Wednesday, February 25, 2009

1. I first realised I was attracted to men when I was in middle school and I had a crush on Zac Hanson. Unlike all my other guy friends at the time, my crush didn't go away when I realised he was a boy.

2. I've been molested or otherwise taken advantage of on more than one occasion. I've told a few friends this, but I've never told the police, my family or my therapist.

3. I have thousands of gay porn pictures and dozens of gay porn films in a folder on my desktop labelled Porn. The icon is Brent Corrigan's penis.

4. I'm a little ashamed to admit that a few of the pictures are of guys pissing... and that I think those pictures are hot.

5. I've had three closeted boyfriends in the past. I convinced all three to come out because I didn't want to date secretly. I made two of their lives better and the other one's life miserable.

6. One of my biggest turn-offs is when guys lie to me in bed and tell me that my penis is big. It's small and I'm okay with that. Don't lie to me and tell me I'm something I'm not.

7. I've had two instances where I had to stop the person who was fucking me because they were too big/girthy. One was the ugliest man I've ever messed around with and the other was the most beautiful man I've ever slept with.

8. One of my biggest turn-ons is smoking. If you can blow smoke rings, consider yourself sleeping with me tonight.

9. I like incredibly skinny boys. Like unhealthy-looking anorexic scene boys. I feel like such a hypocrite though: I helped three of my best friends through eating disorders and I fought with bulimia myself for a few years.

10. I hate it when guys shave their bodies. It's a deal-breaker for me if I see a guy's shaved his pubes. I don't want to be reminded of prepubescent boys while I've having sex with someone.

11. I lost my anal virginity to the guy who gave me chlamydia and tore my sphincter muscle.

12. I love catching guys off guard with wildly inappropriate pick-up lines. "Your testicles. Hand them to me now." "I had testicular cancer. See if you can guess which ball is fake. With your tongue." "I saw you talking to (mutual friend) and I couldn't help but wonder what your ass tastes like." "You're a creationist? Really? I want to debate evolution while inside you." Those lines all worked.

13. I hate being rimmed... but I love giving rim jobs.

14. I'd rather have sex with an uncircumcised penis, but I'd rather blow a circumcised penis.

15. I had the opportunity to do both of those at the same time... and took advantage of that opportunity... when I was fifteen.

16. I masturbate to Countdown with Kieth Olbermann on MSNBC.

17. My good friend offered to have my child in a few years. She said she wants to have one of my children for herself and then she'll have one for me. She works at an abortion clinic.

18. I was once left hand-cuffed naked to a tree.

19. If I ever contract HIV, I plan on committing suicide and I already know exactly how and where I will do it.

20. I want someone to blow me or fuck me while I play the piano... Specifically, while I play Prokofiev's Toccata in D Minor, Op.11.

21. The largest age difference between myself and any person I've ever had sex with was 36. I was 17 at the time. I told him I was 21 and he told me he was 26.

22. I had drunken sex with a lesbian in the vestibule of a church.

23. I was walked in on by my parents and my sister during sex multiple times while living at home. The only time my sister came to visit me after I moved out, I was having sex in the kitchen.

24. I've had sex with a Christian minister. He's married and in seminary now.

25. No one was surprised when I came out of the closet as gay, except for my then-girlfriend.