Tuesday, June 16, 2009
1. I'm a 34 year old black male and I've only had sexual experiences with two people.
2. The first sexual experience was a blowjob by a stripper at an after-hours club. My best friend at the time paid for it. I found out later from my best friend that I was supposed to apparently have sex with her, but I didn't even cum from the blowjob (I wasn't even able to maintain an erection), and I knew that I wouldn't have enjoyed having sex with her.
3. The second sexual experience was with a guy less than a year ago. I met him online, and after 2 months of chatting with him, we met up and spent a week together.
4. I still feel sorta guilty about that first and only (so far) sexual experience with that guy because he's physically handicapped.
5. I have had feelings that I was gay since I was 16, but I hid them behind my main interest because I thought being gay was the worst thing I could ever be.
6. I truly appreciate women, but I just don't find them sexually attractive enough to have sex with.
7. I value love with another person way more than I do sex with another person.
8. I fall in love too easily. I've been trying to change that about myself.
9. I'm heavily closeted to the rest of the world about my sexuality, although I'm out to my immediate family (well the 2 main members), and 2 of my friends that I knew before I officially accepted the fact that I'm gay.
10. The reason I'm closeted is because I don't want the stress of having to defend or protect myself from others who feel that gay is worth committing an act of violence against them. I also don't want my sexuality to define my personality.
11. The first time I really masturbated and came from it, I was 21. Up until then, I was scared by the stuff that people talked about in school, about how only losers masturbated, so I just didn't do it.
12. Ever since then, I have masturbated at least once a day, sometimes more.
13. The longest I've ever went without masturbating since starting was one week.
14. I want desperately to fall in love with the right man, and be all they intimately need.
15. I also feel like being the only man that another man intimately needs will mean that they will view me the same way.
16. I find belching to be sexually arousing.
17. Despite my size, I am attracted to thinner men. Not the ones who are necessarily in excellent shape, but just thinner than me.
18. Although I'm gay, I really don't like effeminate gay men. I can be friends with anyone, but having one for a mate would be difficult for me to deal with. My reasoning for this goes back to #10.
19. I consider myself to be a part of the chub/chaser community of gay men.
20. I never felt sexually attractive until I learned that there were others who were attracted to a body like mine. Part of the reason I denied being gay for so long was that I thought that no one would ever find me sexually attractive.
21. I have made videos of myself masturbating and posted them online in secret. I'm not really sure why I did it, but I didn't do it just to be seen since I think I'm very average as far as penis length goes.
22. Sometimes I wish my penis were an inch thicker, but I'm too afraid of having any type of surgery done for the fear that what I already have won't work properly after said surgery.
23. I don't necessarily care for anal sex, but I would do it for my partner to keep them happy.
24. More than anything, I love passion and intimacy with another man.
25. I think this whole experience of noting 25 things about my sexuality has been very liberating while allowing me to keep my anonymity.
2. The first sexual experience was a blowjob by a stripper at an after-hours club. My best friend at the time paid for it. I found out later from my best friend that I was supposed to apparently have sex with her, but I didn't even cum from the blowjob (I wasn't even able to maintain an erection), and I knew that I wouldn't have enjoyed having sex with her.
3. The second sexual experience was with a guy less than a year ago. I met him online, and after 2 months of chatting with him, we met up and spent a week together.
4. I still feel sorta guilty about that first and only (so far) sexual experience with that guy because he's physically handicapped.
5. I have had feelings that I was gay since I was 16, but I hid them behind my main interest because I thought being gay was the worst thing I could ever be.
6. I truly appreciate women, but I just don't find them sexually attractive enough to have sex with.
7. I value love with another person way more than I do sex with another person.
8. I fall in love too easily. I've been trying to change that about myself.
9. I'm heavily closeted to the rest of the world about my sexuality, although I'm out to my immediate family (well the 2 main members), and 2 of my friends that I knew before I officially accepted the fact that I'm gay.
10. The reason I'm closeted is because I don't want the stress of having to defend or protect myself from others who feel that gay is worth committing an act of violence against them. I also don't want my sexuality to define my personality.
11. The first time I really masturbated and came from it, I was 21. Up until then, I was scared by the stuff that people talked about in school, about how only losers masturbated, so I just didn't do it.
12. Ever since then, I have masturbated at least once a day, sometimes more.
13. The longest I've ever went without masturbating since starting was one week.
14. I want desperately to fall in love with the right man, and be all they intimately need.
15. I also feel like being the only man that another man intimately needs will mean that they will view me the same way.
16. I find belching to be sexually arousing.
17. Despite my size, I am attracted to thinner men. Not the ones who are necessarily in excellent shape, but just thinner than me.
18. Although I'm gay, I really don't like effeminate gay men. I can be friends with anyone, but having one for a mate would be difficult for me to deal with. My reasoning for this goes back to #10.
19. I consider myself to be a part of the chub/chaser community of gay men.
20. I never felt sexually attractive until I learned that there were others who were attracted to a body like mine. Part of the reason I denied being gay for so long was that I thought that no one would ever find me sexually attractive.
21. I have made videos of myself masturbating and posted them online in secret. I'm not really sure why I did it, but I didn't do it just to be seen since I think I'm very average as far as penis length goes.
22. Sometimes I wish my penis were an inch thicker, but I'm too afraid of having any type of surgery done for the fear that what I already have won't work properly after said surgery.
23. I don't necessarily care for anal sex, but I would do it for my partner to keep them happy.
24. More than anything, I love passion and intimacy with another man.
25. I think this whole experience of noting 25 things about my sexuality has been very liberating while allowing me to keep my anonymity.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
1) One of my earliest memories as a child is being at the video shop with my family and going into the tittie movie section and looking at all the beautiful naked women and feeling tingley at what I saw. I didn't know what it was, but I knew I liked what I saw and what I felt. If anyone came over and asked me what I was doing I'd act dumb and pretend I didn't know what I was looking at.
2) My first proper kiss, tongues and all, was with my best friend. She initiated it but I really liked it and reciprocated. From that point on (I think I was about 10) whenever she came over I'd try to find a way in the course of us playing to make it happen again. It did, sometimes.
3) I work for a company that produces erotica and find myself constantly massively aroused at my desk. Sometimes by 6pm my knickers are completely soaked through. I have snuck into the building we own next door to masturbate a few times, usually I can keep it under control until I get home.
4) Before working at this company I was a contributor to their sites. Yes, I'm naked on the internet and proud of it. I've done photographic stills, masturbation videos and I once filmed myself and my partner having sex which will go live eventually... I'm in magazines too. I have quite an in-depth philosophy about why I do this kind of work - it's not for the money, that's for sure. It's not something I'd want to ever do full time either. I enjoy it first and foremost, it's usually quite an amazing, interesting and often creative experience. With some of the more mainstream work I've done, I definitely feel as though I'm 'representin' for all the non blond, skinny and non fantastically-plastic looking women out there. I'm a size 14, short and brunette. But goddamn I have sex appeal, I know it and will use it for the greater good... or something.
5) The first time I ever had sex it wasn't really consensual... I was pretty drunk and young and stupid and at a party. It was a guy who I was interested in and I'd also been friends with for a few years. For the longest time I thought it was the way everyone first had sex. I was 15 and I'm now 24, it's only been over the past few years I can talk about it without experiencing intense and uncontrollable emotions. I've actually been able to talk to a handful of people I'm close to about it, even my mum knows now. I feel somewhat driven to get past this event in my life and to talk to people about it.
6) Masturbating cuts into my social time. It's easing a bit as I get older, but I am a chronic masturbator. Sometimes I'll come home early from a night out to make myself have an orgasm. Even when I'm having sex, great sex, regularly, I still wank all the time. Which leads me to my next point.
7) My sex drive outstrips every single guy/girl I have ever been with. I have emasculated every guy I have ever had regular sex with. I think about sex, breasts, pussies, cocks, fucking, kissing allllllll the time, I make up little fantasies in my head or recall the last time I orgasmed, had awesome sex and so on. I literally think about sex for probably half my day, everyday. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I imagine what it would be like to fuck them, or I at least visualize them naked.
8) I spend a ridiculous amount of money on sex toys/aids, porno and various bits and pieces. For example I have 3 different kinds of lubricant. I could (and do) browse sex shops for hours on end, I like going into these shops but also like online ones. I have a whole drawer of this kind of thing and a magazine rack full of porno mags next to my toilet. My male housemates find this endlessly amusing.
9) My breasts are enormous. I am an F cup. And I love them. In fact I freely admit that I'm having a rather long, public and drawn out love affair with my rack. I really used to hate them too, like curl my shoulders forward and wear baggy clothes to hide them kind of thing. Now I'm like 'weeeeeeeeeeeee boobies' *bounce bounce* and I have also over the past year discovered the awesome power of what they will make other people do. Its hilarious. And kind of wrong. But still really funny... I love having my breasts and nipples touched and sucked and licked. When drunk I often flash people the aforementioned big boobs. This is also hilarious. Boobies make me smile a whole lot.
10) For some stupid reason I've faked a lot of orgasms during sex with men... I think it's because I want a lot of sex and I feel that the guys providing it want some sort of return on their effort. I've only ever had vaginal orgasms with my ex-bf. He had a long and thick cock that bent at the end and seemed to hit the spot, but only if I was on top. It would seem my g-spot is quite far inside my vagina. I despair of ever achieving that kind of orgasm ever again.
11) I have vagina envy. I have this tiny tiny little-girl vagina. My inner labia are virtually non-existant. My clitoral hood is so small that when I went to have it pierced my piercer wasn't sure it would be possible. I had it done vertically and it worked out okay thankfully. My outer lips keep the whole lot of what I have completely enclosed. I wish I had 'more' of anything, labia, hood, clit... I'd love to have big beautiful frilly inner labia especially. I still do enjoy what I have and I know my pussy is very pretty, my piercing definitely also adds to its attractiveness.
12) The last guy I slept with went crazy. Like actually lost the plot, had to get admitted to hospital and assessed. He is currently heavily medicated... He is/was my friend before we started shagging, but is still so fragile I don't want to push him at all. What we had is definitely over but I still want to make sure he's okay and be a good friend to him. It's been very very hard, especially the bit where I know what I feel about it all is chicken feed to what he's actually experiencing... I still see him, because we're in the same circle of friends and as much as I pretend it isn't, mostly for his sake, it's weird. I don't get weird or awkward ever. But this is weirder and awkwarder than anything I have ever experienced.
13) I have, what my housemates and friends have termed 'The Thirst' - basically I am cock thirsty and have to 'Obey my Thirst'... It's not only hilariously funny, it's also true. I kind of came up with it, choosing the trait about yourself that you get a laugh out of and turning it into the thing your friends give you shit about is a total winner. I also have a logo, it's a rooster drinking out of a can. Laf.
14) It's taken me almost a fortnight to write everything up to this point. It's made me think about my sexuality, sexual identity, current lack of sex and a whole bunch of other things in quite an in depth and constant way. I hereby vow to never fake another orgasm, it really bothers me that I've done this in the past.
