Saturday, August 20, 2011

1. I am 31 years old and consider myself mostly straight.

2. I lost my virginity when I was 21. I've never really had a whole lot of luck with men.

3. I have made out with women before, and have been thinking more and more recently about having sex with a woman, but I don't necessarily consider myself bisexual.

4. I am an immigrant to this country, and I think that I identify strongly with gay people because of it. I really identify with their feelings of isolation and fear of discovery and being "outed," and draw a lot of parallels between growing up gay and growing up an immigrant. Homosexuality and transsexuality interest me; I campaigned for gay marriage in my state. I am extremely secure in my sexuality, but I am becoming more aware every day that it is not as black and white as I may have been raised to believe.

5. I was celibate for 4 years. At first unintentionally, and then on purpose. I know that the time I spent not having sex made me appreciate how I feel about sex and sexuality a lot more. I am more honest with myself about what sex means to me.

6. I have slept with 8 men in the last 10 years of my sexual activity. Two I considered boyfriends at the time, but ever only called one my boyfriend in public. Four were one-night stands. Four were friends with benefits. One was my best friend's boyfriend, whom I fucked while I was dating the only one I ever called my boyfriend. One was my best friend.

7. I had a mostly platonic relationship with a man. It made me realize that I was madly in love with him and I had a really fucked-up conception of love.

8. I have a hard time connecting sex with love.

9. I have a hard time connecting with people beyond sex.

10. Sex energizes me. I prefer to be on top. I like to be in control in bed as much as possible, and I prefer rough sex.

11. I have considered doing porn. I think that in this day and age, there is less stigma involved and more room to be who you want to be and still be seen as smart.

12. I don't know any new sex terminology. I don't really care.

13. I worry sometimes that I will never have a relationship beyond casual sex. I don't know what that makes me.

14. I was raised very religious, and my beliefs now contradict strongly with my upbringing. I am glad that I was able to overcome the church's narrow view of sex and sexuality, and never got brainwashed.

15. My sex drive fluctuates wildly. I can go long periods without thinking about it and then become insanely horny.

16. The best sex I have ever had was with a man I barely knew. He was 12 years older than me.

17. The man I am seeing now is much younger than me. I care about him, but I don't see our relationship going anywhere, and being with him makes me realize that I am ready for something serious. I feel like I may be too emotionally stunted to get it.

18. I saw porn for the first time when I was 7 or 8. It was a weird collage in my friend's attic. Looking back, I remember it now as a dusty framed poster of a collage someone made and hid in the attic. Looking back, that's insanely creepy.

19. I have three older sisters. We have only begun to talk about sex now that we are all in our thirties.

20. I don't remember having "the talk" with my mother, but I do remember her saying inappropriate things to me as a child that I am just getting as an adult. I find them funny, mostly.

21. I have never role-played in bed, but I have tried bondage. I would like to get into a relationship with someone who is very open sexually and with whom I can explore things.

22. I have only been in love with one person. We were extremely close for 10 years, and only had penetrative sex once. I was fiercely in love with him and he cared nothing about me. He just liked that I worshiped him.

23. I have never had sex with or even made out with anyone of my own race. I really, really want to.

24. I consider myself beautiful for the first time in my life. It has made me extremely selective.

25. My goal is to marry my soul-mate. I'm worried I'll never meet him.