Friday, March 13, 2009

1. I'm a very late bloomer. I'm not Catholic, but I went to a very small, very conservative Catholic school from 3rd to 12th grade with mostly the same people. No one experimented with drugs, alcohol, or sex.

2. I always felt out of place, because I started researching online about sex and how to masturbate when I hit puberty. I felt like the only one that was interested or curious about it. All of my friends considered masturbation and sex before marriage to be a sin.

3. I had planned on saving myself for marriage when I was young, but when I got to high school, I realized that it wouldn't be realistic. I felt guilty making this decision, but I realized that Catholic beliefs were being imposed on me. I still feel some guilt when I hook up with people or masturbate.

4. I got my first real kiss last year at the age of 21. I went to a co-worker's house and made out with her friend on a dare. He was a good kisser, but I could tell he would be bad in bed, because of the repetitive way he moved he moved his tongue.

5. That same night I made out with another one of my co-workers who is a girl. I has always admired her, because she's very open about sex and has experimented with other girls. I had always wanted to see what it was like to kiss a girl, but I was disappointed. Either she was a bad kisser, or I just prefer a man's touch. It was too soft. I'm willing to try again though.

6. I'm about to turn 22, and I'm still a virgin. This is something that causes me a lot of embarrassment. I hate to reveal this fact, and I won't admit to it unless someone outright asks me.

7. I've had a few chances to have sex, but I've turned them down. I'm not quite sure what's stopping me. I'm attractive and comfortable with my body, but when it comes down to actual penetration, I get freaked out. I think it may be leftover Catholic guilt (I'm not even Catholic!)

8. I sometimes use my virginity as a source of power against boys. I like to hear them beg me to fuck them, and I like telling them no.

9. It has been my goal this year to hook with as many people as possible, to make up for lost time. So far, I've had only had two, because I only hook up with guys that I find interesting, and it's hard to find quality guys in bars.

10. I think I put on a "good girl" act to my friends and family, but that's not really who I am at all. I have a high sex drive. I touch myself and watch porn regularly, but no one would ever guess. I'm trying to let more and more of the other side show.

11. My favorite porn star is Sasha Grey, and my favorite porn is "Paid Companions" by Andrew Blake. I love his films, because his porn is sort of high fashion with really beautiful women. If I had the courage, I would love to be in one of his films.

12. The raciest thing I have done so far was giving a guy road head. We were both really drunk, and I'm not sure how we got home alive. It was fun and kind romantic in a weird way. We were driving back to his place on an empty highway late at night and "I Want You" by Kings of Leon was playing on the radio.

13. Whenever I hear that song now, I get that same pang of excitement. I remember everything about that moment, how he squirmed underneath me and the way he moaned.

14. The same guy that I gave road head to, felt me up and fingered me while we were dancing at a bar. I think I may have an exhibitionist side.

15. I love to kiss, but most of the people I've kissed have been relatively unmemorable, except for one. I met this goofy looking, but endearingly cute redhead at a party in a warehouse. I took him out to the side of the building, and we made out for what seemed like hours. He reveled me that he liked to lightly strangle and be strangled. I'm always up to experiment, so I let him - it was so sexy. He also grabbed my hair during. A lot of people were walking by us and could clearly see us which added to the sexiness. I really regret not going home with him that night.

16. I've been wanting other guys I've been with to strangle me while we kiss, but I'm afraid of being judged or seen as weird.

17. After reading this erotic story online, I've always fantasized about having my first time with someone who was really charming and sexually aggressive. Someone who could seduce me into bed with them. I would say no, but he would know I meant yes.

18. Sometimes I think I'll explode from sexual frustration. I have too much pent up sexual energy, and masturbating isn't enough anymore. It just leaves me feeling empty inside. Now I just distract myself by cleaning my room or drawing.

19. I fantasize about being kidnapped quite often by a handsome criminal. I am tied to a chair and left alone in a dim basement. I begin to develop a case of Stockholm syndrome, and I fuck my captor while I'm still tied up.

20. I wish my friends and I were more honest and open to each other about sex, but I think we're all afraid of being judged or seen as slutty. It makes me sad.

21. I love giving blowjobs, but I would never admit it to my friends, because they seem to hate doing it. I lie about swallowing, because one of my friends finds it disgusting and "skanky." I don't see what the big deal is anyways. For some reason, I find it rude to spit.

22. I've always wanted to own a pair of handcuffs and have them used on me. I don't know what's stopping me from getting some.

23. I want to explore spanking. I've always wanted to be bent over and smacked.

24. I have this glamorous fantasy of being a stripper, just being connected with my body and having men drool over me. I don't think I have the courage to do it in real life. I admire those who have the balls to do it.

25. I've realized making this list and reading this blog that I shouldn't feel ashamed of my sexual desires and fantasies, and that I should ask more for what I want from my partners. I've also realized I might be into exhibitionism and light BDSM. Making this list was really eye opening for me.