15) I absolutely adore oral sex. Giving and receiving. Licking and sucking a cock (or a clit for that matter) makes me hot. I can literally feel myself getting wet when I'm giving oral sex. If my sexual partner is standing while I'm giving them oral I have a habit of reaching behind them and massaging their arse cheeks. I also love being eaten out. Unfortunately I've had many sexual partners that aren't so good at it or pretty lazy in the giving back department. I think the next person I'm with, I'm going to tell them straight up they need to give me loads of oral sex or it just isn't going to happen. Or perhaps I will wear a t-shirt that says "eat my pussy"
16) I hit puberty very very young. I had B cup breasts, pubic hair and was menstruating at the age of 11. I went to a tiny primary school and was in the 5th grade, already a year younger than everyone and still was the first in my year. I hated it. I shaved off my pubic hair with my dad's razor when I was 12, my mum found it and did not handle it well at all. I have vivid memories of taping down my breasts in my bra, I hated them too. Never understood why boys liked them so much. I was such a tomboy, quite young and so uneducated that puberty was such an ordeal. My child/children (I haven't had any children yet) will not go through that, I will give them all the talks, answer all the questions, give them books and website links so they can have the knowledge and thus power to understand and cope with their bodies and the changes they will undergo.
17) I have lost count of the amount of people I have had sex with. I think counting once you get past 30 people is kind of silly anyway. I'm 24. I do not think I'm a slut or promiscious. It makes me laugh when people say that. I am, however, an intelligent, highly sexual, assertive and not afraid to pounce. I know what I want, I'm not shy about getting it by any means. But I'm not a 'notches in my bedpost' king of gal. I'm just honest.
18) I've just begun to realize how much sleeping with my friends doesn't work. For the longest time it's been my preferred mode of getting sex. Seeings as I'm attracted to pretty much everyone I am friends with it seemed the logical step. Also everyone I've ever had a relationship with has started off as friendship.
19) So for the past fortnight I have been playing the adult dating site game. It's working out really well. The interest generated has truly thrown me though. In a way, a massive sexual ego-trip was exactly what I needed after my previous sexual partner went crazy. The sex I have gotten out of this site so far has been fucking awesome too. I don't know any of the people I have met, so my inhibitions have been reduced to zero. I'm asking to be spanked straight up, masturbating to orgasm in front of them, telling them I'm teaching myself to ejaculate and just letting go completely. It's amazing and I feel so free, I can be the honest pervert I aim to be in everyday life from the start. It's fun and the fact that I can't keep up with the messages I'm receiving makes me feel good, I remember this feeling of sexual confidence from long ago - I didn't realize I had lost it, but it's back and I'm loving it. There is also a number of couples with whom I have been speaking, there are two in particular that I think I'm going to sleep with. I haven't had a threesome for years now and I'm so excited to be getting back into some intense and challenging sexual scenarios.
20) I am about to start a blog regaling my adventures on the adult web dating scene. Everyone I talk to about it tells me, "you should be documenting this stuff"
21) For me, orgasms and sex are intrinsically tied up in my happiness. I'm a fairly happy and positive kind of person on an everyday basis, but if I'm getting laid fairly often and it's good it boosts me up to the next level. I am particularly devoted to getting orgasms because I know how much happier I am when I'm having them often. That's why I masturbate a lot, I love myself lots and lots and I deserve to feel good everyday. It's taken me all of my life to get to this point though, hopefully I continue to move onwards and upwards in this way. Personal growth, development and self love is the bomb.
22) I don't like to apply labels to anything really, but if I was going to categorise my sexual identity I'd say I'm bisexual. Although I have sex with men far more often than with women, mostly because the opportunity arises far more often with men. I love women so much, they're such beautiful and aesthetic creatures. I wish I was able to get it on with women a bit more frequently.
23) Over the past year I have discovered when I menstruate my orgasms are ferociously intense and last for way longer than usual. It is also a highly pleasurable way to combat my crippling period pain and the PMS symptoms I experience. I am now in turn very open to the idea of having lots of sex while I have my period, when the idea of this used to really freak me out.
24) I think my personality is very sexy. I am a brash, bold, mouthy, funny, smart, opinionated and at times highly crass young women who does everything in her power to not only abandon the expectations society has placed upon her, but show others the way forward into personal empowerment by choosing my own path in life. I feel that I demonstrate with every inch of my being the freedom and happiness that comes from defining your own ideas about the person you want to be and the awesome joy that comes from achieving it. I know my heart and my mind is fucking hot, I totally work it and love every moment of it - one of the best bits about it is knowing everyone else in my life loves it too.
25) The 25 things about my sexuality blog has become an important marker for me in reflecting upon my sexuality and in a more general way my sense of self. I think looking back and assessing your progress as a human being is an important part of learning and growing. I never want to stop having sexual adventures and realisations. But most of all I never want to stop talking and sharing on the topic of sex/sexuality/orgasms etc. etc. This is such a huge part of the person I am, I want to keep gathering knowledge, developing and moving forward, challenging myself and others in this area. Kudos guys, you fucking rock.
2) My first proper kiss, tongues and all, was with my best friend. She initiated it but I really liked it and reciprocated. From that point on (I think I was about 10) whenever she came over I'd try to find a way in the course of us playing to make it happen again. It did, sometimes.
3) I work for a company that produces erotica and find myself constantly massively aroused at my desk. Sometimes by 6pm my knickers are completely soaked through. I have snuck into the building we own next door to masturbate a few times, usually I can keep it under control until I get home.
4) Before working at this company I was a contributor to their sites. Yes, I'm naked on the internet and proud of it. I've done photographic stills, masturbation videos and I once filmed myself and my partner having sex which will go live eventually... I'm in magazines too. I have quite an in-depth philosophy about why I do this kind of work - it's not for the money, that's for sure. It's not something I'd want to ever do full time either. I enjoy it first and foremost, it's usually quite an amazing, interesting and often creative experience. With some of the more mainstream work I've done, I definitely feel as though I'm 'representin' for all the non blond, skinny and non fantastically-plastic looking women out there. I'm a size 14, short and brunette. But goddamn I have sex appeal, I know it and will use it for the greater good... or something.
5) The first time I ever had sex it wasn't really consensual... I was pretty drunk and young and stupid and at a party. It was a guy who I was interested in and I'd also been friends with for a few years. For the longest time I thought it was the way everyone first had sex. I was 15 and I'm now 24, it's only been over the past few years I can talk about it without experiencing intense and uncontrollable emotions. I've actually been able to talk to a handful of people I'm close to about it, even my mum knows now. I feel somewhat driven to get past this event in my life and to talk to people about it.
6) Masturbating cuts into my social time. It's easing a bit as I get older, but I am a chronic masturbator. Sometimes I'll come home early from a night out to make myself have an orgasm. Even when I'm having sex, great sex, regularly, I still wank all the time. Which leads me to my next point.
7) My sex drive outstrips every single guy/girl I have ever been with. I have emasculated every guy I have ever had regular sex with. I think about sex, breasts, pussies, cocks, fucking, kissing allllllll the time, I make up little fantasies in my head or recall the last time I orgasmed, had awesome sex and so on. I literally think about sex for probably half my day, everyday. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I imagine what it would be like to fuck them, or I at least visualize them naked.
8) I spend a ridiculous amount of money on sex toys/aids, porno and various bits and pieces. For example I have 3 different kinds of lubricant. I could (and do) browse sex shops for hours on end, I like going into these shops but also like online ones. I have a whole drawer of this kind of thing and a magazine rack full of porno mags next to my toilet. My male housemates find this endlessly amusing.
9) My breasts are enormous. I am an F cup. And I love them. In fact I freely admit that I'm having a rather long, public and drawn out love affair with my rack. I really used to hate them too, like curl my shoulders forward and wear baggy clothes to hide them kind of thing. Now I'm like 'weeeeeeeeeeeee boobies' *bounce bounce* and I have also over the past year discovered the awesome power of what they will make other people do. Its hilarious. And kind of wrong. But still really funny... I love having my breasts and nipples touched and sucked and licked. When drunk I often flash people the aforementioned big boobs. This is also hilarious. Boobies make me smile a whole lot.
10) For some stupid reason I've faked a lot of orgasms during sex with men... I think it's because I want a lot of sex and I feel that the guys providing it want some sort of return on their effort. I've only ever had vaginal orgasms with my ex-bf. He had a long and thick cock that bent at the end and seemed to hit the spot, but only if I was on top. It would seem my g-spot is quite far inside my vagina. I despair of ever achieving that kind of orgasm ever again.
11) I have vagina envy. I have this tiny tiny little-girl vagina. My inner labia are virtually non-existant. My clitoral hood is so small that when I went to have it pierced my piercer wasn't sure it would be possible. I had it done vertically and it worked out okay thankfully. My outer lips keep the whole lot of what I have completely enclosed. I wish I had 'more' of anything, labia, hood, clit... I'd love to have big beautiful frilly inner labia especially. I still do enjoy what I have and I know my pussy is very pretty, my piercing definitely also adds to its attractiveness.
12) The last guy I slept with went crazy. Like actually lost the plot, had to get admitted to hospital and assessed. He is currently heavily medicated... He is/was my friend before we started shagging, but is still so fragile I don't want to push him at all. What we had is definitely over but I still want to make sure he's okay and be a good friend to him. It's been very very hard, especially the bit where I know what I feel about it all is chicken feed to what he's actually experiencing... I still see him, because we're in the same circle of friends and as much as I pretend it isn't, mostly for his sake, it's weird. I don't get weird or awkward ever. But this is weirder and awkwarder than anything I have ever experienced.
13) I have, what my housemates and friends have termed 'The Thirst' - basically I am cock thirsty and have to 'Obey my Thirst'... It's not only hilariously funny, it's also true. I kind of came up with it, choosing the trait about yourself that you get a laugh out of and turning it into the thing your friends give you shit about is a total winner. I also have a logo, it's a rooster drinking out of a can. Laf.
14) It's taken me almost a fortnight to write everything up to this point. It's made me think about my sexuality, sexual identity, current lack of sex and a whole bunch of other things in quite an in depth and constant way. I hereby vow to never fake another orgasm, it really bothers me that I've done this in the past.
15) I absolutely adore oral sex. Giving and receiving. Licking and sucking a cock (or a clit for that matter) makes me hot. I can literally feel myself getting wet when I'm giving oral sex. If my sexual partner is standing while I'm giving them oral I have a habit of reaching behind them and massaging their arse cheeks. I also love being eaten out. Unfortunately I've had many sexual partners that aren't so good at it or pretty lazy in the giving back department. I think the next person I'm with, I'm going to tell them straight up they need to give me loads of oral sex or it just isn't going to happen. Or perhaps I will wear a t-shirt that says "eat my pussy"
16) I hit puberty very very young. I had B cup breasts, pubic hair and was menstruating at the age of 11. I went to a tiny primary school and was in the 5th grade, already a year younger than everyone and still was the first in my year. I hated it. I shaved off my pubic hair with my dad's razor when I was 12, my mum found it and did not handle it well at all. I have vivid memories of taping down my breasts in my bra, I hated them too. Never understood why boys liked them so much. I was such a tomboy, quite young and so uneducated that puberty was such an ordeal. My child/children (I haven't had any children yet) will not go through that, I will give them all the talks, answer all the questions, give them books and website links so they can have the knowledge and thus power to understand and cope with their bodies and the changes they will undergo.
