Friday, February 27, 2009

1. I have been attracted to pregnant women, and the idea of being pregnant, for as long as I can remember. For a straight woman who never plans to have children of my own, this has always been a source of shame and secrecy for me. In fact, this is the first time I have ever admitted this. Oftentimes I can't orgasm even with a partner unless I am thinking about a heavy pregnant belly. Because of the shame attached to this, I get weird around pregnant women and avoid them, thinking they can tell I'm looking at their bodies and being a pervert.

2. I have fucked a pair of brothers (on two separate occasions – not together), a brother and sister (ditto), and lots of pairs of best friends.

3. When I was 14, my mom got us a kitten from the pound. He would climb under the covers with me in bed at night. I trained him to lick my pussy by putting butter on my labia, though after a while he would just do it on his own, without butter or prompting. He did it for years and years, even doing it when I would visit home from college. I always worried whether he tried to do it to others in my family.

4. I have only orgasmed from oral sex once in my life – six months ago.

5. I never was able to use my hands to make myself come until I was in my late 20s. Even now the number of times I've gotten myself off without a vibrator is in the single digits (no pun intended).

6. I rarely use condoms, even with casual sex. The first few times perhaps, but then they go out the window.

7. My first erotic dream starred Steve Martin.

8. I have had one threesome where I was one of two women, and one threesome where I was with two men. I would do both combinations again any day.

9. I used to hate my labia minora, which protrude past my outer lips, and for a brief time in college I considered getting them surgically reduced. Now I love them, but I get very offended when I hear people – almost always men – make “meat curtain” jokes. Once my best friend asked me if she had too much sex, would her inner lips get stretched out and hang down? I told her no but it made me feel ashamed.

10. I have fucked between 40 and 50 people, all but one of them men.

11. I started writing and drawing pornographic stories when I was in 5th grade, about ten years old. I kept them all in a big folder which I hid under the carpet in a corner of my bedroom. Though being the earliest of my friends to start taking an active interest in sex, I was one of the last ones to actually get kissed – in 10th grade. The 5 years of unresolved sexual desire turned me into a pent-up fireball and the aftermath involved several years of sluttily bad choices.

12. I have only tried to “make a move” on women twice in my life, and was rejected both times. I often get crushes on girls but I have no confidence to ever try to kiss them.

13. The first time I received oral sex, it was non-consensual. I was 15 and my 18-year-old virgin boyfriend held me down and did it while I cried. He used teeth and I had to ride my bike home standing up on the pedals the entire way because I was so sore. He cried when I broke up with him the next time we saw each other.

14. I regret every person I ever had a crush on that I never got a chance to sleep with.

15. I don't really like kissing. The first time is great, especially when it's passionate and unexpected, but from then on I don't enjoy it. I'd rather make out with a neck or shoulder.

16. When I was 19, I borrowed a camcorder from my school for a class. I filmed myself fucking my boyfriend over the weekend, but when I went to watch it in the viewfinder, I felt shocked and nauseated. I never did watch it on a TV screen, and I have no idea where that tape is today. (Gulp.)

17. That said, I love taking nude pictures of myself and having them taken of me. I enjoy my body now more than I ever have in life, and when I see how beautiful it looks on film, I feel lovely and validated.

18. I would love to dress in drag and go out as a man. LOVE to. I never have.

19. I've tried anal sex a handful of times and never had it “work” except once. But oh, that once. I was really drunk and for some reason I just opened up. The pain stopped and the feeling it gave me was like nothing I've ever experienced. I'd love to try it again, but I've never been able to replicate that moment.

20. I've used a strap-on with a smallish butt plug on my ex-boyfriend. At first it was exciting to try the role reversal, but over time (paired with his general femininity overall) it wasn't as much of a thrill. I began doing it just for his benefit, and it lost more and more of its charm until I got no pleasure from it at all – in fact, the mess and smell was a serious turnoff. I would love to try it anew with someone else – especially a woman.

21. I can squirt. Sometimes an awful lot. Yet I can't bring myself to do it in front of a partner, even if they've told me they'd enjoy it or want to see it. In fact there's been times I've psyched myself out of an orgasm because I'm worried I'll spray my partner's face or in their mouth. Perhaps this is why I don't come from oral.

22. I bought my first vibrator from a mail-order catalog when I was 15 with a money order. I ran home from school every day to check the mailbox, terrified someone would get there before I did. It was pink with sparkles and smelled like chemical candy. I never got off with it though. When I was almost 19 I bought a heavy-duty back massager from Service Merchandise, and I've been using that on my clit for the last dozen years. I estimate it's given me about 3,000 orgasms at LEAST (two today already!).

23.The idea of consuming sperm disgusts me, in a gut-wrenching, visceral way. Semen itself doesn't bother me when I see it on my skin or his, but once it's in the mouth I want to hurl. Watching videos of people with cum in their mouths sickens me. (I have swallowed a few times, but it's gotta be a special occasion.)

24. Once I fucked a guy's throat with my hand. My entire hand. It was slimy and hot and felt lovely and nasty.

25. If I know you, I've probably thought about you naked at least once.