Monday, October 31, 2011

1) I am a 29 year old male homosexual. I married my husband this year, which is legal in the country where we live.

2) When I was 20, I had a girlfriend at university, but it only lasted six weeks and was more sort of an experiment. I talked her into having sex before exploring the relationship in more depth, because I still was a virgin and this would release some tension. It did and I still think it was a good idea.

3) When she kissed me the first time, I was surprised and confused because it came somehow unexpected and I had never kissed someone before. I told her that I was willing to see where things might go and that I might be bisexual. She agreed.

4) She broke up with me six weeks after (which might also be related to the fact that I sucked in bed, and I don’t mean the good kind of sucking). I was not too disappointed. Her next boyfriend turned out to be gay, too. But she got over it and we are still friends.

5) I started masturbating when I was 13 and found out how things worked. I do it ever since, usually every day. At nighttime, it gives me a most relaxing weariness and sleep.

6) An orgasm from my own hands feels very different to me from sex. It’s almost like chocolate and strawberries. Both are fine, you have to be in the mood for one or the other.

7) I can shoot quite far. Although it is not always practical as you have to clean the sheets, wall or furniture, it is a huge turn on. I pity the porn stars that only drip.

8) I watch quite a lot of porn. I prefer a natural setting, with people hugging, kissing and laughing. Also, they are allowed to have hair where adults have hair. Trimmed and groomed is OK (this is also how I wear it). I can’t help it, but shaved reminds me of children.

9) Although I should know better, condoms in porn are really a turn-off for me. It just does not work. The main sexual organ is between one’s ears, so I get off on true intimacy, and that includes for me mucosa contact. This is by no means generally anti-condoms. Have safer sex, people, and protect yourselves!

10) My husband is the only man I ever had sex with. It started as an experiment when I was 21, and we sort of stuck together. Although I certainly would have liked to sow my wild oats, I cherish very much what I have. It just turned out that way. We are exclusive and intend to stay so until further notice.

11) Once I was told by a guy in his fifties that every gay relationship opens sooner or later. I was really pissed because who the hell was he to say so? Defiantly, I really hope to prove him wrong (but I’m afraid he might be right).

12) When I was 16, I jerked off a friend when he stayed over. He did not like it, so I apologized the next day and it was OK. I am still a little sorry for urging him, but: hey, it didn’t kill him, and it is also amusing to have had the same cock in my hands that has fucked several girls of our clique.

13) By the way: Someone wrote here before that the world would be a much better place if every man knew about the magic of prostate stimulation. I totally and absolutely agree. One should start campaigning.

14) A few weeks ago, a male gay couple in a magazine was asked whether they practice anal sex as it was quite a challenging/brutal technique. I was really astonished by the tone of this question because although one has to be careful at anal sex, I never looked at it this way. There are days I have trouble fitting the dick of my husband, which is not small. But anal sex is such an intense sensation (also of aforementioned intimacy) that I would never want to miss it.

15) I hate to admit it, but I am a total bottom. Fucking my husband gives me nothing. Zero. (Apart from the slightly encouraging feeling of dominance, also because he is bigger than me.)

16) Blowjobs give me nothing.

17) Because of #15 and #16, I sometimes wonder whether I am a “real” man. I mean, what is “wrong” with me if I can’t come in or by someone else? It is generally very hard if not impossible for me to come without my own hands.

18) Speaking of which, I am sexually really complicated to handle. Sometimes I wished to have a button that makes me come, but instead I have this thing “Touch me there. No, not any longer. Now touch me there. Ouch, your kisses hurt...”

19) The first time we had sex, I was too blocked to come all night.

20) #18 is also the reason I refrain from inviting a third and fourth man into our bed. I’d love to try it, but I’m afraid to “not function” because he doesn’t know how to play me. And additionally I am much more afraid to fuck something up in my relationship. So we don’t. Our sex life is satisfying anyway (for the moment).

21) Luckily, my environment is very liberal and open. I almost never encountered refusal. Coming out was not a big thing either. At work I am also completely outed (OK, it’s academia, but anyway). When I get visited at home, I do not particularly hide our lube. I mean, come on: We are young and healthy, of course we have sex. Hiding it would be more pretentious in my eyes.

22) 25 things are really a lot. Here are a few fun facts: Spontaneous boners in puberty are no fun. I had them for years in school.

23) I had to grin when I got one in a seminar a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s just a neuronal reaction from the combination of hard chairs and boredom.

24) Celebrities I’d like to fuck: Zachary Quinto, Ed Westwick and Elijah Wood. Also Dita von Teese, which is really odd.

25) It’s always funny to see guys getting alcohol-gay, getting all touchy-feely after a few drinks. I can assure you, there is also an alcohol-heterosexual…