17) I have lost count of the amount of people I have had sex with. I think counting once you get past 30 people is kind of silly anyway. I'm 24. I do not think I'm a slut or promiscious. It makes me laugh when people say that. I am, however, an intelligent, highly sexual, assertive and not afraid to pounce. I know what I want, I'm not shy about getting it by any means. But I'm not a 'notches in my bedpost' king of gal. I'm just honest.
18) I've just begun to realize how much sleeping with my friends doesn't work. For the longest time it's been my preferred mode of getting sex. Seeings as I'm attracted to pretty much everyone I am friends with it seemed the logical step. Also everyone I've ever had a relationship with has started off as friendship.
19) So for the past fortnight I have been playing the adult dating site game. It's working out really well. The interest generated has truly thrown me though. In a way, a massive sexual ego-trip was exactly what I needed after my previous sexual partner went crazy. The sex I have gotten out of this site so far has been fucking awesome too. I don't know any of the people I have met, so my inhibitions have been reduced to zero. I'm asking to be spanked straight up, masturbating to orgasm in front of them, telling them I'm teaching myself to ejaculate and just letting go completely. It's amazing and I feel so free, I can be the honest pervert I aim to be in everyday life from the start. It's fun and the fact that I can't keep up with the messages I'm receiving makes me feel good, I remember this feeling of sexual confidence from long ago - I didn't realize I had lost it, but it's back and I'm loving it. There is also a number of couples with whom I have been speaking, there are two in particular that I think I'm going to sleep with. I haven't had a threesome for years now and I'm so excited to be getting back into some intense and challenging sexual scenarios.
20) I am about to start a blog regaling my adventures on the adult web dating scene. Everyone I talk to about it tells me, "you should be documenting this stuff"
21) For me, orgasms and sex are intrinsically tied up in my happiness. I'm a fairly happy and positive kind of person on an everyday basis, but if I'm getting laid fairly often and it's good it boosts me up to the next level. I am particularly devoted to getting orgasms because I know how much happier I am when I'm having them often. That's why I masturbate a lot, I love myself lots and lots and I deserve to feel good everyday. It's taken me all of my life to get to this point though, hopefully I continue to move onwards and upwards in this way. Personal growth, development and self love is the bomb.
22) I don't like to apply labels to anything really, but if I was going to categorise my sexual identity I'd say I'm bisexual. Although I have sex with men far more often than with women, mostly because the opportunity arises far more often with men. I love women so much, they're such beautiful and aesthetic creatures. I wish I was able to get it on with women a bit more frequently.
23) Over the past year I have discovered when I menstruate my orgasms are ferociously intense and last for way longer than usual. It is also a highly pleasurable way to combat my crippling period pain and the PMS symptoms I experience. I am now in turn very open to the idea of having lots of sex while I have my period, when the idea of this used to really freak me out.
24) I think my personality is very sexy. I am a brash, bold, mouthy, funny, smart, opinionated and at times highly crass young women who does everything in her power to not only abandon the expectations society has placed upon her, but show others the way forward into personal empowerment by choosing my own path in life. I feel that I demonstrate with every inch of my being the freedom and happiness that comes from defining your own ideas about the person you want to be and the awesome joy that comes from achieving it. I know my heart and my mind is fucking hot, I totally work it and love every moment of it - one of the best bits about it is knowing everyone else in my life loves it too.
25) The 25 things about my sexuality blog has become an important marker for me in reflecting upon my sexuality and in a more general way my sense of self. I think looking back and assessing your progress as a human being is an important part of learning and growing. I never want to stop having sexual adventures and realisations. But most of all I never want to stop talking and sharing on the topic of sex/sexuality/orgasms etc. etc. This is such a huge part of the person I am, I want to keep gathering knowledge, developing and moving forward, challenging myself and others in this area. Kudos guys, you fucking rock.
1. I’m almost fifty. My body has changed greatly in its sexual responses over the past few years, and now I’m willing to do and have done to me things I would have never allowed before.
2. I think my sex drive used to be visceral and hormonally driven. Now it’s not, and I feel like I respond as much mentally as physically.
3. I finally acted on my fetish for shibari when I was in my early forties. I would tie myself up and masturbate.
4. I always wondered how people could enjoy such extreme behaviors that I saw in BDSM porn. When I started doing shibari, I realized it was a slippery slope. I started with a simple breast harness. A year later, I would bind every possible inch of my body by myself and have nipple clamps. One of my favorite experiences was all that and being spanked too.
5. One of my fantasies is to have my hands and my feet tied to my hips or thighs and have someone fuck me senseless that way. Having my breasts bound and being blindfolded would be icing on the cake.
6. I’m indecisive about whether I still like my body wrapped in shibari when I’m having sex, but I love to have my hands tied.
7. Unfortunately, my husband is a true sub, and anything that was less than dom behavior from me was a complete turnoff for him.
8. He has lost interest in actual intercourse, and prefers to give me massages instead. If it’s a really good one I’m asleep before it’s over
9. A few years ago my husband decided he wanted to be a cuckold, and encouraged me to get a lover. He even went so far as to vet candidates online.
10. I love rubbing my body against another. That is as good as any sort of foreplay for me, and if I do it long enough, I can be perfectly happy just getting off that way too.
11. I do love giving head, even kind of rough and pushed against a wall, grabbing my hair.
12. I used to swallow, years ago, but now that is one of the few things that is a turn-off for me.
13. I’m also not too big on anal, mostly because the sight or smell of shit is another big turn-off.
14. I’ve never had a successful threesome, and now I suspect I never will because I’d want it to be with people I’m emotionally interested in, and that would be pretty unlikely. Ideally it would be with a guy and a woman with a strap-on dildo.
15. I feel extremely fortunate to have experienced the supposed 4 kinds of orgasm. Vaginal, clitoral, g-spot and cervical.
16. I never identified the cervical one until I read a sex/yoga guy talk about how that is the ultimate orgasm for a woman, and that it can only be achieved when a penis is long enough to massage the cervix. The same thing is alluded to in the Kama Sutra, about there being appropriate sized cocks for the variety of depths of the vagina.
17. I still think about sex a lot, but it’s not as visceral as it was. I used to be able to imagine myself to orgasm, but not anymore.
18. That said, I find myself really anticipating the moment when a cock is completely inside me.
19. Being high during sex is a lot more fun than being drunk during it.
20. But being high tends to separate me from where- or whatever it is that causes that sort of ultimate white light. I end up in a different place.
21. There seems to be a moment before sex but after we start kissing that my physical body becomes secondary, or maybe even tertiary.
22. Conversely, there seems to be a moment after we’re done that I become aware of my physical body and surroundings again.
23. I’m working on separating sex and love and attachment. Studying yoga has helped me think about how to do this,
24. Doing pranayama breathing during sex has taken my sexual experience and orgasms to a complete other level, beyond the physical.
25. It is a turn on for me during sex to visualize these sort of cosmic ideas, for example, an image of our prana bodies intertwining.
2. I think my sex drive used to be visceral and hormonally driven. Now it’s not, and I feel like I respond as much mentally as physically.
3. I finally acted on my fetish for shibari when I was in my early forties. I would tie myself up and masturbate.
4. I always wondered how people could enjoy such extreme behaviors that I saw in BDSM porn. When I started doing shibari, I realized it was a slippery slope. I started with a simple breast harness. A year later, I would bind every possible inch of my body by myself and have nipple clamps. One of my favorite experiences was all that and being spanked too.
5. One of my fantasies is to have my hands and my feet tied to my hips or thighs and have someone fuck me senseless that way. Having my breasts bound and being blindfolded would be icing on the cake.
6. I’m indecisive about whether I still like my body wrapped in shibari when I’m having sex, but I love to have my hands tied.
7. Unfortunately, my husband is a true sub, and anything that was less than dom behavior from me was a complete turnoff for him.
8. He has lost interest in actual intercourse, and prefers to give me massages instead. If it’s a really good one I’m asleep before it’s over
9. A few years ago my husband decided he wanted to be a cuckold, and encouraged me to get a lover. He even went so far as to vet candidates online.
10. I love rubbing my body against another. That is as good as any sort of foreplay for me, and if I do it long enough, I can be perfectly happy just getting off that way too.
11. I do love giving head, even kind of rough and pushed against a wall, grabbing my hair.
12. I used to swallow, years ago, but now that is one of the few things that is a turn-off for me.
13. I’m also not too big on anal, mostly because the sight or smell of shit is another big turn-off.
14. I’ve never had a successful threesome, and now I suspect I never will because I’d want it to be with people I’m emotionally interested in, and that would be pretty unlikely. Ideally it would be with a guy and a woman with a strap-on dildo.
15. I feel extremely fortunate to have experienced the supposed 4 kinds of orgasm. Vaginal, clitoral, g-spot and cervical.
16. I never identified the cervical one until I read a sex/yoga guy talk about how that is the ultimate orgasm for a woman, and that it can only be achieved when a penis is long enough to massage the cervix. The same thing is alluded to in the Kama Sutra, about there being appropriate sized cocks for the variety of depths of the vagina.
17. I still think about sex a lot, but it’s not as visceral as it was. I used to be able to imagine myself to orgasm, but not anymore.
18. That said, I find myself really anticipating the moment when a cock is completely inside me.
19. Being high during sex is a lot more fun than being drunk during it.
20. But being high tends to separate me from where- or whatever it is that causes that sort of ultimate white light. I end up in a different place.
21. There seems to be a moment before sex but after we start kissing that my physical body becomes secondary, or maybe even tertiary.
22. Conversely, there seems to be a moment after we’re done that I become aware of my physical body and surroundings again.
23. I’m working on separating sex and love and attachment. Studying yoga has helped me think about how to do this,
24. Doing pranayama breathing during sex has taken my sexual experience and orgasms to a complete other level, beyond the physical.
25. It is a turn on for me during sex to visualize these sort of cosmic ideas, for example, an image of our prana bodies intertwining.
1. My Elementary School had a quick sex education course that we had to take before we "graduated." The girls were taught how to put a condom on a cucumber. I have no idea what the boys learned. I didn't register what we were being taught until I thought about it again in High School.
2. A childhood friend confessed to me that she wanted to kiss this boy, but she had never kissed someone before so she was afraid to. She asked if we could practice kissing each other in a game she made up called "Make Out Hotel." I started to cry and ran home. We stopped being friends shortly after. Our parents are good friends so I would see her often.
3. I ran into #2 two years ago and she confessed her love for me. She asked if I would have sex with her and her husband for $500. I turned her down.
4. I caught my sister doing sexual things with boyfriends before I knew what sex was. I'd ask her what she was doing and she would tell me flat out she was giving her boyfriend head. A while later, I saw my dog licking himself and exclaimed to my parents that our dog was giving himself head. My sister got in a lot of trouble.
5. I found out what sex actually was was through porn. I was spending the night at a friend's house and whoever was previously watching the TV left it on some adult channel. It was totally cheesy and cliche. A fireman in tight red pleather pants breaks down a door to a tiny blonde woman's apartment asking if there was a fire he could put out. She responded, "Only the one in my pants." We sat there wide-eyed and watched ten minutes of it before she quickly turned it off and got in her sleeping bag and turned off the lights. We never talked about it.
6. I had my first real kiss in the seventh grade. It was also my first date. It with this boy I had a crush on since elementary school at the local roller rink. We were in band class together, and I thought he was the cutest boy I'd ever seen. We were holding hands skating and during the slow skate, he kissed me. Two songs later my best friend showed up and he ran off to slow skate and kiss her.
