Thursday, May 28, 2009

1. First, the confession: I am a female, a virgin and I am 25.
2. My only boyfriend was when I was 12, and he kissed me on the check, twice.
3. I have only kissed one person on the lips, in a game of Truth or Dare. It was with someone I had a mild crush on at the time, but afterward I was disapointed - the only sensation was of wetness. I am still pissed off at the person who pushed me into playing for spoiling my crush.
4. The first 3 things make me very sad.
5. At random moments I will want to kiss someone so much I have to hold myself back from just grabbing them and doing it. Getting a whiff of a man's aftershave will sometimes trigger it, which is weird when I think about it because it's probably just some mass-produced stuff he got at the supermarket.
6. While totally appaling in every way, I find the idea of rape very interesting for some reason and construct little stories/scenarios around it when I daydream.
7. Sometimes I wish I could be raped so I would have an excuse for my complete lack of sexual activity.
8. I dip into my books randomly in order to read my favourite love and/or sex scenes over and over again.
9. It is only very rarely that I get turned on in any way by visual porn/erotica; most of the time I just have no reaction. I can appreciate the aesthetics (or not) but other than that, nothing. I think with porn the reality of an image cannot posibly compete with what the written word can conjure up in your own mind - speculation is always more arousing than facts. I don't know if this is just me, or if it's a female thing, or what.
10. It took me about a year to realise my vulva contained a clitoris and masturbation wasn't just about playing with the labia.
11. I can only use my right hand to masturbate.
12. I learned to come silently when masturbating as a teenager because my bed was right up against the wall of my sister's room.
13. I masturbate and come with fingers only as I have never owned any mechanical aids.
14. My BDSM fantasies have escalated in both extremes and complexity since I started on them as a teenager, from handcuffs to chastity belts. I wonder if there is any significance to the fact that many of the games I played with my Barbie dolls as a kid involved tying them up in various creative ways with my hair ribbons.
15. When I first started masturbating it could take me up to 45 minutes to come. Now my fastest is about 10 minutes. I find it fascinating that masturbating without fantasizing takes about twice as long.
16. I have researched stripping, prostitution and sensual massage as possible part-time work (though never taken any up) and have come to the conclusion that there is more work and less money involved than most people think.
17. I worry that my nipples are much bigger than other women's and are pulling my breasts out of shape; seriously, they're like the diameter of squash balls.
18. Karez was something the bohemian set did in the early 20th century: it was like an orgy, except that everyone wore underwear - so no sex - and just kissed and stroked and fondled each other in a fug of marijuana smoke for hours. It was very sensual, and I would like to try it.
19. I want to be a nude model for art classes but I can't find any that need one!
20. The last time someone asked me out was at a very stressful point in my life. I didn't find him particularly attractive, so I said no but I felt a bit guilty about it because he'd obviously had to work up to it, and that must have been the straw that broke the camel's back because for several months afterwards I had panic attacks every time I went near him and had to avoid him until they stopped.
21. Without exception, all the males in my life who I would like to date are already taken.
22. I would really like to own a neuraliser (like from 'Men in Black') so I could go and chat people up, and then if it didn't work out I could make them forget the whole conversation.
23. It is difficult to find worthwhile free porn on the internet, but even more difficult to find well-written porn.
24. I wish someone would teach me how to flirt and who are the good prospects.
25. I have never found any slang terms for genetalia that really satisfy me. 'Vagina' and 'Penis' are too anatomical, 'sex' and 'member' too vague, 'pussy' and 'dick' too crude, 'phallus' too formal. 'Cunt' might be OK if people didn't use it as a swear-word so much, but it's a little blunt.