Tuesday, March 3, 2009

1. I didn't have my first kiss until just after I graduated from high school. It was with a guy I thought was kind of creepy and it made me nervous, but I was curious so I let him do it. It really hurt his feelings.
2. All of my first sexual fantasies involved men in some kind of period dress who had kidnapped me and slowly taught me things.
3. Even though I didn't understand the mechanics of sex at an early age, I always knew exactly what it felt like and I made one corner of my room the place where I played an imaginary game that involved me being a woman who men come to and pay for pleasure. I had no idea what prostitutes were at the time. I also gave these pretend men advice.
4. I lost my virginity to my first college boyfriend and he gave me HPV. I didn't understand much about it and I kept it a secret for almost 2 years and resigned myself to never having sex again. Now I have a newfound respect and love for my body.
5. I didn't masturbate until I was a freshman in high school and I felt extremely guilty. I kept doing it though, and every time I still felt guilty. Now every once in awhile I will feel a bit guilty or strange after and then that makes me mad.
6. When Pirates of the Caribbean came out I became a big fan of slash and gay erotica. I really like thinking about the men together, especially if they come from a different time.
7. Around the same time I used to spend a lot of time playing pirate slashy RPG online with one of my best girlfriends. We didn't ever acknowledge that this might be weird.
8. I had a big crush on my closest girl friend in middle school, and then again on my closest friend in high school. I don't generally get crushes on girls anymore, or feel that curious to try sex with them, but I do find girls attractive.
9. I spend more time checking out girls than guys even though I don't want to be sexual with them.
10. I am starting to find guys my own age unattractive, and only older men seem to really catch my eye. Like, late thirties through fifties. I'm 23 now.
11. When I was in 2nd grade I used to watch the scrambled porn on channels 69 and 99.
12. Kissing is something that can quite often be more enjoyable for me than having sex.
13. I really like giving and receiving oral, but I have a strange fear about swallowing. I had a dream once that somebody came in my mouth and I woke up gagging. That feeling stayed, so I always make a big point about having them tell me when they are close.
14. I have only come one time from having intercourse and it was because I was in control that whole time. I prefer to be submissive, though and usually just fake orgasms. I hate that I feel like I have to fake them, but I do feel like I should.
15. I don't mind when I don't climax unless I don't climax from getting oral. I want to come every time somebody goes down there.
16. I have a secret desire to be a nudist.
11. I have a desire to play strip poker. I need to learn how to play poker first.
12. I have a desire to go skinny dipping somewhere in nature with other people. But not to have sex, just because I want people to feel good about being completely in their own skin as animals on the earth. (and me too)
13. I surprise myself sometimes with how conservative I am in my sexual desires. I'm not scared or judgmental about other things, but they just don't appeal to me.
14. I don't want to try anal ever. It seems too painful.
15. If I feel any kind of pain during sex I immediately shut down. I am masochistic in non sexual ways though, which is bizarre.
16. I really like being tossed and moved around the bed in a non-violent way.
17. I would like to try being blindfolded sometime.
18. I get the most turned on ever when I go to the beach. Something about feeling the sand, salt, air, and sun makes me feel really alive and I just want to have lots of sex when I come back from swimming.
19. When I am sexually active I feel like I am the most attractive and sexy woman alive. I have A LOT of confidence and feel like I am ensnaring my partner with a spell or something. When I am not sexually active I feel really self conscious about being too skinny.
20. The thought of casual sex makes me cringe. I don't really think its a great idea. Plus I have to really actually like the person I'm with on a deeper level. I can't seperate sex and affection.
21. When I first started masturbating I thought my dead relatives would know and be disappointed in me.
22. I really want to have sex outside, but haven't yet.
23. Sometimes I masturbate everyday and sometimes I will go a month without anything.
24. I stop masturbating nearly completely when I have a partner.
25. I sometimes worry that I don't have a strong enough drive. I am completely done after one orgasm. I don't ever want to have more than one at a time.