Tuesday, March 3, 2009

1. When I was twelve I was molested by one of my only friends, because I insisted that he was gay and he wanted to prove he wasn't. Four years later I talked to him for the first time since, when I ran into him at a school audition. As it turns out, he is.

2. I lost my virginity on Easter Sunday to the ugliest boy I've ever dated. We were upstairs in his wonderful house. I loved him like crazy, and it didn't hurt at all, and we never did it again.

3. After we finished screwin' for the first time, the condom fell off inside me. I wasn't on birth control. Luckily, I got my period.

4. For some reason, I can't give head to uncircumcised men. I've tried, by god, but it just doesn't work.

5. Circumcised men, though, I am apparently pretty damn good at fellating.

6. My last relationship lasted over a year, and the whole time, the sex was incredibly unfulfilling. Unfulfilling sex is chore-like and makes both parties feel terrible about themselves. Before that, sexual compatibility wasn't as important to me as emotional compatibility. Now they're equal.

7. The first man I ever gave head to had cum that tasted like minestrone soup. Eww!

8. Men who are epically smarter than me in ways that I value turn me on more than anything else in the entire world. They make me weak at the knees, they make me swoon. Mmm.

9. I am a submissive in bed when I am with men, but when it comes to women (a seldom occurrence) I feel that they would have to be extremely dominant and respect-worthy for me to submit to them. Otherwise, I would be the dominant one. It's the only reason I want to buy a strap-on.

10. If the man I'm dating has had previous gay experiences, I am almost always automatically turned off. In most cases I feel like it seeps away manliness. Perhaps it's just because every bisexual man I've dated has been a right pansy.

11. I always feel uninteresting because I have essentially no fetishes. Everyone I know is into more interesting things, but I just like a good fucking with an assertive guy.

12. If I'm honest, the only reason I've ever wanted to be tied up is because it would take away responsibility and obligation from me and make me the focus of the situation.

13. Every time I read pages about sex, they mention a study that says that something like eighty percent of women can't get an orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. I can't decide if that's bullshit, or I'm just one of the lucky, lucky few.

14. On that note, I'm not sure if I've ever had a proper orgasm. I'm always told that they're mindblowing, but what I assume is cumming for me isn't mind blowing, although it is good. I keep wondering if I've just had so many orgasms that they've lost their kick.

15. I've been masturbating since I was about five years old. I didn't associate it with sex because I didn't know what sex was. It just felt very nice.

16. I don't masturbate by putting my fingers inside of myself or just rubbing my clit. Well, no, I kind of do. I lie on my stomach and ride the sharp edge of my hand. Do other people do it that way?

17. When I was staying with a friend in Boston and sharing a couch to sleep on with him, I woke up and found him humping my leg. We had been fooling around a bit, but that's called "frotteurism," and is disgustingly creepy. I went and stayed in a hotel by myself after that.

18. The most sex I've ever had in a short timespan was nine times over the course of about four hours. It was with my third sex partner, and my repeat boyfriend, whom I still love and adore to this day. He moved away the next summer and I've barely talked to him since.

19. I've been solicited for sex multiple times by different men. One offered me eighty dollars to let him clean my apartment in a pair of my undies. It sounded reasonable until he mentioned that he wanted to look at me and masturbate on my floor.

20. Another offered me one hundred dollars if I would let him lick my sweaty feet, and maybe tickle me some. This also sounded reasonable until I realized he may well have been a serial killer.

21. I think I look much hotter when I wear boots or heels and a corset and stockings and a garter belt, and would like to have sex while wear those objects, but for some reason none of the guys I dated are into this. Bugger!

22. I am both ashamed and proud of the amount of people I've slept with. When I first lost my virginity, I swore I would only have sex with up to five men in my life. At this point, I've had sex with about three times that.

23. I recently remembered convincing my good (and supposedly bisexual) lady-friend to give me head on a beach at night while my ex-boyfriend watched. I think I was sixteen. What an odd thing to forget.

24. I have had one proper threesome in my life, with my ex and my best friend at the time. She laid down, I gave her head while getting screwed from behind. The next day she told everyone that I'd eaten her out as if I had somehow lost a game and she had won. Personally, I always felt that I just did the polite thing.

25. I cheated on one of my recent ex's multiple times with an old fling. I couldn't help it: the other-man was a bit funny looking and had the smallest penis of any man I've ever been with, but my attraction to him is palpable even when I'm thousands of miles away from him. Once, when we were trying to avoid doing anything that could be construed as cheating, he nearly made me cum by touching my lips and my face for half an hour.