Sunday, February 15, 2009

1. my first orgasm was when i was about 8 years old, and it scared the crap out of me, kind of literally. i was at a friend's house, in the 70's and going "number 2" and it was a really hard one to get out, so i was squeezing my legs together a lot, kind of pushing (while looking at cheezy sexual representations of the astrological signs on the wallpaper) and i felt "that feeling" between my legs, but i didn't know what it was. i kept pumping, long after the poop passed, until something happened, but it wasn't pee and i didn't know what it was. when i was done, i went to the kitchen, where my friends parents were and told them what had happened, and everyone laughed. i was hurt and embarrassed, but now i get it.

2. i can still make myself cum better than almost any lover i've ever had. almost.

3. as a child, i was a victim of incest. in a coat closet at a family reunion. as a teenager i was stalked and violently raped at gunpoint in my own bed by a "stranger." he was black and i never saw his face, only his hands. it took me forever to be able to have sex face-down again, but it really is my favorite. i still can't have sex with a black man because their hands freak me out, and i don't think i have ever hung up a coat in a coat closet.

4. i consider myself straight even though i really love having sex with women. they are so delicious and soft and responsive and yummy. but i have never felt that romantic "coupling" feeling for a woman, so that's why i consider myself straight. that, and i really like cocks, the kind with nerve endings, not batteries.

5. that said, i love toys. and just about anything is pervertable. i swear, every time i see a new object, room, view, (person,) i wonder what sex would be like with it. sometimes i crack myself up that way, other times i gross myself out, but mostly it's just me. everything gets back to sex.

6. i loathe pubic hair. on men or women. i'll do just about anything sexually, except pubic hair.

7. i absolutely cannot stand people who define themselves by their sexuality and want to talk about it and their sexual revelations and what they mean and how it relates to the meaning of life and how society needs to be restructured to meet the needs of their fragile fucking psyches. blah blah blah. i am not your therapist.

8. i "really" lost my virginity between my sophomore and junior years in high school. i was 15, he was 25 and knew what he was doing. i came twice. it was many many many years before i had another lover who could make me cum.

9. when i masturbate or just fantasize about sex, it's usually group settings. i like having lots and lots of people fucking around me, and love the idea of being blindfolded while one person after another eats me out. my favorite fantasies (and real life adventures) are usually FFM threesomes. there's something about everyone serving and being served that seems so nice and tidy, like a perfect circle.

10. i am ridiculously noisy. so when i MUST be quiet, the sheer acting of having to be quiet actually turns me on because it's such a boundary pusher for me.

11. i used to feel like a freak because i liked sex so much. then i found people who admit to liking it as much as i do. now i'm amongst the most "vanilla" of my social circle, which is funny to me.

12. as a mother, i really hope that i can help my daughter feel comfortable in her own sexuality, whatever that is, because i truly believe that if your sexual identify is out of whack or unfulfilled, it's hard to get the rest of your life straightened out. that said, the idea of her having sex makes me want to vomit almost as much as the idea of either of my parents having sex.

13. my father is gay, so i've been raised around sexual openness and the "alt" lifestyle for as long as i can remember. that, and my mother is a slut, but the lying kind, not the ethical kind.

14. i really love my body. sometimes i just look at it and marvel. wow. we've done some cool stuff together.

15. i love porn. well, i love the idea of porn, but am amazed how many fake boobs there are out there, and guys who leave their gym socks and sneakers on while getting a blow job. really? so i just watch the free stuff, i've never paid for it, doubt i ever will, but i would like to build the ultimate porn site.

16. i do not like gender bending boys. don't know why. gender bending girls turn me on.

17. i fucking love to be restrained.

18. as much as i love sex, i pretty much can't do it without an emotional connection. (except at play parties.) so, even though i picture myself in lots of crazy situations as some sort of sexual diva with lovers surrounding me and serving me, the truth is, if my heart isn't in it, it wont' happen. i like the love and trust part. that's pretty sacred with me. even casual sex, with me, has to be with people i like.

19. i am absurdly picky, i know that Seinfeld said 95% of the population is undatable, i think it's more like 99%.

20. i used to be able to orgasm just from nipple play, which is crazy.

21. i almost had an orgasm recently just from giving a blow job, which i would have thought was impossible if i hadn't felt it myself, now i want to see if i can get there.

22. when i invite a third party into the bed i share with my partner, i want them gone when we're done. no breakfast, no nothing.

24. i've never been with a guy who wanted to be on the receiving end of a strap-on, and i'm kinda glad because i don't "get it." but at the same time, i feel like it's this act that i'm being denied, and i dont' like being denied, so i want to do it, even though i don't think it turns me on.

25. i am very very very very curious about other people's sexuality. not in a judgmental way, but pretty much nothing fascinates me like the spectrum of human sexuality and activity. i studied the porn industry in college, getting an anthropology degree, and regret that i didn't pursue academic research related to sexuality after working so hard to convince the powers that be that the adult industry was a legitimate culture in and of itself.