7. I don't remember when I started to masturbate, but I was pretty young. I was confused about why I did it but only knew that it felt good. I wondered why I had never heard of something this great before. I thought I had invented it. The hand-held massager my sister bought for my mom for Christmas mysteriously went missing after I started masturbating on a regular basis.
8. I would fantasize about guys walking in on me naked and taking turns fucking me. I wrote about it in my journal. My mom often would go through my rooms and take things without telling me. After I wrote about these fantasies I never saw that journal again.
9. I was given my own computer in fourth grade. I also had an internet connection. And a webcam. I discovered AOL chat rooms. I started to talk to boys my age and they would flirt with me and ask me to be their girlfriends. I spent a lot of time in those chat rooms talking about kissing and boys.
10. Being a curious pre-teen with the internet at her disposal, I found tons of websites with erotica. I masturbated to a lot of the stories, mostly ones about people having sex out in the open.
11. Much later I started listening to erotic podcasts which I prefer over porn. Most porn isn't geared towards heterosexual females, at least the porn I've seen.
12. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen to my first real boyfriend in his truck. In our school parking lot. During lunch. It was pretty awkward but it was exciting. His penis was pretty large and it hurt, but I went along with it. We decided to go back to his place instead of going back to class to have a lot more sex.
13. I thought I was in love with #12, like how everyone else in high school does, but looking back on it I know I wasn't. He was just the only guy who would pay any sort of attention to me.
14. #12 was verbally and physically abusive. He called me ugly and said he was the only guy who would dare to fuck me because I was so gross. He kept me a secret from everybody (which became a trend with most of my boyfriends). I was only used for sex, which never stopped hurting. He made me bleed several times. We never officially broke up, he just moved to California and didn't tell me.
15. My poor excuse for a sex education class in high school taught me nothing. So I decided to learn myself. I watched every kind of porn there was. I looked up diagrams and read articles for hours. I watched a lot of gay male porn.
16. If it weren't for my curiosity about sex, I think I might have been one of the girls in my class who got knocked up before graduation because they didn't know the connection between sex and pregnancy.
17. I started dating a guy I met in a bookstore. I was a sophomore and he was a fourth year in College. We would hang out at his house and as soon as his parents left he pressured me to go down on him. I had never given a blow job so I was extremely uncomfortable. He practically forced me to do it and he came in my mouth without giving me any notice. I choked and spit it out on his carpet.
18. #17 would finger me sometimes (even when I wasn't wet, ouch) but he was so apathetic about it and would only do it because it would mean I'd have to suck his dick after. I never got off from it. We had sex a few times and I got off once. He went back to school and broke up with me because I wouldn't let him watch me masturbate on camera.
19. I knew #17's username on LiveJournal for a while so I'd go and read his public entries. I don't know why I did it, but I saw in recent pictures he's gotten fat, and that makes me happy. Also knowing that he has a tiny dick helps.
20. I met this new boy in college. He was the first to go down on me. But he rarely did and it made me feel really self conscious. I started to think that I tasted bad or smelled. He was so awkward and sloppy about it too. It just felt gross. I would fake it so that it would stop. We had sex in my dorm a lot. It was okay. He made awful noises when came.
21. At this point I didn't understand why sex wasn't pleasurable for me. I rarely ever got off. I just thought that's how it was and that sex was really just meant for guys to get off. Because of this I especially didn't get why I liked sex so much.
22. I bought my first vibrator shortly after I stopped seeing #20. It was a hard pink plastic one with multiple settings. I loved it and it was a very tragic moment when It broke. One time I went out with friends and we all picked out more realistic dildos. I ended up not liking it and tossing it for an identical (and much cheaper) version of my first vibrator in purple.
23. I don't know if I was ever really attracted to the guys I've dated up to this point. I just think I wanted them because they made me feel like they wanted me.
24. Despite a lot of bad experiences, I've always enjoyed giving oral. The feeling I get from getting someone off is amazing. I love seeing the guy squirm and moan.
25. The guy I am dating now is great. He treats me amazingly and tells me I'm beautiful. I orgasm without fail at least once every time we have sex. To go from thinking I could only get off by masturbating to coming multiple times from sex is pretty fucking awesome.
2. A childhood friend confessed to me that she wanted to kiss this boy, but she had never kissed someone before so she was afraid to. She asked if we could practice kissing each other in a game she made up called "Make Out Hotel." I started to cry and ran home. We stopped being friends shortly after. Our parents are good friends so I would see her often.
3. I ran into #2 two years ago and she confessed her love for me. She asked if I would have sex with her and her husband for $500. I turned her down.
4. I caught my sister doing sexual things with boyfriends before I knew what sex was. I'd ask her what she was doing and she would tell me flat out she was giving her boyfriend head. A while later, I saw my dog licking himself and exclaimed to my parents that our dog was giving himself head. My sister got in a lot of trouble.
5. I found out what sex actually was was through porn. I was spending the night at a friend's house and whoever was previously watching the TV left it on some adult channel. It was totally cheesy and cliche. A fireman in tight red pleather pants breaks down a door to a tiny blonde woman's apartment asking if there was a fire he could put out. She responded, "Only the one in my pants." We sat there wide-eyed and watched ten minutes of it before she quickly turned it off and got in her sleeping bag and turned off the lights. We never talked about it.
6. I had my first real kiss in the seventh grade. It was also my first date. It with this boy I had a crush on since elementary school at the local roller rink. We were in band class together, and I thought he was the cutest boy I'd ever seen. We were holding hands skating and during the slow skate, he kissed me. Two songs later my best friend showed up and he ran off to slow skate and kiss her.
7. I don't remember when I started to masturbate, but I was pretty young. I was confused about why I did it but only knew that it felt good. I wondered why I had never heard of something this great before. I thought I had invented it. The hand-held massager my sister bought for my mom for Christmas mysteriously went missing after I started masturbating on a regular basis.
8. I would fantasize about guys walking in on me naked and taking turns fucking me. I wrote about it in my journal. My mom often would go through my rooms and take things without telling me. After I wrote about these fantasies I never saw that journal again.
9. I was given my own computer in fourth grade. I also had an internet connection. And a webcam. I discovered AOL chat rooms. I started to talk to boys my age and they would flirt with me and ask me to be their girlfriends. I spent a lot of time in those chat rooms talking about kissing and boys.
10. Being a curious pre-teen with the internet at her disposal, I found tons of websites with erotica. I masturbated to a lot of the stories, mostly ones about people having sex out in the open.
11. Much later I started listening to erotic podcasts which I prefer over porn. Most porn isn't geared towards heterosexual females, at least the porn I've seen.
12. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen to my first real boyfriend in his truck. In our school parking lot. During lunch. It was pretty awkward but it was exciting. His penis was pretty large and it hurt, but I went along with it. We decided to go back to his place instead of going back to class to have a lot more sex.
13. I thought I was in love with #12, like how everyone else in high school does, but looking back on it I know I wasn't. He was just the only guy who would pay any sort of attention to me.
14. #12 was verbally and physically abusive. He called me ugly and said he was the only guy who would dare to fuck me because I was so gross. He kept me a secret from everybody (which became a trend with most of my boyfriends). I was only used for sex, which never stopped hurting. He made me bleed several times. We never officially broke up, he just moved to California and didn't tell me.
15. My poor excuse for a sex education class in high school taught me nothing. So I decided to learn myself. I watched every kind of porn there was. I looked up diagrams and read articles for hours. I watched a lot of gay male porn.
16. If it weren't for my curiosity about sex, I think I might have been one of the girls in my class who got knocked up before graduation because they didn't know the connection between sex and pregnancy.
17. I started dating a guy I met in a bookstore. I was a sophomore and he was a fourth year in College. We would hang out at his house and as soon as his parents left he pressured me to go down on him. I had never given a blow job so I was extremely uncomfortable. He practically forced me to do it and he came in my mouth without giving me any notice. I choked and spit it out on his carpet.
18. #17 would finger me sometimes (even when I wasn't wet, ouch) but he was so apathetic about it and would only do it because it would mean I'd have to suck his dick after. I never got off from it. We had sex a few times and I got off once. He went back to school and broke up with me because I wouldn't let him watch me masturbate on camera.
19. I knew #17's username on LiveJournal for a while so I'd go and read his public entries. I don't know why I did it, but I saw in recent pictures he's gotten fat, and that makes me happy. Also knowing that he has a tiny dick helps.
20. I met this new boy in college. He was the first to go down on me. But he rarely did and it made me feel really self conscious. I started to think that I tasted bad or smelled. He was so awkward and sloppy about it too. It just felt gross. I would fake it so that it would stop. We had sex in my dorm a lot. It was okay. He made awful noises when came.
21. At this point I didn't understand why sex wasn't pleasurable for me. I rarely ever got off. I just thought that's how it was and that sex was really just meant for guys to get off. Because of this I especially didn't get why I liked sex so much.
22. I bought my first vibrator shortly after I stopped seeing #20. It was a hard pink plastic one with multiple settings. I loved it and it was a very tragic moment when It broke. One time I went out with friends and we all picked out more realistic dildos. I ended up not liking it and tossing it for an identical (and much cheaper) version of my first vibrator in purple.
23. I don't know if I was ever really attracted to the guys I've dated up to this point. I just think I wanted them because they made me feel like they wanted me.
24. Despite a lot of bad experiences, I've always enjoyed giving oral. The feeling I get from getting someone off is amazing. I love seeing the guy squirm and moan.
25. The guy I am dating now is great. He treats me amazingly and tells me I'm beautiful. I orgasm without fail at least once every time we have sex. To go from thinking I could only get off by masturbating to coming multiple times from sex is pretty fucking awesome.
1) The first time I ever had sex was with my boyfriend at the time. It was also his first time. I was 16. We only ever had sex once and it was terrible. I didn't orgasm.
2) I've had sex with four guys in the past three years. I did it once with the first, five times with the second, once with the third, and I've lost count with the fourth and current.
3) I still considered myself a virgin after that and I never told anyone that I had had sex. I wasn't proud of losing my "v card."
4) I really wanted to try having sex with someone more experienced than my first. I told myself that I would never have sex with another virgin, but I did once after that (guy three).
5) Guy three was the first one to ever go down on me. It made up for the lack of sex and was ultimately better than sex in the end.
6) He used to force me to go down on him in return. I hated it and to this day I hate giving blow jobs.
7) My current boyfriend is wonderful in just about every way. He is awesome in bed and would rather have sex than have me give him oral.
8) I lost my virginity to him more than to any other guy. He is the first that I actually care for.
9) We have had sex almost every day since we started doing it.
10) I orgasm from the penetration alone about 30% of the time. Most of the time I don't mind, but sometimes after he finishes, I'll ask him to get me off manually.
11) He isn't that great at oral, but it doesn't bother me.
12) The first time we had sex was in the back seat of my car just before midnight.
13) Since then we have done it in a bed, but the car is still the best for both of us.
14) We tried in the shower, but it didn't work well because of the height difference. We showered together and then had sex in a bed.
15) I would like to try different positions, but I'm not sure how to ask. It usually doesn't hit me that I could have asked until after anyway.
16) We almost did it in the drive-in, but he wasn't comfortable with the possibility of someone watching. I don't think I would mind if anyone saw.
