Sunday, June 14, 2009

1. I’m almost fifty. My body has changed greatly in its sexual responses over the past few years, and now I’m willing to do and have done to me things I would have never allowed before.
2. I think my sex drive used to be visceral and hormonally driven. Now it’s not, and I feel like I respond as much mentally as physically.
3. I finally acted on my fetish for shibari when I was in my early forties. I would tie myself up and masturbate.
4. I always wondered how people could enjoy such extreme behaviors that I saw in BDSM porn. When I started doing shibari, I realized it was a slippery slope. I started with a simple breast harness. A year later, I would bind every possible inch of my body by myself and have nipple clamps. One of my favorite experiences was all that and being spanked too.
5. One of my fantasies is to have my hands and my feet tied to my hips or thighs and have someone fuck me senseless that way. Having my breasts bound and being blindfolded would be icing on the cake.
6. I’m indecisive about whether I still like my body wrapped in shibari when I’m having sex, but I love to have my hands tied.
7. Unfortunately, my husband is a true sub, and anything that was less than dom behavior from me was a complete turnoff for him.
8. He has lost interest in actual intercourse, and prefers to give me massages instead. If it’s a really good one I’m asleep before it’s over
9. A few years ago my husband decided he wanted to be a cuckold, and encouraged me to get a lover. He even went so far as to vet candidates online.
10. I love rubbing my body against another. That is as good as any sort of foreplay for me, and if I do it long enough, I can be perfectly happy just getting off that way too.
11. I do love giving head, even kind of rough and pushed against a wall, grabbing my hair.
12. I used to swallow, years ago, but now that is one of the few things that is a turn-off for me.
13. I’m also not too big on anal, mostly because the sight or smell of shit is another big turn-off.
14. I’ve never had a successful threesome, and now I suspect I never will because I’d want it to be with people I’m emotionally interested in, and that would be pretty unlikely. Ideally it would be with a guy and a woman with a strap-on dildo.
15. I feel extremely fortunate to have experienced the supposed 4 kinds of orgasm. Vaginal, clitoral, g-spot and cervical.
16. I never identified the cervical one until I read a sex/yoga guy talk about how that is the ultimate orgasm for a woman, and that it can only be achieved when a penis is long enough to massage the cervix. The same thing is alluded to in the Kama Sutra, about there being appropriate sized cocks for the variety of depths of the vagina.
17. I still think about sex a lot, but it’s not as visceral as it was. I used to be able to imagine myself to orgasm, but not anymore.
18. That said, I find myself really anticipating the moment when a cock is completely inside me.
19. Being high during sex is a lot more fun than being drunk during it.
20. But being high tends to separate me from where- or whatever it is that causes that sort of ultimate white light. I end up in a different place.
21. There seems to be a moment before sex but after we start kissing that my physical body becomes secondary, or maybe even tertiary.
22. Conversely, there seems to be a moment after we’re done that I become aware of my physical body and surroundings again.
23. I’m working on separating sex and love and attachment. Studying yoga has helped me think about how to do this,
24. Doing pranayama breathing during sex has taken my sexual experience and orgasms to a complete other level, beyond the physical.
25. It is a turn on for me during sex to visualize these sort of cosmic ideas, for example, an image of our prana bodies intertwining.