Wednesday, March 18, 2009

1. I had my first kiss when I was 19, while dancing with a guy for the first time in a smoky club. I was drunk at the time.

2. I lost my virginity at 21, to my first boyfriend. He didn't realize he was my first, and I didn't volunteer the information. We broke up 6 months ago, after almost three years together, and he's still the only guy I've slept with.

3. Despite my slow beginning, I consider myself quite a sexual person. I wish I was more open to casual sex, so that I could have more actual experiences. I'm not though, and my imagination is doing just fine for now.

4. I own four vibrators. I got my first one as a gag gift for my 21st birthday - it was the best gift I got that year. The motor died in January, but I haven't thrown it out because it makes an excellent dildo.

5. I brought myself the other three for valentines day this year, one's a rabbit, one's perfect for anal, and the other is made for double penetration. That last one makes me blush, and my toes wiggle with anticipation when I think about it.

6. I have a red velvet covered box under my bed with three different types of lube, condoms, nipple clamps, two bullet vibrators, my four vibrators, cock rings, handcuffs, and a length of soft red rope.

7. My biggest regret with my last relationship is that the guy wasn't interested in playing with anything from that box with me. He was a big fan of vanilla sex. I did tie him up and blindfold him once (sort of hoping he'd reciprocate), but I didn't enjoy it because he only agreed reluctantly.

8. I write erotic fiction, and I have done for the past four years. I'm not modest about it at all. Some of my closest friends know, and I've made sure they all know that I'm fantastic at it - even if I won't actually let them read any of my work.

9. If I found the right guy - one who I felt comfortable giving control to - then I would love to have anal sex. I love how different my orgasm is when I have something in my arse.

10. I would also like to try some light bondage, and pain play. Admittedly, I'm pretty sure I only like the thought of this because it would take all the decisions out of my hands, and leave me at the centre of attention.

11. My biggest turn on right now is the thought of a relationship and sex with two men. In my head this equates to having two guys to pamper me (so lots of attention), double penetration, and watching two guys touch each other sexually: Yes please!

12. I watch a lot of porn on the internet - mostly male on male. I don't enjoy straight porn, unless it's close up shots of women being brought to orgasm by men. Straight porn is too fake for my tastes usually, and I like the reality of an orgasm - it's not always pretty, but it's hot.

13. I come from a small rural town. When I was young I was scared I was lesbian, just because I was only ever interested in making friends with other girls, and guys didn't turn me on - especially not the guys who asked me out. That fear was laid to rest when I started meeting men in the city.

14. Attraction for me has as much to do with a guy's personality, as it does with his face and body. Men never believe me when I try telling them that. Sometimes I get the feeling they think it's all about muscle mass or something.

15. Growing up I never felt really comfortable with my body. I always viewed it as too fat, too short, too clumsy, and very inelegant. When I took up Kickboxing, Boxing, and Taekwon Do, I gradually started to become more comfortable within myself, until I finally began to recognize my body as an asset. I'm strong, and powerful, and can be extremely graceful in the right situation.

15. I feel no desire to have or raise babies, and the thought of being pregnant makes me (literally) sick to my stomach. I'm only now becoming comfortable with my body, and to have it change that drastically, while a separate entity grows inside me fills me with panic.

16. Because I REALLY didn't want to get pregnant I went on the pill while in my last relationship. I hated the way it dampened my sex drive, changed my moods, and increased my appetite. I also used condoms almost every single time I had sex, even though they killed the mood, and we'd have to use a lot of lube to stop them from being uncomfortable for me.

17. My ex and I only ever went without a condom once, and it was almost the best sex we ever had - even though neither of us felt comfortable enough at the time for him to come inside me. I almost wish he had come inside me. I am insanely curious as to how that would feel. The next time I'm in a relationship, and on the pill I'm going to have to try it.

18. When I was 19 I was sexually assaulted by my mother's partner. I was so drunk at the time I was barely breathing. I'm scared I enjoyed it.

19. I can't read (and have absolutely no desire to write, or think about) non consensual sex, or sexual situations. I judge people who find rape/ non consensual scenario's hot. I am fully aware that this is because I'm scared I might have enjoyed the assault. It makes me feel guilty, because I don't like knowing that I'm judging someone else's sexuality - I'd hate to have someone think my fantasies were disgusting and perverted.

20. The assault had a more lasting effect on my drinking behavior, than my sexual behavior. I seldom get drunk when I'm not in my own home, or surrounded by women I trust. I tend to like to stay sober anyway, just to make sure no one else is in trouble - I kind of think that if someone had done the same for me that night would have been different. When people ask why I don't drink anymore I tell them that I just can't hack the hangover anymore.

21. I'd like to meet a guy who wouldn't mind me dominating him, and trying anal play on him (although not with a strap on, because they look hilariously stupid). It might be all the gay porn.

22. My flatmate's boyfriend once borrowed my computer and found gay porn on it. I nearly died of shame. Girls aren't supposed to like porn.

23. I really wish my walls were thicker - I could do without knowing what the people I live with sound like when having sex.

24. I'd like to know if they've heard me having sex though, and whether they thought it was hot.

25. I'm taking a Philosophy and Politics paper about Sex and Sexuality at University this semester, just because the way women were treated by men throughout history makes me blindingly angry. When I signed up I was hoping to find a guy who would try to defend the male view during group discussion, so that I could yell at him and call him a pig. Unfortunately the men taking the course are not co-operating. They're more feminist than I am.