17) I don't fantasize very much and I find it hard to masturbate without porn.
18) I used to masturbate everyday, but now I don't feel any need to.
19) I prefer reading to watching any form of erotica usually, but if I need to make a quick job of it, watching does a better job.
20) I am very submissive, but my boyfriend isn't specifically dominant. He's working at being more dom for me and I think he's doing a good job.
21) I sometimes think I would enjoy being tied up, but I don't get turned on thinking about, reading, or watching it.
22) I've never really wanted to role play, but sometimes a rape scene will turn me on. I don't know how he would react to it if I asked for it and I don't really know if I would like it happening to me.
23) I really would like to experience as much as I can sexually and I'm glad that my boyfriend is up to it as well. We did two things that we had both been wanting to try (car and shower) within a week or two.
24) I would like to try sex while drinking. I wouldn't want either of us to be drunk, but maybe tipsy. I've heard so many different things about it that I would like to know for myself.
25) I'm excited for college in the fall. It will allow for so much more than living at home in the summer does.
2) I've had sex with four guys in the past three years. I did it once with the first, five times with the second, once with the third, and I've lost count with the fourth and current.
3) I still considered myself a virgin after that and I never told anyone that I had had sex. I wasn't proud of losing my "v card."
4) I really wanted to try having sex with someone more experienced than my first. I told myself that I would never have sex with another virgin, but I did once after that (guy three).
5) Guy three was the first one to ever go down on me. It made up for the lack of sex and was ultimately better than sex in the end.
6) He used to force me to go down on him in return. I hated it and to this day I hate giving blow jobs.
7) My current boyfriend is wonderful in just about every way. He is awesome in bed and would rather have sex than have me give him oral.
8) I lost my virginity to him more than to any other guy. He is the first that I actually care for.
9) We have had sex almost every day since we started doing it.
10) I orgasm from the penetration alone about 30% of the time. Most of the time I don't mind, but sometimes after he finishes, I'll ask him to get me off manually.
11) He isn't that great at oral, but it doesn't bother me.
12) The first time we had sex was in the back seat of my car just before midnight.
13) Since then we have done it in a bed, but the car is still the best for both of us.
14) We tried in the shower, but it didn't work well because of the height difference. We showered together and then had sex in a bed.
15) I would like to try different positions, but I'm not sure how to ask. It usually doesn't hit me that I could have asked until after anyway.
16) We almost did it in the drive-in, but he wasn't comfortable with the possibility of someone watching. I don't think I would mind if anyone saw.
17) I don't fantasize very much and I find it hard to masturbate without porn.
18) I used to masturbate everyday, but now I don't feel any need to.
19) I prefer reading to watching any form of erotica usually, but if I need to make a quick job of it, watching does a better job.
20) I am very submissive, but my boyfriend isn't specifically dominant. He's working at being more dom for me and I think he's doing a good job.
21) I sometimes think I would enjoy being tied up, but I don't get turned on thinking about, reading, or watching it.
22) I've never really wanted to role play, but sometimes a rape scene will turn me on. I don't know how he would react to it if I asked for it and I don't really know if I would like it happening to me.
23) I really would like to experience as much as I can sexually and I'm glad that my boyfriend is up to it as well. We did two things that we had both been wanting to try (car and shower) within a week or two.
24) I would like to try sex while drinking. I wouldn't want either of us to be drunk, but maybe tipsy. I've heard so many different things about it that I would like to know for myself.
25) I'm excited for college in the fall. It will allow for so much more than living at home in the summer does.
1. When I was eight years old, I noticed wetness from my vagina and collected some on my finger. I sniffed and tasted the substance and later presented it to my mother without telling her of its origin. To this day, I enjoy the smell and taste of my own vaginal juices – like honeyed apples.
2. When someone sucks my nipples, I sometimes feel that I might orgasm from it. Being fingered at the same time distracts me from the pleasure of it. My breasts are relatively small (36B), but I have always experienced an uncommon amount of pleasure when they are licked or touched.
3. On the only occasion that someone touched my G-spot – for perhaps two seconds – I nearly orgasmed on the spot. It would’ve been the most fulfilling of my life, except the fingers were withdrawn.
4. When I read erotic fiction or concoct fantasies during masturbation, most of the time I am not present in the fantasy. What gets me off is the idea of other people getting off.
5. I enjoy giving oral sex to both males and females, though I have more experience with the former. I like the feel of a cock in my mouth, throbbing in time to my tongue; I enjoy swallowing semen and licking the penis post-orgasm while still sensitive. Most of the time, I prefer to give oral pleasure than to receive it.
6. I have never had intercourse. I think about it constantly and have had countless offers from numerous parties. Still, something holds me back. Usually I tell myself that my ideals about romantic love and pleasure stop me, but I suspect that it is fear.
7. Because I have not had intercourse, I am quite proficient at every other sex act that people do. All of my male partners have told me that I am the best oral sex that he has received.
8. I thrive on clitoral stimulation. When I masturbate, I do so through a layer of underwear because I tend to be a bit rough on my genitals. Lately, I have been doing it without the layer and have taken pains to being careful. It is the very difference between black and white versus Technicolor, and I cannot believe that I have waited so long.
9. Most of the time I wish I had already had intercourse already, so it wouldn’t seem like such a big deal. I have had the opportunity to sleep with many attractive, sexy men and sometimes can’t believe I denied them all.
10. Sometimes I want to lose my virginity to another virgin, a couple of blank slates figuring things out. Other times I want someone of vast experience to show me what my body can really do. I’m conflicted over the choice and occasionally wish someone would just sweep in and take the option from me, even though rape is absolutely frightening and abhorrent to me.
11. In high school, I was too smart to be sought after. Once I hit college, I lost a little weight and shed my long-term boyfriend. I have never felt beautiful or gorgeous, despite protestations of such from partners and acquaintances. To that end, I was self-conscious for a long while about my body, and in the past few years, I have developed some indifference to it, resulting in a dramatic loss of sexual inhibition. Certainly my earlier partners missed out on what more recent partners have experienced.
12. I love holding a man’s head between my thighs. I love forcing him to lap me up, to make him pleasure me until words become monosyllabic sounds and cries. Even more, however, I like being held down and forced to experience oral sex. Likewise, I enjoy holding or tying down my partner and forcing pleasure on him. I trade dominance and submission but prefer the former.
13. There is a spot on my neck that, when kissed, licked, or even touched, I instantly become wet.
14. The feeling of beard stubble on that spot, or over my back, has the same effect.
15. Before I groomed my vagina, I became wet more quickly. Now that I trim and shave, it takes a little longer. Sometimes I wish that I could grow a bush back and be super wet all the time, but I know my partner would be less likely to go down on me.
16. I can’t stomach watching most heterosexual porn. If I must watch it, I prefer amateur stuff (i.e. a couple who submits a cheesy video) or squirt porn. I like to think that the women in these categories are more likely to experience pleasure, as the first is between people who know each other, and the second shows an actual ejaculation as evidence of female orgasm. Sometimes I watch hentai, because no human bodies are “harmed” in the making of it.
17. Sometimes I’m not sure if I have had a genuine orgasm. To that end, I masturbate constantly, in the name of science, of course… I masturbate three to five times a day, more than most males that I know. Having a partner doesn’t change this much, though working or being in school cuts out a lot of my time for getting myself off.
18. If I had two lives, one of them would be dedicated to fucking as many people as I’ve wanted to over the years. Even counting the offers that I’ve seriously considered, it would be at least a dozen men by now, and certainly a half-dozen women.
19. I was once with someone who wanted to do sounding and electroshock. While I indulged him in fantasies of control and pain – I hit him during sex play – I could not consent to anything that might permanently damage him. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve done it, or if he’s found someone else to do it for him. Given his fetish for straight-laced Asians, I doubt it.
20. I have medical fantasies sometimes. Once I went to my doctor and asked him about the best way to achieve orgasm, half-hoping he would slip on a glove, lube up, and show me. He suggested a butterfly vibrator. I still harbor those fantasies, though that particular doctor is not in them.
21. Sometime in my life, I would like a partner to tell me, during sex, “You are my fantasy.” I read it in a book once and really got off on the idea of it.
22. I am very open with my partners and believe communication is the way to foster good relationships, sexual or otherwise. That being said, most people do not know that I have not had intercourse. Given my frank interest in sexuality and sexual activities, most people assume that I have had countless partners. I do not dissuade them from this belief; I even encourage it. Being known as a virgin makes me feel vulnerable. When people know, they also assume that they know a great deal about me. They think I am overly religious, sexually frigid, or gay. Rather, I am Agnostic, sexually curious and open, and heterosexual (though I engage in sexual acts with women, I do not pursue relationships with them and thus consider myself hetero rather than bisexual). I consider my virginity to be my private property, and the idea that people expect to know is abhorrent to me. I share it with whom I choose and expect complete discretion. Seldom has this trust been broken.
23. The best oral sex that I have ever received was from the most unassuming, straight-laced, honorable man of my acquaintance. He made me scream and even forget my name, it was so good. Sometimes I still think about it and wish I had pursued a serious relationship with him, rather than turning tail and running when it might’ve become more. I know I will always regret him and wonder if he will plague me through the rest of relationships.
24. I have told a few men that theirs was the largest penis I’d ever seen. In truth, the largest belonged to the excellent oral giver mentioned above. He scarcely fit in my mouth, and it took a great deal of practice to accommodate him. When I got him off, I felt like I owned the world. I’m convinced, however, that his gigantic cock would have split me in half, or at least would’ve torn me inside, had we engaged in intercourse. Still, I wonder about him.
25. After submitting this entry, I am going to masturbate myself very long and hard, because just writing all of this has made me very excited.
2. When someone sucks my nipples, I sometimes feel that I might orgasm from it. Being fingered at the same time distracts me from the pleasure of it. My breasts are relatively small (36B), but I have always experienced an uncommon amount of pleasure when they are licked or touched.
3. On the only occasion that someone touched my G-spot – for perhaps two seconds – I nearly orgasmed on the spot. It would’ve been the most fulfilling of my life, except the fingers were withdrawn.
4. When I read erotic fiction or concoct fantasies during masturbation, most of the time I am not present in the fantasy. What gets me off is the idea of other people getting off.
5. I enjoy giving oral sex to both males and females, though I have more experience with the former. I like the feel of a cock in my mouth, throbbing in time to my tongue; I enjoy swallowing semen and licking the penis post-orgasm while still sensitive. Most of the time, I prefer to give oral pleasure than to receive it.
6. I have never had intercourse. I think about it constantly and have had countless offers from numerous parties. Still, something holds me back. Usually I tell myself that my ideals about romantic love and pleasure stop me, but I suspect that it is fear.
7. Because I have not had intercourse, I am quite proficient at every other sex act that people do. All of my male partners have told me that I am the best oral sex that he has received.
8. I thrive on clitoral stimulation. When I masturbate, I do so through a layer of underwear because I tend to be a bit rough on my genitals. Lately, I have been doing it without the layer and have taken pains to being careful. It is the very difference between black and white versus Technicolor, and I cannot believe that I have waited so long.
9. Most of the time I wish I had already had intercourse already, so it wouldn’t seem like such a big deal. I have had the opportunity to sleep with many attractive, sexy men and sometimes can’t believe I denied them all.
