when they are about to move away or something. I really need to be more aware of my feelings toward people. Also, I am more inclined to like someone when I know they like me, which is problematic to say the least.

22. I would love to try bondage (scary but very sexy), outdoor sex (sun on my skin!), food play that isn't too messy, any sort of position that is convenient--basically I just really want to have sex ASAP.

23. I would love to be shoved up against a wall and fucked hard (which would be easy because I am tiny). I think my submissive fantasies are all a result of me being hella lazy and indecisive. I hate being the leader or the one controlling a situation.

24. I am afraid of dying having never been in a relationship or even kissed someone. So depressing!

25. This site gets me hot and gives me hope that there are actually people out there who are having sex and I just have to find someone I like and who likes me back.