10. Sometimes I want to lose my virginity to another virgin, a couple of blank slates figuring things out. Other times I want someone of vast experience to show me what my body can really do. I’m conflicted over the choice and occasionally wish someone would just sweep in and take the option from me, even though rape is absolutely frightening and abhorrent to me.
11. In high school, I was too smart to be sought after. Once I hit college, I lost a little weight and shed my long-term boyfriend. I have never felt beautiful or gorgeous, despite protestations of such from partners and acquaintances. To that end, I was self-conscious for a long while about my body, and in the past few years, I have developed some indifference to it, resulting in a dramatic loss of sexual inhibition. Certainly my earlier partners missed out on what more recent partners have experienced.
12. I love holding a man’s head between my thighs. I love forcing him to lap me up, to make him pleasure me until words become monosyllabic sounds and cries. Even more, however, I like being held down and forced to experience oral sex. Likewise, I enjoy holding or tying down my partner and forcing pleasure on him. I trade dominance and submission but prefer the former.
13. There is a spot on my neck that, when kissed, licked, or even touched, I instantly become wet.
14. The feeling of beard stubble on that spot, or over my back, has the same effect.
15. Before I groomed my vagina, I became wet more quickly. Now that I trim and shave, it takes a little longer. Sometimes I wish that I could grow a bush back and be super wet all the time, but I know my partner would be less likely to go down on me.
16. I can’t stomach watching most heterosexual porn. If I must watch it, I prefer amateur stuff (i.e. a couple who submits a cheesy video) or squirt porn. I like to think that the women in these categories are more likely to experience pleasure, as the first is between people who know each other, and the second shows an actual ejaculation as evidence of female orgasm. Sometimes I watch hentai, because no human bodies are “harmed” in the making of it.
17. Sometimes I’m not sure if I have had a genuine orgasm. To that end, I masturbate constantly, in the name of science, of course… I masturbate three to five times a day, more than most males that I know. Having a partner doesn’t change this much, though working or being in school cuts out a lot of my time for getting myself off.
18. If I had two lives, one of them would be dedicated to fucking as many people as I’ve wanted to over the years. Even counting the offers that I’ve seriously considered, it would be at least a dozen men by now, and certainly a half-dozen women.
19. I was once with someone who wanted to do sounding and electroshock. While I indulged him in fantasies of control and pain – I hit him during sex play – I could not consent to anything that might permanently damage him. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve done it, or if he’s found someone else to do it for him. Given his fetish for straight-laced Asians, I doubt it.
20. I have medical fantasies sometimes. Once I went to my doctor and asked him about the best way to achieve orgasm, half-hoping he would slip on a glove, lube up, and show me. He suggested a butterfly vibrator. I still harbor those fantasies, though that particular doctor is not in them.
21. Sometime in my life, I would like a partner to tell me, during sex, “You are my fantasy.” I read it in a book once and really got off on the idea of it.
22. I am very open with my partners and believe communication is the way to foster good relationships, sexual or otherwise. That being said, most people do not know that I have not had intercourse. Given my frank interest in sexuality and sexual activities, most people assume that I have had countless partners. I do not dissuade them from this belief; I even encourage it. Being known as a virgin makes me feel vulnerable. When people know, they also assume that they know a great deal about me. They think I am overly religious, sexually frigid, or gay. Rather, I am Agnostic, sexually curious and open, and heterosexual (though I engage in sexual acts with women, I do not pursue relationships with them and thus consider myself hetero rather than bisexual). I consider my virginity to be my private property, and the idea that people expect to know is abhorrent to me. I share it with whom I choose and expect complete discretion. Seldom has this trust been broken.
23. The best oral sex that I have ever received was from the most unassuming, straight-laced, honorable man of my acquaintance. He made me scream and even forget my name, it was so good. Sometimes I still think about it and wish I had pursued a serious relationship with him, rather than turning tail and running when it might’ve become more. I know I will always regret him and wonder if he will plague me through the rest of relationships.
24. I have told a few men that theirs was the largest penis I’d ever seen. In truth, the largest belonged to the excellent oral giver mentioned above. He scarcely fit in my mouth, and it took a great deal of practice to accommodate him. When I got him off, I felt like I owned the world. I’m convinced, however, that his gigantic cock would have split me in half, or at least would’ve torn me inside, had we engaged in intercourse. Still, I wonder about him.
25. After submitting this entry, I am going to masturbate myself very long and hard, because just writing all of this has made me very excited.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
1. I hit puberty in 3rd grade and often humped my teddy bear. I didn’t know what I was doing, just that my physical body really enjoyed it and that I had a deep sense of shame. I often prayed for forgiveness immediately.
2. I got caught once and my parents made me carry the teddy bear around and called me a pervert.
3. I think the sticky feeling of cum from then is why I like to have a guy cum on me now.
4. Being bisexual, and having a first encounter that didn’t end in climax, I feel like I lost my virginity lots of times.
5. One of my girlfriends had sex with another guy while we dated and I read an email where he wrote her about it. It turned me on and still does, though it brings up all sorts of shame (and memories of being sexually abused). I don’t know what to do with the whole thing.
6. When I show up and am mentally in the game, I’m really good at what I do. Really good. I feel guilty if I’m not mentally in it/good, and never want to disappoint my partner.
7. I’ve faked. Several times.
8. My first fantasies about guys were the cool guys in school who all called me gay. I knew I liked women and yet would fantasize about them being rough with me, forcing me to suck them off, etc. It never happened, but it’s a fantasy that still rings true.
9. The first guy I let fuck me is also the largest cock I’ve had. It was one of the best sexual experiences I’ve had. Often I hate to bottom though because it doesn’t feel good.
10. I often hate topping men because of their body hair. It has caused me to lose my erection before I get it in.
11. Because of #9 and #10, I prefer sex with women (though love giving a guy oral sex).
12. My favorite sex ever? A woman with a strap-on. It’s a mixture of the physical and the mental as we cross gender boundaries left and right. My favorite image is of a femme-y woman with a strap-on as it double-crosses boundaries.
13. Ever since being a little boy, I’ve loved the smell of leather. I have no idea why. It is the easiest aphrodisiac for me to use to get an erection or orgasm, without a doubt.
14. My second biggest fetish? Hats. I know – it’s weird. Try finding hat porn. I don’t mean doing it with hats – but people wearing them.
15. I love roleplaying because my mind races – it allows me to engage the physical (sex) with mental and creativity.
16. I love vanilla sex because it allows me to please and be romantic and I’m a huuuuge romantic.
17. My cock, and my body, is average in almost every way. The only plus to my physical prowess is that I am curved ever so slightly so that it reaches just the right spot in men and women.
18. If I had to choose any sexual fetish/fantasy/role – I’d be a submissive. I love to be cared for and to please. It’s something I’d ask my partner to do for our entire relationship, if possible.
19. I also love being dominant, sometimes. Love it. And since I’m a good submissive, I know how to be a very good dominant.
20. I’ve enacted force roleplays with men and women and it has worked very well as the comfort has been established well before we play.
21. Safewords are vital and yet very rarely have I had to use one (or had one used when I’m the dom).
22. I often wish I was a girl – for the sex. Conversely, I love my cock and balls and would have a hard time giving them up.
23. I really hope I get to have a threesome before I get married. For what it’s worth, I hope to have 3 threesomes (MMF, MMM, MFF).
24. I’ve had sex (or sex acts) in plenty of public places (parks, churches, school buses, etc). I’m dying to join the Mile High Club.
25. On my wedding night, I hope to have really great vanilla sex. Food. Really great kinky sex. Water. Food. Massaging. And then whatever else.
2. I got caught once and my parents made me carry the teddy bear around and called me a pervert.
3. I think the sticky feeling of cum from then is why I like to have a guy cum on me now.
4. Being bisexual, and having a first encounter that didn’t end in climax, I feel like I lost my virginity lots of times.
5. One of my girlfriends had sex with another guy while we dated and I read an email where he wrote her about it. It turned me on and still does, though it brings up all sorts of shame (and memories of being sexually abused). I don’t know what to do with the whole thing.
6. When I show up and am mentally in the game, I’m really good at what I do. Really good. I feel guilty if I’m not mentally in it/good, and never want to disappoint my partner.
7. I’ve faked. Several times.
8. My first fantasies about guys were the cool guys in school who all called me gay. I knew I liked women and yet would fantasize about them being rough with me, forcing me to suck them off, etc. It never happened, but it’s a fantasy that still rings true.
9. The first guy I let fuck me is also the largest cock I’ve had. It was one of the best sexual experiences I’ve had. Often I hate to bottom though because it doesn’t feel good.
10. I often hate topping men because of their body hair. It has caused me to lose my erection before I get it in.
11. Because of #9 and #10, I prefer sex with women (though love giving a guy oral sex).
12. My favorite sex ever? A woman with a strap-on. It’s a mixture of the physical and the mental as we cross gender boundaries left and right. My favorite image is of a femme-y woman with a strap-on as it double-crosses boundaries.
13. Ever since being a little boy, I’ve loved the smell of leather. I have no idea why. It is the easiest aphrodisiac for me to use to get an erection or orgasm, without a doubt.
14. My second biggest fetish? Hats. I know – it’s weird. Try finding hat porn. I don’t mean doing it with hats – but people wearing them.
15. I love roleplaying because my mind races – it allows me to engage the physical (sex) with mental and creativity.
16. I love vanilla sex because it allows me to please and be romantic and I’m a huuuuge romantic.
17. My cock, and my body, is average in almost every way. The only plus to my physical prowess is that I am curved ever so slightly so that it reaches just the right spot in men and women.
18. If I had to choose any sexual fetish/fantasy/role – I’d be a submissive. I love to be cared for and to please. It’s something I’d ask my partner to do for our entire relationship, if possible.
19. I also love being dominant, sometimes. Love it. And since I’m a good submissive, I know how to be a very good dominant.
20. I’ve enacted force roleplays with men and women and it has worked very well as the comfort has been established well before we play.
21. Safewords are vital and yet very rarely have I had to use one (or had one used when I’m the dom).
22. I often wish I was a girl – for the sex. Conversely, I love my cock and balls and would have a hard time giving them up.
23. I really hope I get to have a threesome before I get married. For what it’s worth, I hope to have 3 threesomes (MMF, MMM, MFF).
24. I’ve had sex (or sex acts) in plenty of public places (parks, churches, school buses, etc). I’m dying to join the Mile High Club.
25. On my wedding night, I hope to have really great vanilla sex. Food. Really great kinky sex. Water. Food. Massaging. And then whatever else.
1. I have had a much more boring sex life than most people who post here. The first time I masturbated I was eleven years old. I had been reading those "What's happening to my body?" books about puberty for boys. I remember I lay in bed and rubbed up against the bed sheet. The orgasm was so intense that it pulled every muscle in my body taut. It stayed that good for a while, but later I got used to it. Now I masturbate usually once a day and it's the same kind of routine like going to the bathroom or grabbing lunch. Now I only get that kind of orgasm with oral.
2. When I was twelve and thirteen I'd fantasize about girls in my classes. I stood in front of the shower and lined them up in my mind and fucked all of them, getting them all off before I came in my favorite.
3. My aunts made fun of me when they found the puberty books, saying I probably went straight to the small section they had about girls. I hadn't even thought of that, but then of course I looked. We had just gotten the internet, so I started exploring online, first with softcore and then got more and more explicit.
4. When I was fourteen years old after watching the movie "The Messenger" with Milla Jovovich I couldn't bring myself to masturbate for a month (ironically, just a couple years before I had scoured the internet looking for naked pictures of Milla after seeing "Fifth Element"). "Messenger" features a scene where the young Jen d'Arc hides in a cabinet while her sister gets a sword run through her (into the cabinet of course) to shut her up while some invading German type rapes her as she dies. I was horrified but also very carefully watching myself to make sure I wasn't turned on at all. I still remember a crawly feeling in my testicles. For a while after I managed to start masturbating again I had to keep my eyes open to keep from seeing that scene.
5. I read a lot of erotic stories. Once I read a story about a man who was tested in some pseudo religious voodoo tantric thing where he had to get his wife off without getting himself off in the process. He failed, so he had to watch the master priest (some well-hung black guy, naturally) fuck his wife and get her off many times before coming himself and getting her pregnant. The husband had to bear his shame constantly for the rest of his life every time he looked at his child. Even now, probably nine years after reading it and seeing the obvious hole in the plot, it still bothers me.
6. The first time I kissed a girl I was thirteen. She wouldn't let me do more than peck her until I was fourteen. We made out for the first time after seeing "Episode I" in the theater opening weekend. The first time I showed her my penis at age fifteen she froze immediately, in horror or fear or what I never did find out. She touched it hesitantly like it was some decomposing sea creature. That same night I talked her into letting me touch her. It was the first time I felt a girl's vagina. It felt weird but worthy of further investigation. I wouldn't lose my virginity for more than three years.
7. After a long time I talked her into giving me a real handjob. She still wouldn't look, so she would close her eyes or look away. I had to pull her hands off me at the last second and use a tissue to catch all the semen so she wouldn't get any on her.
8. For all my pushing, I refused to ever try to convince her to go all the way. I read a thing online (I think it's from the Red Cross) about how whenever you have sex with someone you are having sex with every person that person has ever had sex with. That made me very paranoid about where I was putting my penis, and I didn't want to push that kind of thing on her. One day, out of the blue, she said she wanted to have sex (sorry, "make love").
9. I lost my virginity at age eighteen in the same treehouse I'd had my sixth birthday party in.
10. We mostly had sex in my old house, because we were both homeschooled and could never get away from our parents any other way. It was dank and musty and unpleasant (I'm talking about the house... mostly). One time she sneezed and the force somehow crushed my penis and she squirted out a bunch of mucousy yellow stuff. I still fucked her after that.
11. We had sex less than a dozen times before she finally left me and ran off to another city with her girlfriend. The last time we were together we just gave each other oral. I still had to talk her into doing it, even then. She spit. Most of our sex life had been cyber- and phone-sex. She was never interested in anything without prompting (obviously). I think I instructed her through her first orgasm with an electric toothbrush. I always wondered if she'd been molested. Now I just figure she's a lesbian. To date I don't know if she's figured it out herself. Or she might be one of those few truly asexual people in the world. I don't know. Doesn't matter now.
12. The next time I was with a girl I was twenty-one. She never just kissed me without giving me full mouth-to-mouth. It was exhilarating. We made out on her stairs, but when I started feeling her up she stopped me. I don't think it's that she didn't want to rush, more that she wanted me to be in love with her before she'd go any farther.
13. That was the first time I lied to someone about loving them.
14. Talking to her was a chore, as she was not a native English speaker. I was only interested in her mouth for oral. She gave me the best blowjob I'd ever had. One night I found out she'd lied about her age and was more than twelve years older than me (she said she was twenty four). I left her then. I said it was because of the age but I was looking for a way out anyway. As a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits she was great to be around, but I couldn't stand the idea of being in a real relationship with her.
15. I wanted "one more for the road" so I came back another time after that night and she went down on me again. I cut off ties with her shortly after. I still feel like a jerk.
16. A few months later I met my second real girlfriend. She was with someone at the time, but the attraction was undeniable. One night she came over and we drank a little, but I was a perfect gentleman (a fact I don't think anyone subsequently believed). When I took her home, we both wanted to kiss each other, but we didn't. She said she was in a bad relationship, so I just figured I'd wait and catch her on the rebound.
17. Not long after I started traveling. A couple weeks into it she wanted to know if I was attracted to her. I said I was. We started cybering when I traveled. I never quite figured out what happened with the breakup, just that I almost lost my best friend over it. I was so lonely I was willing to do almost anything.
18. I was in Amsterdam before we got together, and my father offered me €50 to bang one of the prostitutes. I declined, partially because I just didn't want to, but mostly because I was loyal to someone who I'd only really had a relationship with online. I still feel a little stupid for the second part. Later I got stoned and ended up flirting with a really cute girl. She was the one I really regret not pursuing.
19. When I came back I could never really fall for her. Whatever magic we had that first night seemed to have dissipated. I still felt for the person on the screen, but I couldn't translate those feelings for the real person for months. That was the second time I lied about loving someone.
20. She was almost impossible to get off. Sometimes I would fuck her for fifteen minutes without even getting her close. I would get so sore that when I eventually did just let myself go it always hurt. Whenever she drank she'd get ravenously horny and make orgasm completely impossible. I began to dread her drinking. She always said it was fine, that I could just get myself off and it wasn't a big deal. I never believed it. Though, now that I'm writing this I'm beginning to see where I got the obsession of getting a girl off.
21. Combining the fact that she was hard to get off with her refusing to shave under any circumstances, going down on her was incredibly arduous. I only did it a few times. Of course getting her off by hand was out of the question. As a result she naturally refused to do anything of the sort for me. I didn't bother asking.
22. One time the condom slipped off after I came and we had to run to get Plan B at night when only the Wal-Mart pharmacy was open. She didn't say a word to me for a week after that. I figured we were through, but we stayed together for another couple months. I don't know if that's when it was really over though.
23. The last two times we were together she didn't even bother trying attempt getting off. She used her vibrator after I was done. I got the message.
24. Right after my first girlfriend left me I had bought a Fleshlight that I didn't like, so I never used it. I got a different insert after I broke up with this one. It was awesome. After laboring at sex for so long it was like a breath of fresh air, even if I was by myself. I fantasized about fucking a girl I met a couple times on my counter. She was skinny enough that it would have worked (being anorexically skinny has got to be good for something). We never got that far.
25. My current girlfriend is awesome. I can get her off multiple times without even working for it, and she goes down on me with zero prompting. It's gotten me wondering if this is what sex is supposed to be like. She's the first person I ever considered having sex with while not using a condom.
2. When I was twelve and thirteen I'd fantasize about girls in my classes. I stood in front of the shower and lined them up in my mind and fucked all of them, getting them all off before I came in my favorite.
3. My aunts made fun of me when they found the puberty books, saying I probably went straight to the small section they had about girls. I hadn't even thought of that, but then of course I looked. We had just gotten the internet, so I started exploring online, first with softcore and then got more and more explicit.
4. When I was fourteen years old after watching the movie "The Messenger" with Milla Jovovich I couldn't bring myself to masturbate for a month (ironically, just a couple years before I had scoured the internet looking for naked pictures of Milla after seeing "Fifth Element"). "Messenger" features a scene where the young Jen d'Arc hides in a cabinet while her sister gets a sword run through her (into the cabinet of course) to shut her up while some invading German type rapes her as she dies. I was horrified but also very carefully watching myself to make sure I wasn't turned on at all. I still remember a crawly feeling in my testicles. For a while after I managed to start masturbating again I had to keep my eyes open to keep from seeing that scene.
5. I read a lot of erotic stories. Once I read a story about a man who was tested in some pseudo religious voodoo tantric thing where he had to get his wife off without getting himself off in the process. He failed, so he had to watch the master priest (some well-hung black guy, naturally) fuck his wife and get her off many times before coming himself and getting her pregnant. The husband had to bear his shame constantly for the rest of his life every time he looked at his child. Even now, probably nine years after reading it and seeing the obvious hole in the plot, it still bothers me.
6. The first time I kissed a girl I was thirteen. She wouldn't let me do more than peck her until I was fourteen. We made out for the first time after seeing "Episode I" in the theater opening weekend. The first time I showed her my penis at age fifteen she froze immediately, in horror or fear or what I never did find out. She touched it hesitantly like it was some decomposing sea creature. That same night I talked her into letting me touch her. It was the first time I felt a girl's vagina. It felt weird but worthy of further investigation. I wouldn't lose my virginity for more than three years.
7. After a long time I talked her into giving me a real handjob. She still wouldn't look, so she would close her eyes or look away. I had to pull her hands off me at the last second and use a tissue to catch all the semen so she wouldn't get any on her.
8. For all my pushing, I refused to ever try to convince her to go all the way. I read a thing online (I think it's from the Red Cross) about how whenever you have sex with someone you are having sex with every person that person has ever had sex with. That made me very paranoid about where I was putting my penis, and I didn't want to push that kind of thing on her. One day, out of the blue, she said she wanted to have sex (sorry, "make love").
9. I lost my virginity at age eighteen in the same treehouse I'd had my sixth birthday party in.
10. We mostly had sex in my old house, because we were both homeschooled and could never get away from our parents any other way. It was dank and musty and unpleasant (I'm talking about the house... mostly). One time she sneezed and the force somehow crushed my penis and she squirted out a bunch of mucousy yellow stuff. I still fucked her after that.
11. We had sex less than a dozen times before she finally left me and ran off to another city with her girlfriend. The last time we were together we just gave each other oral. I still had to talk her into doing it, even then. She spit. Most of our sex life had been cyber- and phone-sex. She was never interested in anything without prompting (obviously). I think I instructed her through her first orgasm with an electric toothbrush. I always wondered if she'd been molested. Now I just figure she's a lesbian. To date I don't know if she's figured it out herself. Or she might be one of those few truly asexual people in the world. I don't know. Doesn't matter now.
12. The next time I was with a girl I was twenty-one. She never just kissed me without giving me full mouth-to-mouth. It was exhilarating. We made out on her stairs, but when I started feeling her up she stopped me. I don't think it's that she didn't want to rush, more that she wanted me to be in love with her before she'd go any farther.
13. That was the first time I lied to someone about loving them.
14. Talking to her was a chore, as she was not a native English speaker. I was only interested in her mouth for oral. She gave me the best blowjob I'd ever had. One night I found out she'd lied about her age and was more than twelve years older than me (she said she was twenty four). I left her then. I said it was because of the age but I was looking for a way out anyway. As a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits she was great to be around, but I couldn't stand the idea of being in a real relationship with her.
15. I wanted "one more for the road" so I came back another time after that night and she went down on me again. I cut off ties with her shortly after. I still feel like a jerk.
16. A few months later I met my second real girlfriend. She was with someone at the time, but the attraction was undeniable. One night she came over and we drank a little, but I was a perfect gentleman (a fact I don't think anyone subsequently believed). When I took her home, we both wanted to kiss each other, but we didn't. She said she was in a bad relationship, so I just figured I'd wait and catch her on the rebound.
17. Not long after I started traveling. A couple weeks into it she wanted to know if I was attracted to her. I said I was. We started cybering when I traveled. I never quite figured out what happened with the breakup, just that I almost lost my best friend over it. I was so lonely I was willing to do almost anything.
18. I was in Amsterdam before we got together, and my father offered me €50 to bang one of the prostitutes. I declined, partially because I just didn't want to, but mostly because I was loyal to someone who I'd only really had a relationship with online. I still feel a little stupid for the second part. Later I got stoned and ended up flirting with a really cute girl. She was the one I really regret not pursuing.
19. When I came back I could never really fall for her. Whatever magic we had that first night seemed to have dissipated. I still felt for the person on the screen, but I couldn't translate those feelings for the real person for months. That was the second time I lied about loving someone.
20. She was almost impossible to get off. Sometimes I would fuck her for fifteen minutes without even getting her close. I would get so sore that when I eventually did just let myself go it always hurt. Whenever she drank she'd get ravenously horny and make orgasm completely impossible. I began to dread her drinking. She always said it was fine, that I could just get myself off and it wasn't a big deal. I never believed it. Though, now that I'm writing this I'm beginning to see where I got the obsession of getting a girl off.
21. Combining the fact that she was hard to get off with her refusing to shave under any circumstances, going down on her was incredibly arduous. I only did it a few times. Of course getting her off by hand was out of the question. As a result she naturally refused to do anything of the sort for me. I didn't bother asking.
22. One time the condom slipped off after I came and we had to run to get Plan B at night when only the Wal-Mart pharmacy was open. She didn't say a word to me for a week after that. I figured we were through, but we stayed together for another couple months. I don't know if that's when it was really over though.
23. The last two times we were together she didn't even bother trying attempt getting off. She used her vibrator after I was done. I got the message.
24. Right after my first girlfriend left me I had bought a Fleshlight that I didn't like, so I never used it. I got a different insert after I broke up with this one. It was awesome. After laboring at sex for so long it was like a breath of fresh air, even if I was by myself. I fantasized about fucking a girl I met a couple times on my counter. She was skinny enough that it would have worked (being anorexically skinny has got to be good for something). We never got that far.
25. My current girlfriend is awesome. I can get her off multiple times without even working for it, and she goes down on me with zero prompting. It's gotten me wondering if this is what sex is supposed to be like. She's the first person I ever considered having sex with while not using a condom.
1. I remember taking a shower with my mom. I do not know how old I was but I remember it. She had big boobs and a dark hairy bush. It was the 70’s. That is all I remember.
2. I started masturbating when I was like nine or ten to my dads skin magazines. I remember reading about ejaculation but that didn't happen until I was 12.
3. A number of boys in the neighborhood used to masturbate together, I was never invited and that bothered me. I thought why would you want to do that with other boys? I was just bothered that I wasn't invited.
4. I would think about sex all the time and then this girl in the neighborhood asked me one day, "Do you ever think about sex?" We were twelve and would go to this fort we had in the field across from my house and just lay there holding each other, kissing, and feeling each other up and down underneath our clothes.
5. I used to put things up my ass when I was younger and really liked it.
6. I lost my virginity when I was 19, I thought it was late for a guy… She just got me high and seduced me.
7. I used to be tormented by thoughts I was gay. I never masturbated to guys or even thought that way, I just obsessed that I was gay. Some suggested I try it to find out, but for me I do not think it would have helped at the time. As I have grown older I am more OK with my thoughts and fantasies, because that is what they are, thoughts and fantasies, not actions. One event that I believed helped me through this was seeing two friends kiss. Many guys have the MFF fantasy, or two girl lesbian fantasy, watching them. Well my friends were in my car, they are lesbians and they started making out. Not that it grossed me out, it was just weird and in some ways did not seem right. So seeing that helped me realize that fantasy does not always equal reality.
8. I believe I date raped a girl in college or at least forced myself on her. We were hot, heavy, and naked in my car and that part was willing, but looking back I believed I forced the issue. This has been a recent revelation and I feel really guilty about it. Ashamed is more like it. I wish I could apologize or take it back.
9. I have always thought my penis was too small, however after reading this blog I have felt better about myself.
10. I masturbate at least every day, many time multiple times. Sometimes I can waste many hours looking at and reading porn. I wish I could find a woman to masturbate with regularly.
11. I have slept with several virgins. One of which was my fiancé. She believed in no vaginal sex before marriage. We used to do everything but vaginal intercourse. She then asked if I wanted to try anal. So we used to do that all the time. It was fun but she was not that into sex. I am glad it broke off before the wedding.
12. I have slept with 60+ women, much older (20 years) and younger (10 years) than myself. It was all good. I think I now prefer women about my age, however being 41, I desire a purely sexual relationship with a woman in her 20’s.
13. I have not had any threesomes or moresomes. For me I think it would be sensory overload. I would like to have the experience to say I did it, however it is not high on the list of priorities. In addition the people I know who have had them seem to be more about bragging rights than “This was the greatest experience ever!”
14. I have fantasized about having sex with a man and have gone as far a placing an ad on Craigslist, but I do not think I can or would act on it. I enjoyed the emails with some men as it was erotic--nice to be desired. Fear of disease and/or someone becoming violent are a large deterrent.
15. I will occasionally use bananas on myself, fantasizing that a well-endowed man is taking me from behind. I really like the feeling and would like to try it with someone I completely trust. Perhaps I will be seduced one day under the perfect circumstances and allow it to happen. I want him to be large though...
16. I have been with a few married women. I really struggle with this. Although it is very exciting at the time I often feel guilty afterwards.
17. One married woman is really into S&M and bondage. Wants me to do things to her and build a dungeon. I really do not get it... I really like some good old fashioned fucking, sometimes soft and gentle, sometimes hard and occasionally getting a little wilder. Who knows, maybe I'll progress up to the other stuff.
18. I wonder if any of my students fantasize about me.
19. Although many of my female students are attractive, legal and wear revealing clothes I do not think I would ever touch them. Aside from putting my professional life in jeopardy, I would not want to damage them in any way. None of the men I work with ever talk about this that I know of... There must be feelings stirred in them as well. Older male teachers I have spoken to in the past have said it used to be a contest to see how many students they could sleep with.
20. I wish I had a regular sleeping partner who I could continue to explore my sexuality with now.
21. I love going down on a woman, though sometimes it takes a long time... Now I know how some women feel.
22. I do not like 69 that much, not that it doesn’t feel that good, it is just too intense and I cannot concentrate.
23. I sometimes wish I could just say to some women I know I want to have sex with them. Some of them are very attractive but are in relationships. I will often fantasize about them when alone. I want to know how they feel, taste, and sound.
24. I love the female body. All shapes and sizes and really think they are beautiful. Some male bodies are nice too, but I only feel this way occasionally.
25. Reading this blog has made me more comfortable with my sexuality and feeling about myself, making me feel not so much like a freak and more normal than anything. It is not comparing myself to the other posts, it is just that we all have thoughts and actions and feeling about ourselves that maybe never get shared. I feel relief, happy, and a little more comfortable in my skin.
2. I started masturbating when I was like nine or ten to my dads skin magazines. I remember reading about ejaculation but that didn't happen until I was 12.
3. A number of boys in the neighborhood used to masturbate together, I was never invited and that bothered me. I thought why would you want to do that with other boys? I was just bothered that I wasn't invited.
4. I would think about sex all the time and then this girl in the neighborhood asked me one day, "Do you ever think about sex?" We were twelve and would go to this fort we had in the field across from my house and just lay there holding each other, kissing, and feeling each other up and down underneath our clothes.
5. I used to put things up my ass when I was younger and really liked it.
6. I lost my virginity when I was 19, I thought it was late for a guy… She just got me high and seduced me.
7. I used to be tormented by thoughts I was gay. I never masturbated to guys or even thought that way, I just obsessed that I was gay. Some suggested I try it to find out, but for me I do not think it would have helped at the time. As I have grown older I am more OK with my thoughts and fantasies, because that is what they are, thoughts and fantasies, not actions. One event that I believed helped me through this was seeing two friends kiss. Many guys have the MFF fantasy, or two girl lesbian fantasy, watching them. Well my friends were in my car, they are lesbians and they started making out. Not that it grossed me out, it was just weird and in some ways did not seem right. So seeing that helped me realize that fantasy does not always equal reality.
8. I believe I date raped a girl in college or at least forced myself on her. We were hot, heavy, and naked in my car and that part was willing, but looking back I believed I forced the issue. This has been a recent revelation and I feel really guilty about it. Ashamed is more like it. I wish I could apologize or take it back.
9. I have always thought my penis was too small, however after reading this blog I have felt better about myself.
10. I masturbate at least every day, many time multiple times. Sometimes I can waste many hours looking at and reading porn. I wish I could find a woman to masturbate with regularly.
11. I have slept with several virgins. One of which was my fiancé. She believed in no vaginal sex before marriage. We used to do everything but vaginal intercourse. She then asked if I wanted to try anal. So we used to do that all the time. It was fun but she was not that into sex. I am glad it broke off before the wedding.
12. I have slept with 60+ women, much older (20 years) and younger (10 years) than myself. It was all good. I think I now prefer women about my age, however being 41, I desire a purely sexual relationship with a woman in her 20’s.
13. I have not had any threesomes or moresomes. For me I think it would be sensory overload. I would like to have the experience to say I did it, however it is not high on the list of priorities. In addition the people I know who have had them seem to be more about bragging rights than “This was the greatest experience ever!”
14. I have fantasized about having sex with a man and have gone as far a placing an ad on Craigslist, but I do not think I can or would act on it. I enjoyed the emails with some men as it was erotic--nice to be desired. Fear of disease and/or someone becoming violent are a large deterrent.
15. I will occasionally use bananas on myself, fantasizing that a well-endowed man is taking me from behind. I really like the feeling and would like to try it with someone I completely trust. Perhaps I will be seduced one day under the perfect circumstances and allow it to happen. I want him to be large though...
16. I have been with a few married women. I really struggle with this. Although it is very exciting at the time I often feel guilty afterwards.
17. One married woman is really into S&M and bondage. Wants me to do things to her and build a dungeon. I really do not get it... I really like some good old fashioned fucking, sometimes soft and gentle, sometimes hard and occasionally getting a little wilder. Who knows, maybe I'll progress up to the other stuff.
18. I wonder if any of my students fantasize about me.
19. Although many of my female students are attractive, legal and wear revealing clothes I do not think I would ever touch them. Aside from putting my professional life in jeopardy, I would not want to damage them in any way. None of the men I work with ever talk about this that I know of... There must be feelings stirred in them as well. Older male teachers I have spoken to in the past have said it used to be a contest to see how many students they could sleep with.
20. I wish I had a regular sleeping partner who I could continue to explore my sexuality with now.
21. I love going down on a woman, though sometimes it takes a long time... Now I know how some women feel.
22. I do not like 69 that much, not that it doesn’t feel that good, it is just too intense and I cannot concentrate.
23. I sometimes wish I could just say to some women I know I want to have sex with them. Some of them are very attractive but are in relationships. I will often fantasize about them when alone. I want to know how they feel, taste, and sound.
24. I love the female body. All shapes and sizes and really think they are beautiful. Some male bodies are nice too, but I only feel this way occasionally.
25. Reading this blog has made me more comfortable with my sexuality and feeling about myself, making me feel not so much like a freak and more normal than anything. It is not comparing myself to the other posts, it is just that we all have thoughts and actions and feeling about ourselves that maybe never get shared. I feel relief, happy, and a little more comfortable in my skin.
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